Saturday, March 21, 2009
It's been a minute ~ I know. I come back to you a new person, this a new day of a new chapter in the life of Shelly Deason. It is hard for me to come back here because I feel that I am not ready share my recent struggles with anyone but to say I have been through a spiritual attack and am clawing my way through it is about all I can do. But I know that this is the place where I get my strength. When I write; that is one of my closest times with God. I don't know if it is because alot of times these are open prayers for me or if this is where I open myself up the most to what is going on inside of me and that allows God to speak to me.
I walked away for a few weeks, I really did. I didn't set in my mind to do that; not at all. I don't think we ever do. All the while, my smile remained to everyone ~ even Brad. But alone ~ I was truly alone. We talk about putting the past behind us, about putting things under the blood of Jesus but then we pick them back up instead of turning to God in a time of aloneness (not a word, I'm sure) and when we are desolate it seems the crutches of this world are easier to lean on then God. Why is that? I don't have the answer. I just know that as more time passed; i became more and more miserable. These last two weeks have been some of the worst I have experienced in many many years. Trying to hold your head up and smile when you feel like you are living a lie and waiting for everyone to see your mistakes is not fun.
I am clinging to the thought that God sees me as I will be one day, not who I am now. I am clinging to His promise that He will never put on me more than I can bear. I am in a better place today than I was yesterday because I chose to step away from the bad and cling again to the good. I have a wonderful husband who loves me and lifts me up with his prayers. I am thankful to be coming out of the Abyss.
What is your abyss? Come on out of it, I am!
Monday, March 9, 2009
In a day where parents kill their children and children shoot others at school and where drugs are out in the open, we must make the most of every opportunity. The days are short and the coming of the Lord is close. What have we done over the last week to amplify Christ to the world around us? What have we done to show love to our family and friends? How have we shown our boss that we are good workers?
Let's make the most of every opportunity this week.
Day 9, 10, 11 & 12's scriptures actually go together so I am going to do the whole passage first:
Ephesians 5: 4-11
4 Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God.
5 You can be sure that no immoral, impure, or greedy person will inherit the Kingdom of Christ and of God. For a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world.
6 Don’t be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins, for the anger of God will fall on all who disobey him.
7 Don’t participate in the things these people do.
8 For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light!
9 For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true.
10 Carefully determine what pleases the Lord.
11 Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them.
Sometimes, after reading a passage, I like to put it in the message translation. The Message, is not really a translation but it is a summerization of the scripture in today's language. I thought this one was really good. Thanks bible.com
Ephesians 5: 4-11
3 -4Don't allow love to turn into lust, setting off a downhill slide into sexual promiscuity, filthy practices, or bullying greed. Though some tongues just love the taste of gossip, those who follow Jesus have better uses for language than that. Don't talk dirty or silly. That kind of talk doesn't fit our style. Thanksgiving is our dialect.
5You can be sure that using people or religion or things just for what you can get out of them—the usual variations on idolatry—will get you nowhere, and certainly nowhere near the kingdom of Christ, the kingdom of God.
6 -7Don't let yourselves get taken in by religious smooth talk. God gets furious with people who are full of religious sales talk but want nothing to do with him. Don't even hang around people like that.
8 -10You groped your way through that murk once, but no longer. You're out in the open now. The bright light of Christ makes your way plain. So no more stumbling around. Get on with it! The good, the right, the true—these are the actions appropriate for daylight hours. Figure out what will please Christ, and then do it.11 -16Don't waste your time on useless work, mere busywork, the barren pursuits of darkness. Expose these things for the sham they are. It's a scandal when people waste their lives on things they must do in the darkness where no one will see. Rip the cover off those frauds and see how attractive they look in the light of Christ.
As children of God, we need to be aware of everything around us and surround ourselves with people that are walking the same path we are. We were once in darkness 'walking through murk' but now we are in the light and we should walk in that light proudly, abstaining and removing ourselves from situations and people that do not nurture our new walks.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Please pray for my mom. She fell doing yard work yesterday and broke her right wrist. She, of course, is right handed. So, we spent the majority of yesterday in the ER and are going to see a orthopedic surgeon the first of the week. My prayer is that God will heal her to the point where when we see the ortho he will tell her no surgery is necessary or even better, the break is gone. God can do exceedingly abundantly more than we can think or ask, so please pray for this because at her age and with her having fibromyalgia and osteporosis, a surgery will be hard on her body.
