It's been a minute ~ I know. I come back to you a new person, this a new day of a new chapter in the life of Shelly Deason. It is hard for me to come back here because I feel that I am not ready share my recent struggles with anyone but to say I have been through a spiritual attack and am clawing my way through it is about all I can do. But I know that this is the place where I get my strength. When I write; that is one of my closest times with God. I don't know if it is because alot of times these are open prayers for me or if this is where I open myself up the most to what is going on inside of me and that allows God to speak to me.
I walked away for a few weeks, I really did. I didn't set in my mind to do that; not at all. I don't think we ever do. All the while, my smile remained to everyone ~ even Brad. But alone ~ I was truly alone. We talk about putting the past behind us, about putting things under the blood of Jesus but then we pick them back up instead of turning to God in a time of aloneness (not a word, I'm sure) and when we are desolate it seems the crutches of this world are easier to lean on then God. Why is that? I don't have the answer. I just know that as more time passed; i became more and more miserable. These last two weeks have been some of the worst I have experienced in many many years. Trying to hold your head up and smile when you feel like you are living a lie and waiting for everyone to see your mistakes is not fun.
I am clinging to the thought that God sees me as I will be one day, not who I am now. I am clinging to His promise that He will never put on me more than I can bear. I am in a better place today than I was yesterday because I chose to step away from the bad and cling again to the good. I have a wonderful husband who loves me and lifts me up with his prayers. I am thankful to be coming out of the Abyss.
What is your abyss? Come on out of it, I am!
Partying and Playing
23 hours ago