Thursday, November 25, 2010

With a Thankful Heart

I find myself overwhelmed with emotions today and have already cried thrice as I have been reading over Facebook posts about thankfulness. It is amazing the blessings we have in each other and in the things God is doing in our lives.

While I am thankful for every friendship, every blessing, every difficulty that makes me stronger, every new client, every moment of laughter, there are some special people who have touched my heart in this last year that I want to thank personally.

Jesus: You took a hurt and emotionally fragile girl and gave her strength to keep on going, you shielded me from hurts I could not imagine, you have kept my family safe in the 1,000's of miles we traveled over the last year and through it all you have drawn me closer to your side. Thank you for seeing more in me than I see in myself. You have given me the courage and the confidence to keep working this fledgling business and I know you see great things as we continue forward. Thank you for giving me a wonderful husband and two beautiful children.

Brad: You. . . you are sometimes hard to put into words. After almost 7 years of being my best friend, my heart still skips a beat when I think of you. Your strength and character are unmatched by anyone I know. When we made this decision to move away from everything we had ever known, to leave behind the crutches of our youth, you held me up on days when my legs felt like jelly. We have laughed more in the last six months than we have in quite some time and I know that the longer we are here, the more sure we are that we made the right decision and that this is where we are meant to be. I have said this before, but it's just so true: I am thankful to walk this road of life with you whether the road is bumpy, smooth or has huge pits that we have to get through, being your wife makes it worth every moment.

Caitlin: Girlie, you are my heartbeat. You are just one DNA strand away from being me, and somedays that scares me, because I know how stubborn I can be. I have seen you grow so much not only the past year, but especially since the move. The transition of being your mom while you are becoming a woman is not always easy on either of us but I think we are doing okay. I love how focused you are on your education goals. I love that at 17 years old you KNOW what you want out of life. I love that you love Jesus more than anything in this world and I am thankful that you call me mom. As you leave our nest next year, hold onto the core of who you are and never change that.

Logan: Last week when we were talking about school and you had that 'lightbulb' moment on why we push you so hard, on why we want you to try to achieve more, it was such an answered prayer. Growing up, I was so much like you, good at tons of things but not passionate about any of them. My fear was that you would not see the big picture on how I want more for you than I can ever be and when I saw you figure it out, it completely made my day. I am thankful for your loving and sensitive heart for Jesus. I know you are going to great things for Him because you are willing to do what He calls you to even if it's not your plan. I am so excited to see where life is going to take you over the next few years.

Sis: I can't even start this without crying, mainly because you are so amazing and loving and when we came here we had no 'real' family but you made us your family. You made it okay for me to pop across town in my pj's to laugh about nothing and you have even half way taught me to talk in the 'old lady' voice. Because of what we went through before we came here, true love and acceptance felt like a thing of the past, things that we could only hope for again some day, you made those hopes true again, so thank you for making us feel a part of things from day one.

Pastor: I have no idea what you thought of us that day when we came into your office, hurt and angry, scared to trust someone with your calling ever again. I can't even remember much of what we said but I know that our walls were so thick in places and broken in others that navigating a conversation with me certainly could have felt like a mine field. I remember you saying something to us about just coming to church and trying it and not make any commitments and I thought, okay, I can do that. When we decided to make POM our home and ultimately Nashville, the messages you brought forth and the counseling you have given us have just continued to solidify that we are making the right decisions. So if I could sum it up in one word, I would say - Willingness - I am thankful for your willingness to take a chance on hurting people and for your willingness to love people like Jesus does and let God do the rest.

Brandi:I am thankful that you are my friend. I remember how we would talk last year and I would tell you how one day you would be so happy and you could not see that. Now you are happier than you have ever been. You are the first person I was able to help in some small way because of the pain that I endured through my divorce. There were days when I would get off the phone with you and cry because it would bring up my old wounds that I thought were gone. But it was such a joy as the year went on and I started to see the changes and I started to see the joy return to your life and in a way it helped me to heal parts of the past I had not touched yet. I am thankful that you are courageous and faithful and loyal and kind, I love being your friend.

Joseph:Thank you for loving my friend. Thank you for being what she needs; it makes my heart smile when I think of the 'broken road' you guys have came through to find each other. I cannot wait to see what God is going to do with your lives and your marriage.

Heather: What do you say about your best friend when you haven't had a best friend in forever. We can go weeks without seeing or talking to each other and pick up right where we left off. When I see Caitlin and Mel together I am jealous that we weren't friends from that age. I cannot imagine the stuff we would've came through together if that had been the case. I miss you so much every stinkin' day. . . and yes I am crying when I type this. I am thankful that 100 miles does not change how much we love each other; and how we will always be there for each other at the drop of a hat. Looking forward to seeing you soon, I love you!

Mom & Marlena: I know this last six months has not been your favorite and I am thankful you didn't give us as much grief as you could have over us moving. Thank you for having the tenacity to put up with us through these last 3 years that were the worst we could have went through. If not for the two of you, we would have been homeless. Thank you for showing us what a mothers' heart does for her kids. Thank you for loving us through it all.

POM: My church family, you have no idea what you mean to me. To be here in Nashville, with no close family, you have truly loved us and welcomed us with open arms. You have made a difference in our lives everytime we come into contact whether it be at church, eating a meal or just hanging out. TeamDeason is thankful for Point of Mercy.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Forgiveness and Thank You's

There comes a time where forgiveness is just in order ~ when we look at the scripture and see how often Jesus tells his disciples to love each other and to forgive those that do us wrong it is amazing how little it seems to matter to us. By us, I really mean myself because I'm not trying to judge anyone on this but myself. I have a lot of experience in forgiveness and even wrote a blog a few weeks ago about forgiveness that was one of the best blogs I've written about how much of a struggle it is but what a blessing there is in the forgiving.

So that is what I am doing today with Shane West. I am forgiving you, I am releasing the burden of frustration and hurt and pain and walking in forgiveness. There was a day that the very thought of saying I forgive you to the person/people who caused my family such hurt was a joke. In fact, I thought this day would never come. I thought that unless you were in jail and paid for the things you did to so many people that my soul would not have peace. That if this didn't happen the way I wanted it to, that God was acting a little crazy. That somehow, if He would just make you pay for the things you had done, that my life would be vilified, that I would feel like He let me finally have that WIN you've talked about ~ but instead, as I began to pray and to seek His face, I began to understand that the WIN is in the experiences the WIN is in the growing that I've done as a child of the King because of the situations that were created by you.

Without these situations, I would not have known how strong my husband is and how much confidence God had in him when he put us together. I would not know that those arms that wrapped around me when I cried could really fix just about anything and when he couldn't, HE could. I would have never seen how much he loves the children we have together and how he would do anything in his power to create safety and security in their lives. I would not have seen him with tears on his cheeks as we prayed together for direction as a family. Thank you for that.

Without the pain, I would not have known how strong I am as an individual. I would never have seen that hospitality and just plain ole' loving people is my ministry because after the hurt, it was something I had to fight for. Before last year, I never had to 'put myself out there' because it came so naturally. I never really understood or appreciated the discernment gift that God gave me until He started revealing to me what His plan was for my life. I never had to pray that hard or work that hard at trusting God or anyone else, and that has made me seek His face more and more. Thank you for that.

Without the lies, I could have never experienced the full truth in who I am as a person. Watching my children blossom under true ministry and taking a foothold in their gifts has been more than I could ever ask for. Finding respect and confidence in church leadership again was definitely something I thought I would ever see again. Because the lies became so obvious, it is so much easier to see the truth of who people are and I like what I see around me. I love where I am in my life and I'm not going to apologize if that upsets you because I have you to thank for where I am right now.

The path we walked together was some of the best times of my life and the only thing that makes me sad when I think about it is wondering if any of it was even true. That's the hardest part of your lies, I know there was truth in some of it, I just don't know or will never know, which part. You will forever be the person that I always wish had turned out different because, you could be so much more if you would only let God fix you. I can say this in all honesty, from this day forth, I will pray you get your life fixed. I will pray that you finally become the man God wants you to be. . .





Friday, September 10, 2010

Winning Isn't Everything. . . Or is it?

What does it mean to win? What is winning? According to Webster winning can be a noun or a verb but when we think of the word how do we read it? Do we read the passive kind of winning like, he won that by his efforts or the active winning like, He beat the pants off that person in whatever he was trying to do. I think that in life, we sometimes get obsessed by 'the win' by using the king to checkmate our opponent, by taking the last dollar or hotel your friend has in Monopoly or by diving across the table to get that last spoon and hoping you don't get your eye put out in the process.

Winning for me is being secure in who I am every day. The Bible says in Phillipians 3:14
"I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus" ~ Winning for me is moving my life every day toward what and who God wants me to be. The ultimate prize in this life is making it to heaven.

One of the best things that's happened to my family since moving to Nashville is seeing my children growing in God. They are bringing their friends to church and they are really establishing their own walks with God. Just yesterday, I was having a frustrating day and my daughter brought to mind how Pastor had just taught on Sunday about our testimonies being under attack. Those simple words from her brought me to tears because I knew the word was getting in her. I knew that we are in the will of God and for me, that is Winning.

So in the small things in life, winning isn't everything, but in the big scheme of things, Winning is everything~ Walking with God and winning the ultimate prize of a relationship with Jesus Christ is what this life is all about!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

The Bridge of Forgiveness

God = Funny

Just last night I was walking on this bridge with my husband. It was beautiful balmy night in Nashville and we decided to escape for some alone time. We'd never been on the pedestrian bridge so we decided to take a stroll and look at the city lights. It was beautiful. It was breathtaking. It was funny. Brad was going in for a romantic kiss when a homeless man interrupted to ask for some spare change. That was funny ~

As we looked and relaxed in the awe of where we were we began to talk about what an amazing journey the Lord has placed us on and that our life is so different from where we were just a short time ago. I hope there won't be a day when I am not amazed by the Nashville skyline. I love this place, this east Nashville vibe and the people who are in my life.

On that bridge last night I was thankful for every experience I have endured that brought me to that moment and in those short minutes, I thought, nothing can touch this. Nothing can touch this feeling, this clear path of where we are and who we are becoming.

As we left the bridge I thought, that was really an experience in forgiveness. Looking at the strong parts of the bridge and how it held up against every wind and every flood and every boat that might bump against it, it reminded me of God and how when we are rooted in his love and forgiveness that people can bump us and the wind can blow us but the forgiveness is what makes us strong. Forgiveness makes us strong because it's what makes us. The pain people put on us is not what makes us strong, it's the willingness on our part to Forgive as God forgives us that makes us strong. The hurts we experience are there to allow us to grow in Forgiveness.

As we walked backed to the car I told Brad that I know that there will be challenges ahead of us even though right now we feel on top of the world. I also told him that the only thing that scares me is that I know whatever comes our way will be more personal than anything before and I hope my bridge of forgiveness is strong and sure so that I can move through it.
I woke this morning to discover a hurt that I had long ago 'thought' I had gotten past was thrown up at me in the worst way. There is a part of me that feels like I am dying inside right now and only God and I can talk about it. No one else can understand where I am emotionally about this one thing. The bridge of forgiveness that I talked about in my head last night as I dreamt up this blog was pretty and silver and as I look at it today, there seem to be some steps missing and it's a little shakey. Did I mention God is Funny? Nevertheless, I am going to get on this bridge and I don't know how long it will take me to cross it, I don't know how sure my steps are, but I know that with Him all things are possible. I know that when I get on the other side of this bridge I will feel safe again and be able to breathe.

I know God didn't bring me to this bridge without knowing I can cross it.

I know that.

And for today, for this moment, that's enough.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

June14, 2009

We were talking this weekend about when we first came to Point of Mercy, our church home here in Nashville. Today I got on my blog because I remembered writing a post the next day after we had visited, the day that changed our life and put us on the path we are walking today. This post was about the pain and the betrayal and hurt we were feeling on that day. It is AMAZING how far God can bring you in a year's time.

Almost one year exactly to that day, June 17, 2010 ~ we moved into our cute, roomy bungalow here in East Nashville. We moved here where Hopkinsville already seems to be a life time ago.

Here where there are sidewalks to take the puppies, music lessons the next block over for Logan, and our kids going to high school on a college campus. Here where God has placed us to do a work for Him.I am amazed and in awe at how great our God is and that He chose TeamDeason to walk through the fires we have went through so that we can help others to come out on the other side, just like we have ~ I never want to forget the blessing in the trial because on the other side the sweetness of knowing it was all for us to grow in Him makes each trial worth it ~ We are Blessed Beyond Measure


Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Seventeen Again ~ A Letter to My Daughter


Seventeen means so many things to me. Seventeen has woven itself in and out of my life since the day I was born; and today, as you turn seventeen, it happens once more.

Your grandmother was Seventeen when she found herself pregnant with me and seventeen when she married your granddad and had me that August of 1973.

Seventeen years later, in 1990 on a warm August Saturday, your Dad and I got married and at seventeen, I was a wife. I cannot imagine how my mom felt letting me marry at such a young age, and I am thankful that you have your sights set on Jesus, schooling and career at this age instead of marriage. On that warm August afternoon in 1990 there were no doubts and no fears, only excitement for the future. I am sure that your dad and I could have made better choices and while there were things we both regret; you were were never one of those regrets. Three years later, on May 5th, 1993, you arrived; you were more than we had hoped for and we loved you with all we had in the best way we knew how.

Last night, like every birthday in between, we came together as a family for a birthday party that you really didn’t even want to have. We ate and laughed , had birthday cupcakes, virgin margaritas in pretty glasses and had our house full of love. It warmed my heart when afterward you told me that you were glad I had the party for you. This party, was admittedly, for me. I feel that this is the last chance to catch you in that divide between child and adult, and I wanted to revel in every second of it. If I had it to again, I would go back and even buy a piƱata.
When you were a baby, I pushed you to be independent, I pushed you to be your own person and on days like today, I wish I had let you be a baby more, let you lean on me more and ride on my shoulders instead of walking on your own. Today as you are on the cusp of becoming a woman, I have been observing how you are taking charge of your life and I am proud to be your mama. I am proud of the drive you have to go after a career that will be challenging and heartbreaking on some days, I am proud that you are learning much earlier in life than I did that your words have weight and meaning, I am proud that you love Jesus more than anything else in this world and that you have a heart for the hurting around you.

Where did this crazy-faced, cake eating baby girl go who was so happy to just have a Cinderella party? Gone is this little pigtailed girl and in her place is a young woman on the brink of first loves, first heartbreaks, first kisses, first car, first college experiences. Thank you for bringing me along on this trip with you. It's amazing to be your Mom. Digging through the photos of your life tonight, I cried as I saw those moments and faces that only come in certain stages of life. I am thankful that not only do you respect me as your mom, that you love me as a friend.

Don’t ever take the stages of your life for granted. It's okay to be single, it's okay to be in love, it's okay to be whatever you want. I am grateful for every fork in the road and every decision I have made because it brought me to today. Don’t ever worry about what others think of you, plow ahead into all that life has for you; and on the sidelines, I will be here, forever cheering you on as only a mama can. I hope some of these photos bring back the good memories for you that they brought me tonight.

I love you Cait, keep Jesus and your family first and be like me in this one respect, Make every Seventeen Count!


Monday, May 3, 2010

The Door

I came to the realization today that, in my heart, I am already a Nashvillian. As I sit in my house in Kentucky, with my yard dry enough that it could be mown today, I cried every time I looked at pictures from Franklin, Hermitage, East Nashville, Downtown, Hendersonville, etc. THIS is my city, this is the place I love and now, it has a lot of work before it to get it back to where it was before. The door of my heart is so open to Nashville, more so now than ever before I wish that I was there standing arm and arm with the sandbaggers and sump pump operators. Being able to tell people that we have extra room so come on over would at least feel like we are doing something.

My heart breaks as I think of children who don't have their favorite blanket or pillow and for moms and dads who have no idea what they will do because they have no flood insurance. Being an animal lover, I think of the many animals that are displaced. Being a small business owner, I think of people that if they lose their business, their whole world is turned upside down.

My heart hurts for the homeless person who's home is literally washed away. I think of how the two income family is not much different from the people who always reside underneath the Jefferson Street Bridge or have a tent or two off of Trinity Lane. Every Sunday and Wednesday, as we head down Trinity Lane to church, we will see a few homeless people, sometimes panhandling, sometimes walking their dog, sometimes just heading to the tents that you can see through the brush on the right hand side of the road right before the Pilot. The white & blue tarps are just visible enough for you to know they are there, and I wonder, as the brush becomes green with spring and summer, will we even see that? When we see these folks we always talk about it, how we are so blessed to not be without, how we are blessed for family that helped us when we could have been in that place, those tents on the side of the road.

As you watch this video below just put yourself there for a minute, for a moment in time and think of what you would do if this happened to you. This was swift and unimaginable and honestly, it will probably get worse for most people before it gets better. My heart breaks and my words move often today for God to show His face in this disaster, for Him to make himself known. Maybe He makes himself known in us, maybe it takes things like this for us to tap into the relationship with Him that we need.

Please continue to pray for Nashville families and businesses and homeless and churches that unity will bring us all together and that God will be glorified through this tragedy somehow. If you can help financially, please send to the red cross.

We have checked a few times and as far as we know, this door (and the house attached to it) is safe. This door makes my heart smile and gives me hope. It makes me aware that I will be there hand in hand with my neighbors through the summer and beyond, restoring a city to its beauty and wonder.

It's the door that will welcome us home when we get to Nashville in June. It's the door that many will go through for bible studies, cookouts, sleepovers, fellowship, yummy cup cakes and love. I am excited to share more behind this door with you but that will keep for another day. Just keep our friends and neighbors in your hearts and your minds and Keep Him First Always.



Tuesday, April 27, 2010


Sometimes I get tired of how I blog. I get an idea stuck in my head and it won't go away until i put it here, for you all to read. This week has seemed to be surrounded by loss both in the positive and the negative. Loss seems to be all around me & since I cannot escape it, I will blog about it.Honestly, I feel like shouting right now about the goodness of God in my life. I am sure that would scare some of you to death to see me shoutin', but God has been so good to my family through loss. If I had an aisle to run right now, I would be dangerous. . .

About a year ago today, I lost some of my best friends and that was a sad loss for me & my family. Today as I revisited some of the reasons for this loss, I came out with the understanding that sometimes you have to lose those things you held most dearly in order to grab a hold of what is most important. Wow, even in saying that, I am amazed at where God has moved my life. God is so amazing and His plan is so definite that if we just let go and lose all the things around us that seem so important and hold onto Him, He won't let us fall. In fact, it is more than likely His idea for you to let go of those things in the first place.

See, today I trust God more, because I know He leads me. Today, I hold my husband more tightly because I know how the enemy tried to destroy our family. Today, I am aglow with pride because my kids are sensitive to God and I can see His purpose being fulfilled in their lives. Today, I am thankful that my Pastor seeks God's face and brings the Word with passion and intensity because God led us to a wonderful church home.

If I had never let go and experienced the loss and pain I would most likely not be experiencing the greatness that is in my life right now. The Bible teaches us about counting it joy when we are put to the test. I love how 'The Message' depicts James 1:2-4 ~ Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

As the trials and pressures of this life swell around us, let's count it all joy. It is because of the joy I have in my life that I am not as discouraged as I could be about my weight loss (or lack thereof). It is through this joy that I see God growing our business in His time and not ours. It is through this joy that I hopefully can speak peace into the troubled life of a friend or has experienced a loss of their own. It is through this joy that I choose to move forward and take the losses and turn them into wins. God is developing something in you right now and you don't even realize it. Just hang in there through this loss in your life and give Him time to show you what it was about.



Saturday, April 24, 2010

Rough Patches are for Sanding

I've been going through a 'rough patch' in my home. By definition a rough patch is to experience a lot of problems in a period in your life. I would say that pretty much is dead on for me right now. Maybe 'rough patch' is too harsh really, maybe its just a period of adjustment that has me thinking this through so much.

I think that in this time of crossroads where Brad & I are working together now, building our business, getting ready to move to Nashville, getting the kids' their school interviews for fall, being in Nashville, on average, three days a week, trying to balance that and our quality time is really not working. This transitional time has been pretty hard on me because although I am excited about the changes going on, I don't always deal with change well and right now, everything is changing. Everything!

So many changes, so many concerns, so much to budget, to juggle, to decide, to discuss, to manage, to figure out, and taking no time to enjoy glancing over the top of our plates at a dinner table or a quick hug as we go out the door. People have always picked on Brad & I for our lovey dovey ways and honestly, I have always had a great sense of pride in the fact that we are best friends and that we do always have that spark with each other. Over the last little bit, the spark has gave way to comfort and being so used to seeing each other 24/7 that we haven't had time to miss each other or be excited to see the other person arrive. We wake up together, work together, eat together, cook together, look at houses together, etc. You get the idea.

It made me sad last week as I thought about it and I told Brad, "This is no fun, I feel like, for the first time in six years, we are old married people". This is not who we are, we have let ourselves become this way the last 5 months because we are stressed, over worked and tired and this has made us lazy about one of the most important aspects of our lives, each other.

Today, the scripture, Phillipians 4:6 came to my mind about our situation "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." Our marriages are, besides our relationship with God, the most important relationships on this earth. With our marriages we show the world around us what an example of a christian marriage is, we teach our children how to be parents and team mates, we show each other the value that we truly have. I have renewed sense of awareness that my marriage will not fall by the wayside of bills and decisions and problems that just won't matter in two weeks. I will cherish how lucky and blessed I am to be married to my best friend and instead of complaining about our life being to boring, find ways to make it not.

Rough Patches are good, because they help us realize that something needs our attention before it's too late. Rough Patches are God's way of saying, Hey, Look over there and sand that down and get back on a smooth path. I am so thankful that He allows me to learn lessons through everything I go through and that He cares for our souls so much!



Saturday, April 17, 2010

A lesson from the Water

I did some research this morning on freezing and thawing ~ it is so strange to me that we as people completely buck the process that God designed.

I remember being a newlywed and our freezer did not have self defrost, much less an ice maker. Stacking those ice trays ups and checking them way too often would be so frustrating to that 17 year old girl. What was even more frustrating is opening the freezer and there being ice trays in there with no ice and no water at all. Refilling ice trays was not my strong suite. I wish I had known about $5 bags of ice from sonic back then. Anyway, my research today showed me that four typical ice trays put into the freezer at room temperature take 10 hours to freeze. As the molecules of the water get colder and colder they expand and grow larger until they are those chunks of ice.

That typical piece of ice, though, takes on average less than 2 hours to thaw. I don’t know the science on this, but in view of life events I find it interesting. God in all His wisdom made water to thaw faster than he made it to freeze. Can we humans take a lesson from the water? It seems that God has used water for ever to try and teach us lessons.

Genesis 7:17-19 ..and it continued forty days upon the earth; and the waters increased, and bore up the ark, and it rose high above the earth. The waters prevailed and increased greatly upon the earth; and the ark floated on the face of the waters. And the waters prevailed so mightily upon the earth that all the high mountains under the whole heaven were covered."

Exodus 2:5-6 "Now the daughter of Pharaoh came down to bathe at the river, and her maidens walked beside the river; she saw the basket among the reeds and sent her maid to fetch it. When she opened it she saw the child; and lo, the babe was crying. She took pity on him and said, "This is one of the Hebrews' children...And the child grew, and she brought him to Pharaoh's daughter, and he became her son; and she named him Moses, for she said, "Because I drew him out of the water."

Exodus 7:19 The LORD said to Moses, "Tell Aaron, 'Take your staff and stretch out your hand over the waters of Egypt--over the streams and canals, over the ponds and all the reservoirs'--and they will turn to blood. Blood will be everywhere in Egypt, even in the wooden buckets and stone jars."

Exodus 14:21 states, "And Moses stretched out his hand over the sea; and the LORD caused the sea to go back by a strong east wind all that night, and made the sea dry land, and the waters were divided." Verse 24 says, "And it came to pass, that in the morning watch the LORD looked unto the host of the Egyptians through the pillar of fire and of the cloud, and troubled the host of the Egyptians."

Exodus 17:4-5 4 Then Moses cried out to the LORD, "What am I to do with these people? They are almost ready to stone me." 5 The LORD answered Moses, "Walk on ahead of the people. Take with you some of the elders of Israel and take in your hand the staff with which you struck the Nile, and go. 6 I will stand there before you by the rock at Horeb. Strike the rock, and water will come out of it for the people to drink." So Moses did this in the sight of the elders of Israel. 7 And he called the place Massah and Meribah because the Israelites quarreled and because they tested the LORD saying, "Is the LORD among us or not?

Matthew 14:22-33 Jesus walks on the water

John 2:1-5 1 Now on the third day there was a wedding at Cana in Galilee.89 Jesus’ mother was there,90 2 and both Jesus and his disciples were also invited to the wedding. 3 When the wine ran out, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no wine left.” 4 Jesus replied, “Woman, why are you saying this to me? My time has not yet come.” 5 His mother told the servants, “Whatever he tells you, do it.

John 4:14 "but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst; the water that I shall give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to Eternal Life."

What has been amazing to me is that when God controls the water there is a lesson in it. When we experience hurts we freeze automatically, we don’t take 10 hours to puff up and let our hearts get hard. It is as instantaneous as the water was turned to wine. We have an automatic icemakers in our minds and hearts and when we experience hurt it is much like that magic shell chocolate we used to use a kids. It hardens around us immediately and is unyielding.

But our thawing process is slow and tenuous. It takes prayer and understanding and hugs and friends to let those guards down. God forbid we get hurt while we are thawing because then our hearts and minds become the human version of the frozen tundra. Layers upon layers of frozen fears and hurts and scabs just pile onto the old ones until we wonder where the first frozen layer even is. Our only hope is to let the God of heaven thaw us from the inside out, to let the miracle of him control our ‘water’ like He has done so aptly since the beginning of time.
As I watched in awe and somewhat horror (just being honest) as my husband smiled and shook someone’s hand yesterday that had brought much pain to our family, I was witnessing a thaw. A thaw of hope and a thaw of mercy that created a thaw of it’s own in my heart. I had never been more proud to say my husband was a person of character and someone I can call my rock and my strength. I pray that God continues to thaw us into what He wants us to be and if you have ice around your heart and your mind, just take it to Him and ask him to THAW you out; that is my prayer today. Let’s be like the ice and be easier to thaw than to be frozen. Let’s be who God desires us to be.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

The Lion is Weeping

There is a story about some friends who shared a bond that not many others had shared with them. I am thinking of these friends today. These friends were 'forever friends' ~ friends who at one time meant the world to each other. Whether they were talking about ants in their eyes, or eating dinner from a grill where the cook singed his eyebrows, these friends knew how to laugh and supposedly, how to love. These friends used to belong to me and today, I miss them, today I am sad, today, the Lion is Weeping.

When I let myself get sad for friendships lost I have to remember that Jesus, the ultimate Lion of Judah was betrayed and hurt and killed for the love He had for others. He made the ultimate love sacrifice and the Lion wept. Ultimately the Lion conquered sin and was raised from the dead to give us life eternally and when I think of this sacrifice, it makes my sacrifices and hurts and trials seem so trivial. How do I still miss the friends who betrayed me? Jesus, the true Lion of Judah is in my heart and He guides me through this sadness and brings me to the hope of the resurrection and lets me know that my suffering and shame are going to be trivial as I conquer the sin in my life and draw closer to Him.

It has been almost a year, a crazy, unpredictable, year since these hurts started and tomorrow as we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus I am determined in my heart that this Lion will weep no more, I will forget those things which are behind me and run the race that God has set before me.



Thursday, February 18, 2010

A God Shaped Hole ~ Only He Can Fill It

Today we were invited to share our ministry or our story through Kelly’s blog and I decided to put it all out there. Many times I have wondered how my situations and circumstances can help others and what these times have meant to me as a person and how these things could possibly help others.

I truly believe that God uses our circumstances and situations for His good when we let Him. I was born in 1973 to a very young mother who got pregnant out of wedlock and got married because she was pregnant. When I was almost 2; my mother was murdered and my whole life changed. My dad was young and irresponsible so my grandmother got custody of me.

Thus should have become my happy ending. Young girl raised by her grandparents, right? Um, No ~ My grandfather molested my cousin and me for years when we were kids and then when we finally told my grandmother; she got us family counseling but never divorced him. Every day I lived with my abuser and felt like I was not important enough to make the choice to not live with a child molester. Every day I wondered why my life was this, my search for being good enough led me to seek love from a very early age.

By the age of 17, I was married and still the void was there. There was this part of me that was always looking for more, but not knowing what it was. My beautiful babies came in 1993 and 1995 and the is love was different, a love I had not known before; a love that was different than any other love. But even still, there was a deep unhappiness in me that could not be explained.

I guess by now I should have already said that I grew up in church; I grew up always knowing about God, always hearing about God, always thinking I was a Christian, always wearing the title but never really knowing God, knowing Him in the glory of His power and in the beauty of his wonder.

In 2004, as my marriage fell apart I blamed God. I blamed him for the abuse, for my mom dying, for an unfaithful spouse, for all my shortcomings in life. I turned completely away from Him because I felt He had failed me in every way possible. I decided I could do just as well on my own as I had with God; not knowing that I really had not experienced Him for myself.

I met a great guy, who became my best friend and my love. I knew then that my life was complete. I knew that now I needed nothing. Except that there was a missing piece still, there was a hole that could not be filled. There is a great song out right now and one of my favorite lines goes like this. . “there is a God Shaped hole in all of us”. See that was my problem; I had this hole that only God could fill and it took me 30+ years to realize it.

The last six years have been the best of my life even though we have faced so many financial and emotional hardships but everyone of those have brought us closer to God. The day that I realized the God shaped hole could only be filled by God was the best day of my life. As you read through my other blogs you will see the path we have walked the last few years, struggling to find employment, walking through bankruptcy, suffering through hurt in ministry, having been victims of identity theft. All of this that we have went through I can see now is for God’s Glory and for us to be a help to those who are facing those same situations today and to let them know that as you let God fill that hole in your heart He can walk you through any fire.



Tuesday, February 9, 2010



It is hard to believe that it was a year ago that I wrote this here.

Kids grow so fast and it is amazing to see what a year brings. My baby will be 15 years old tomorrow and is a Freshman in high school. It seems like yesterday when I could feel his little feet press against the inside of my belly so hard that you could see his foot print on my stomach.
It seems like about an hour ago that his chubby cheeks would pop as his smile showed the first four teeth he got and that, even then, he was flirty with all the ladies.

As I read back over the post from last year, I realized that Logan really is growing up ~ he is singing in the choir at HHS and has a solo in the spring concert. He continues to play the piano some but has found he likes the guitar better. The noises from his room actually sound like music so that is a good thing.

Although he is growing up, he still has those boyish tendencies that really never go away. He has the aptitude to make me laugh, cry, smile and curse in about a 10 minute time frame and is quite proud of that. He is a button pusher in the largest way, especially toward his sister. But when push comes to shove, he has her back and she knows it.
So happy birthday to my pride and joy, the one who makes me shake my head in amazement and frustration and makes me proud to be his mama.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Blessed ~ Beyond Measure

I know it has been a while since I have blogged and all I have to say today is that I am blessed beyond measure to lead the life I have.

Be a blessing and have a blessed day~