She is staying with us right now so just pray that we get a good result the first of the week. She is very independent and doesn't like to be away from home.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
What if we did that with the unkown, the unseen? What if we pursued a job expecting something great to come of it? What if we loved our spouse with all we are expecting to have the best relationship we have ever known? What if we, as my cousin has recently done, put our house on the market in this down economy expecting a sold sign to pop up any day? What if we just expected the best to happen and then is does? That is how we can grow our faith today! Expect greatness from God and even when the answer isnt' clear or the one we expected.. find GOd in it.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Our scripture today is pretty straightforward: "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people." Ephesians 5:3
Isn't it funny how Sexual Immorality is lumped into the same category as impurity and greed? It shows us that God sees sin as sin. Whether we be liars or promiscuous or greedy, all these things are "improper" for God's holy people.
God please cleanse our minds today of every evil that sets forth to make us stumble or that makes us a stumbling block to others. I have a friend that once clearly separated herself from wearing a particular item of clothing. I thought it was very odd but when she explained, when I wear that it takes me back to my partying days, it makes me want to be that again.
This is a clear example of someone putting impurity away from themselves. Let's look at what we do or see or say that may drive itself between us and God. Maybe its a book we read or an outfit we wear or words we let escape our lips. My prayer is that I am 'proper' in the eyes of the Lord, even in my shortcomings, I know He is helping me to grow daily in Him.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
What does it mean to walk in forgiveness. Does it mean never being angry or hurt? No, of course not. Walking in forgiveness is forgiving others as Christ forgave us. As it shows in our scripture today:
"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Eph. 4:32)
I have a true story you are not going to believe today. I promise it is true ~ I know these are the facts ~ this story is about me and my friend.
Around 20 years ago I met the person who would for all intents and purposes, be my soul-mate friend. You know the kind of friend who knows you inside and out and loves you anyway. The kind of friend you can tell your deepest secrets too and vice versa. Our friendship was so strong that miles could not touch it. We talked weekly even over 1,000 miles apart. We planned four day weekends for our families to get together at least twice a year and as soon as we hugged it was if we had seen each other yesterday.
This friendship was destroyed by betrayal in the utmost form, within the blink of an eye. I went from loving this friend to never wanting to talk with them again. Never wanting to see them again. This was almost 10 years ago, back in 1999. After about a year, the Lord dealth with me to forgive this friend and what they had done to me. I called and talked to the friend and let them know that God had been dealing with me on forgiveness because, really forgiveness is for us. Unforgiveness is a weight we wear around our neck and it chokes the life out of us everytime that person comes to mind or we see their face or someone mentions their name. So, I forgave said frend and told them that while I forgave them, I did not want to be their friend. I did not want to maintain contact with them or hear from them. This forgiveness was for me and I walked away feeling like I had forgiven.
Flash forward to 2004, Brad and I are dating and one day my friend comes up. I guess I laughed at some memory and then became pretty sad and said "I miss my friend". With Brad's encouragement, I called said friend and told them, I love you and miss you and although I don't know if things can ever be the same, I want you in my life and I truly forgive you. There was a weight that just fell off of me during this moment. The friend and I started talking again and people around me were amazed that I was friends with them again. It wasn't what was in me, it was God in me trying to fix some things.
See, I came to realize that my friend did hurt me, yes. But I also came to realize I gave them occasion to do so. If I had been caring and aware and the friend I should have been, this hurt may never have taken place anyway. I left doors open for the hurt to happen and that was my responsibility. I remember just like it was yesterday, my friend invited me to come to their house, around 6 hours away. I was traveling to see some colorguard show that was in the vicinity so I thought, why not? Let's see how this goes. It was three am when I got there, tired and road weary, and I walked into what felt like home. We hugged and laughed and like always, it was as if we had seen each other the day before.
We are soul-mate friends once again. God can restore what the enemy means to harm us. This friend was at our wedding, we have been as a family to visit them and they have been here to visit us. There have been times when my friend has asked me if I would like them to revisit the hurt and try to get it out in the open and my honest answer has been, I don't really care anymore. Because I don't . . . while that hurt ran deep it did things for me that nothing else could do, it opened my eyes to who I was and what I wanted in life and gave me a determination that God wanted more for me than I desired for myself. Through those hurts God created Joy and Love and Compassion for others. I am thankful for my friend and every situation we have walked through.
My friend called me just this Saturday and is walking through some situations of their own. I told them it is so hard sometimes to feel like you are walkig your path alone but God knows where we are walking and He sees where our path leads so there is no reason to be discouraged, even though as humans, we can't help it sometimes.
I think of all that I would miss out on in our friendship if God had not taught me how to walk in forgiveness. Some people say it is stupid to forgive and move forward, that you are just asking to be hurt again. When we place our faith and our trust in God, we don't have to worry about being hurt by people, because God always holds us through every circumstance. Let God lead you to walking in forgiveness today. It's interesting, when we talk about forgiving like God forgave us, we sometimes forget that God doesn't even remember our sin. The following verses show how much God does when He forgives us:
- Isa 43:25 I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins.
- Heb 8:12 For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more.
- Heb 10:17 And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more.
How can you do that if you feel like you can't forgive. It is so simple; Just tell the Lord you are tired of caring around someone elses junk. Ask Him to take that junk and put it away from you and that everytime hurt and unforgiveness rears its head, speak to it and tell it, Hey, I gave you to Jesus so go away! It takes time, but keep walking forward in love and God will give you the ability to have your heart healed and restored.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Giving it up to Jesus is how I look at this day. I would like to think that I am really strong in this area but I have thought on it quite a bit today (hence the late blog) and I realize that I am really strong for periods of time, if that makes sense.
I am going to use my ex-husband as an example (sorry Bill). Mostly, I am so over the hurt and pain of our divorce. I am married to the most wonderful man ever and God made he and I for each other. We are soul mates. Bill and I get along good these days and can even laugh and joke and plan things such as birthdays together. But in those small moments of time, when he makes me mad over something he says or he gets the kids upset, I am often (but not always) pulled back into those memories of hurt and anger immediately. I am not longer angry over the present but over the whole of our relationship. Some will say, this is, "being a girl", which I will admit, we are wired that way generally. But some of it is our flesh just not being what it should be. Just like I am not the person I was 5 years ago, neither is Bill. And while I do not want him to compare me to 'that Shelly' I am sure he does at times.
So today, my goal is to get all that hurt and pain under the blood of Jesus so when he does something to make me mad (and I assure you, he will at some point), then it will be about that day and that incident only and not something that happened in 1992 when we were young, stupid newlyweds whose idea of communication was to throw things and scream (me) or to just ignore and not talk (him).
Blessings and prayers for getting rid of bitterness and strife and unforgiveness in our daily relationships.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Today we must maintain focus on cleaning out from ourselves anything that would grieve the spirit of God. Think about that, what do we do that makes God sad? I can think of so many things I should do differently that would make God happy and proud to have me as his child. Pastor Shane spoke this morning and one of the thing he equated to the natural man and God is the way we love our children. Like God, our children can't do things for us to love them more or less but they can do things that either make us proud of them or embarraseed that they didn't make better choices. Let's make the choices today that will make God proud and not grieve His spirit.
Church was awesome today, God really gave me a revelation in an old hymn I had not heard in quite some time. The lyrics are:
The words of this song hit my heart this morning. No matter what we go through, no matter the challenges we face, the hurt we have endured in life, through it all, we need to learn to trust and depend on God. I cried out to God this morning and said "God, I have walked through some dry places and I have had hurt but if the reason for it all was to learn to trust in you, then it was worth it. Put me through what you need to for me to trust you, for me to depend on Your Word. I surrender to Your will"
We got home about 10 minutes ago and I sat right down to look up this song.. The verses were amazing to me (the chorus was played at church) and so I wanted to share the verses as well: