Psalm 105:4

www.shellydeason.com

2011-03-13T09:14:00.003-05:00

Hey all,

I wanted to direct you to where I have moved my blog, it is a work in progress right now but all my old posts and several new ones have been transferred to www.shellydeason.com ~ thank you for your readership and please join me there and subscribe to my RSS feed.

One of the hardest blogs. . . ever

2011-02-10T09:14:00.014-06:00

Logan, It is so hard to find the words today, my emotions run really deep these past few months. It could be my babies are growing up and doing things like driving and graduating highschool or it could be old age. Glancing over to the couch, there is a young man sleeping there, not a little boy. Today, on your 16th birthday, there is no school because of snow, and who knows what time you went to bed. All I know is that now you takes up 1/2 the couch and just yesterday you took up a cushion. Well, maybe a few yesterdays ago, but it all goes by so fast.

Where did this two year old boy go with a heart of gold and a laugh that would melt your very being? You became a fiesty five year old who refused to wear anything but sweat pants and or eat anything but cheetos and reece cups. The five year old who was in so love with his teacher, Ms. Oliver and would make this face anytime you were asked to smile for a picture.

Then there was this eleven year old guy, who walked me mom down the aisle, even though you still didn't really like Brad too much yet. Glad that's changed, makes my life easier. I'm thankful that we have that memory of you, wearing your tuxedo reluctantly, looking like quite the handsome young man. And I am thankful for these memories, of when you starting being yourself with Brad and seeing how much you really are alike and how much you love each other.

Now here you are, a lanky 16 year old, who sends me around the world and back to find jeans that actually fit you. You are finally taller than me and Cait, which makes you VERY VERY happy! It is crazy how fast this last year has past. Logan, you have grown above and beyond all I could image. You have grown in the Lord and you have started to really seek His will for your life, and it shows. Sometimes it may not seem like I see it, sometimes it may feel like all I do is fuss at you and make you do things you don't want to do, but I see it. I see the potential in you and I see the spark in your eyes so I push you to be more, to do more, than you think you can.

I know the move to Nashville has not always been easy, but you have embraced new adventures, new friends, new places and taken it all in stride.

You don't realize the impact you have on those you meet, but you are influential among your peers, you will make such an impact for God in this city.

When I see you curled up next to Bailey and Hunter in the evening, everything is right in the world. When I see you at church with your hands raised in worship, I see your heart for Jesus, and it is Big. When I hear you in your room, playing your guitar and singing, I wonder how on earth the time has past so quickly, but it does. Tomorrow you will be one step closer to 17, then 18 and then graduation and I know I have so much more to prepare you for in such a short time.

It is an amazing honor to be your mom. It is an amazing, crazy, fun, sometimes challenging and frustrating journey to watch you grow into adulthood. Keep your smile through all life brings your, keep you faith in every situation, keep loving people when they don't love you back, make people smile when they feel like they can't anymore, play your music and sing what's in your heart. Those are your gifts, use them. I love you and hope that this year brings you more clarity and focus then every before.

Mom

With a Thankful Heart

2010-11-25T10:32:00.002-06:00

I find myself overwhelmed with emotions today and have already cried thrice as I have been reading over Facebook posts about thankfulness. It is amazing the blessings we have in each other and in the things God is doing in our lives.

While I am thankful for every friendship, every blessing, every difficulty that makes me stronger, every new client, every moment of laughter, there are some special people who have touched my heart in this last year that I want to thank personally.

Jesus: You took a hurt and emotionally fragile girl and gave her strength to keep on going, you shielded me from hurts I could not imagine, you have kept my family safe in the 1,000's of miles we traveled over the last year and through it all you have drawn me closer to your side. Thank you for seeing more in me than I see in myself. You have given me the courage and the confidence to keep working this fledgling business and I know you see great things as we continue forward. Thank you for giving me a wonderful husband and two beautiful children.

Brad: You. . . you are sometimes hard to put into words. After almost 7 years of being my best friend, my heart still skips a beat when I think of you. Your strength and character are unmatched by anyone I know. When we made this decision to move away from everything we had ever known, to leave behind the crutches of our youth, you held me up on days when my legs felt like jelly. We have laughed more in the last six months than we have in quite some time and I know that the longer we are here, the more sure we are that we made the right decision and that this is where we are meant to be. I have said this before, but it's just so true: I am thankful to walk this road of life with you whether the road is bumpy, smooth or has huge pits that we have to get through, being your wife makes it worth every moment.

Caitlin: Girlie, you are my heartbeat. You are just one DNA strand away from being me, and somedays that scares me, because I know how stubborn I can be. I have seen you grow so much not only the past year, but especially since the move. The transition of being your mom while you are becoming a woman is not always easy on either of us but I think we are doing okay. I love how focused you are on your education goals. I love that at 17 years old you KNOW what you want out of life. I love that you love Jesus more than anything in this world and I am thankful that you call me mom. As you leave our nest next year, hold onto the core of who you are and never change that.

Logan: Last week when we were talking about school and you had that 'lightbulb' moment on why we push you so hard, on why we want you to try to achieve more, it was such an answered prayer. Growing up, I was so much like you, good at tons of things but not passionate about any of them. My fear was that you would not see the big picture on how I want more for you than I can ever be and when I saw you figure it out, it completely made my day. I am thankful for your loving and sensitive heart for Jesus. I know you are going to great things for Him because you are willing to do what He calls you to even if it's not your plan. I am so excited to see where life is going to take you over the next few years.

Sis: I can't even start this without crying, mainly because you are so amazing and loving and when we came here we had no 'real' family but you made us your family. You made it okay for me to pop across town in my pj's to laugh about nothing and you have even half way taught me to talk in the 'old lady' voice. Because of what we went through before we came here, true love and acceptance felt like a thing of the past, things that we could only hope for again some day, you made those hopes true again, so thank you for making us feel a part of things from day one.

Pastor: I have no idea what you thought of us that day when we came into your office, hurt and angry, scared to trust someone with your calling ever again. I can't even remember much of what we said but I know that our walls were so thick in places and broken in others that navigating a conversation with me certainly could have felt like a mine field. I remember you saying something to us about just coming to church and trying it and not make any commitments and I thought, okay, I can do that. When we decided to make POM our home and ultimately Nashville, the messages you brought forth and the counseling you have given us have just continued to solidify that we are making the right decisions. So if I could sum it up in one word, I would say - Willingness - I am thankful for your willingness to take a chance on hurting people and for your willingness to love people like Jesus does and let God do the rest.

Brandi:I am thankful that you are my friend. I remember how we would talk last year and I would tell you how one day you would be so happy and you could not see that. Now you are happier than you have ever been. You are the first person I was able to help in some small way because of the pain that I endured through my divorce. There were days when I would get off the phone with you and cry because it would bring up my old wounds that I thought were gone. But it was such a joy as the year went on and I started to see the changes and I started to see the joy return to your life and in a way it helped me to heal parts of the past I had not touched yet. I am thankful that you are courageous and faithful and loyal and kind, I love being your friend.

Joseph:Thank you for loving my friend. Thank you for being what she needs; it makes my heart smile when I think of the 'broken road' you guys have came through to find each other. I cannot wait to see what God is going to do with your lives and your marriage.

Heather: What do you say about your best friend when you haven't had a best friend in forever. We can go weeks without seeing or talking to each other and pick up right where we left off. When I see Caitlin and Mel together I am jealous that we weren't friends from that age. I cannot imagine the stuff we would've came through together if that had been the case. I miss you so much every stinkin' day. . . and yes I am crying when I type this. I am thankful that 100 miles does not change how much we love each other; and how we will always be there for each other at the drop of a hat. Looking forward to seeing you soon, I love you!

Mom & Marlena: I know this last six months has not been your favorite and I am thankful you didn't give us as much grief as you could have over us moving. Thank you for having the tenacity to put up with us through these last 3 years that were the worst we could have went through. If not for the two of you, we would have been homeless. Thank you for showing us what a mothers' heart does for her kids. Thank you for loving us through it all.

POM: My church family, you have no idea what you mean to me. To be here in Nashville, with no close family, you have truly loved us and welcomed us with open arms. You have made a difference in our lives everytime we come into contact whether it be at church, eating a meal or just hanging out. TeamDeason is thankful for Point of Mercy.

Forgiveness and Thank You's

2010-09-14T15:09:00.004-05:00

There comes a time where forgiveness is just in order ~ when we look at the scripture and see how often Jesus tells his disciples to love each other and to forgive those that do us wrong it is amazing how little it seems to matter to us. By us, I really mean myself because I'm not trying to judge anyone on this but myself. I have a lot of experience in forgiveness and even wrote a blog a few weeks ago about forgiveness that was one of the best blogs I've written about how much of a struggle it is but what a blessing there is in the forgiving.

So that is what I am doing today with Shane West. I am forgiving you, I am releasing the burden of frustration and hurt and pain and walking in forgiveness. There was a day that the very thought of saying I forgive you to the person/people who caused my family such hurt was a joke. In fact, I thought this day would never come. I thought that unless you were in jail and paid for the things you did to so many people that my soul would not have peace. That if this didn't happen the way I wanted it to, that God was acting a little crazy. That somehow, if He would just make you pay for the things you had done, that my life would be vilified, that I would feel like He let me finally have that WIN you've talked about ~ but instead, as I began to pray and to seek His face, I began to understand that the WIN is in the experiences the WIN is in the growing that I've done as a child of the King because of the situations that were created by you.

Without these situations, I would not have known how strong my husband is and how much confidence God had in him when he put us together. I would not know that those arms that wrapped around me when I cried could really fix just about anything and when he couldn't, HE could. I would have never seen how much he loves the children we have together and how he would do anything in his power to create safety and security in their lives. I would not have seen him with tears on his cheeks as we prayed together for direction as a family. Thank you for that.

Without the pain, I would not have known how strong I am as an individual. I would never have seen that hospitality and just plain ole' loving people is my ministry because after the hurt, it was something I had to fight for. Before last year, I never had to 'put myself out there' because it came so naturally. I never really understood or appreciated the discernment gift that God gave me until He started revealing to me what His plan was for my life. I never had to pray that hard or work that hard at trusting God or anyone else, and that has made me seek His face more and more. Thank you for that.

Without the lies, I could have never experienced the full truth in who I am as a person. Watching my children blossom under true ministry and taking a foothold in their gifts has been more than I could ever ask for. Finding respect and confidence in church leadership again was definitely something I thought I would ever see again. Because the lies became so obvious, it is so much easier to see the truth of who people are and I like what I see around me. I love where I am in my life and I'm not going to apologize if that upsets you because I have you to thank for where I am right now.

The path we walked together was some of the best times of my life and the only thing that makes me sad when I think about it is wondering if any of it was even true. That's the hardest part of your lies, I know there was truth in some of it, I just don't know or will never know, which part. You will forever be the person that I always wish had turned out different because, you could be so much more if you would only let God fix you. I can say this in all honesty, from this day forth, I will pray you get your life fixed. I will pray that you finally become the man God wants you to be. . .

Forgive

You

Shelly

Winning Isn't Everything. . . Or is it?

2010-09-10T07:24:00.004-05:00

What does it mean to win? What is winning? According to Webster winning can be a noun or a verb but when we think of the word how do we read it? Do we read the passive kind of winning like, he won that by his efforts or the active winning like, He beat the pants off that person in whatever he was trying to do. I think that in life, we sometimes get obsessed by 'the win' by using the king to checkmate our opponent, by taking the last dollar or hotel your friend has in Monopoly or by diving across the table to get that last spoon and hoping you don't get your eye put out in the process.

Winning for me is being secure in who I am every day. The Bible says in Phillipians 3:14 "I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus" ~ Winning for me is moving my life every day toward what and who God wants me to be. The ultimate prize in this life is making it to heaven.

One of the best things that's happened to my family since moving to Nashville is seeing my children growing in God. They are bringing their friends to church and they are really establishing their own walks with God. Just yesterday, I was having a frustrating day and my daughter brought to mind how Pastor had just taught on Sunday about our testimonies being under attack. Those simple words from her brought me to tears because I knew the word was getting in her. I knew that we are in the will of God and for me, that is Winning.

So in the small things in life, winning isn't everything, but in the big scheme of things, Winning is everything~ Walking with God and winning the ultimate prize of a relationship with Jesus Christ is what this life is all about!

The Bridge of Forgiveness

2010-07-20T10:38:00.010-05:00

God = Funny

Just last night I was walking on this bridge with my husband. It was beautiful balmy night in Nashville and we decided to escape for some alone time. We'd never been on the pedestrian bridge so we decided to take a stroll and look at the city lights. It was beautiful. It was breathtaking. It was funny. Brad was going in for a romantic kiss when a homeless man interrupted to ask for some spare change. That was funny ~

As we looked and relaxed in the awe of where we were we began to talk about what an amazing journey the Lord has placed us on and that our life is so different from where we were just a short time ago. I hope there won't be a day when I am not amazed by the Nashville skyline. I love this place, this east Nashville vibe and the people who are in my life.

On that bridge last night I was thankful for every experience I have endured that brought me to that moment and in those short minutes, I thought, nothing can touch this. Nothing can touch this feeling, this clear path of where we are and who we are becoming.

As we left the bridge I thought, that was really an experience in forgiveness. Looking at the strong parts of the bridge and how it held up against every wind and every flood and every boat that might bump against it, it reminded me of God and how when we are rooted in his love and forgiveness that people can bump us and the wind can blow us but the forgiveness is what makes us strong. Forgiveness makes us strong because it's what makes us. The pain people put on us is not what makes us strong, it's the willingness on our part to Forgive as God forgives us that makes us strong. The hurts we experience are there to allow us to grow in Forgiveness.

As we walked backed to the car I told Brad that I know that there will be challenges ahead of us even though right now we feel on top of the world. I also told him that the only thing that scares me is that I know whatever comes our way will be more personal than anything before and I hope my bridge of forgiveness is strong and sure so that I can move through it.
I woke this morning to discover a hurt that I had long ago 'thought' I had gotten past was thrown up at me in the worst way. There is a part of me that feels like I am dying inside right now and only God and I can talk about it. No one else can understand where I am emotionally about this one thing. The bridge of forgiveness that I talked about in my head last night as I dreamt up this blog was pretty and silver and as I look at it today, there seem to be some steps missing and it's a little shakey. Did I mention God is Funny? Nevertheless, I am going to get on this bridge and I don't know how long it will take me to cross it, I don't know how sure my steps are, but I know that with Him all things are possible. I know that when I get on the other side of this bridge I will feel safe again and be able to breathe.

I know God didn't bring me to this bridge without knowing I can cross it.

I know that.

And for today, for this moment, that's enough.

June14, 2009

2010-07-06T21:00:00.005-05:00

We were talking this weekend about when we first came to Point of Mercy, our church home here in Nashville. Today I got on my blog because I remembered writing a post the next day after we had visited, the day that changed our life and put us on the path we are walking today. This post was about the pain and the betrayal and hurt we were feeling on that day. It is AMAZING how far God can bring you in a year's time.

Almost one year exactly to that day, June 17, 2010 ~ we moved into our cute, roomy bungalow here in East Nashville. We moved here where Hopkinsville already seems to be a life time ago.

Here where there are sidewalks to take the puppies, music lessons the next block over for Logan, and our kids going to high school on a college campus. Here where God has placed us to do a work for Him.I am amazed and in awe at how great our God is and that He chose TeamDeason to walk through the fires we have went through so that we can help others to come out on the other side, just like we have ~ I never want to forget the blessing in the trial because on the other side the sweetness of knowing it was all for us to grow in Him makes each trial worth it ~ We are Blessed Beyond Measure

Shelly

Seventeen Again ~ A Letter to My Daughter

2010-05-05T01:01:00.011-05:00

Caitlin,

Seventeen means so many things to me. Seventeen has woven itself in and out of my life since the day I was born; and today, as you turn seventeen, it happens once more.

Your grandmother was Seventeen when she found herself pregnant with me and seventeen when she married your granddad and had me that August of 1973.

Seventeen years later, in 1990 on a warm August Saturday, your Dad and I got married and at seventeen, I was a wife. I cannot imagine how my mom felt letting me marry at such a young age, and I am thankful that you have your sights set on Jesus, schooling and career at this age instead of marriage. On that warm August afternoon in 1990 there were no doubts and no fears, only excitement for the future. I am sure that your dad and I could have made better choices and while there were things we both regret; you were were never one of those regrets. Three years later, on May 5th, 1993, you arrived; you were more than we had hoped for and we loved you with all we had in the best way we knew how.

Last night, like every birthday in between, we came together as a family for a birthday party that you really didn’t even want to have. We ate and laughed , had birthday cupcakes, virgin margaritas in pretty glasses and had our house full of love. It warmed my heart when afterward you told me that you were glad I had the party for you. This party, was admittedly, for me. I feel that this is the last chance to catch you in that divide between child and adult, and I wanted to revel in every second of it. If I had it to again, I would go back and even buy a piñata.

When you were a baby, I pushed you to be independent, I pushed you to be your own person and on days like today, I wish I had let you be a baby more, let you lean on me more and ride on my shoulders instead of walking on your own. Today as you are on the cusp of becoming a woman, I have been observing how you are taking charge of your life and I am proud to be your mama. I am proud of the drive you have to go after a career that will be challenging and heartbreaking on some days, I am proud that you are learning much earlier in life than I did that your words have weight and meaning, I am proud that you love Jesus more than anything else in this world and that you have a heart for the hurting around you.

Where did this crazy-faced, cake eating baby girl go who was so happy to just have a Cinderella party? Gone is this little pigtailed girl and in her place is a young woman on the brink of first loves, first heartbreaks, first kisses, first car, first college experiences. Thank you for bringing me along on this trip with you. It's amazing to be your Mom. Digging through the photos of your life tonight, I cried as I saw those moments and faces that only come in certain stages of life. I am thankful that not only do you respect me as your mom, that you love me as a friend.

Don’t ever take the stages of your life for granted. It's okay to be single, it's okay to be in love, it's okay to be whatever you want. I am grateful for every fork in the road and every decision I have made because it brought me to today. Don’t ever worry about what others think of you, plow ahead into all that life has for you; and on the sidelines, I will be here, forever cheering you on as only a mama can. I hope some of these photos bring back the good memories for you that they brought me tonight.

I love you Cait, keep Jesus and your family first and be like me in this one respect, Make every Seventeen Count!

Mom

The Door

2010-05-03T21:07:00.006-05:00

I came to the realization today that, in my heart, I am already a Nashvillian. As I sit in my house in Kentucky, with my yard dry enough that it could be mown today, I cried every time I looked at pictures from Franklin, Hermitage, East Nashville, Downtown, Hendersonville, etc. THIS is my city, this is the place I love and now, it has a lot of work before it to get it back to where it was before. The door of my heart is so open to Nashville, more so now than ever before I wish that I was there standing arm and arm with the sandbaggers and sump pump operators. Being able to tell people that we have extra room so come on over would at least feel like we are doing something.

My heart breaks as I think of children who don't have their favorite blanket or pillow and for moms and dads who have no idea what they will do because they have no flood insurance. Being an animal lover, I think of the many animals that are displaced. Being a small business owner, I think of people that if they lose their business, their whole world is turned upside down.

My heart hurts for the homeless person who's home is literally washed away. I think of how the two income family is not much different from the people who always reside underneath the Jefferson Street Bridge or have a tent or two off of Trinity Lane. Every Sunday and Wednesday, as we head down Trinity Lane to church, we will see a few homeless people, sometimes panhandling, sometimes walking their dog, sometimes just heading to the tents that you can see through the brush on the right hand side of the road right before the Pilot. The white & blue tarps are just visible enough for you to know they are there, and I wonder, as the brush becomes green with spring and summer, will we even see that? When we see these folks we always talk about it, how we are so blessed to not be without, how we are blessed for family that helped us when we could have been in that place, those tents on the side of the road.

As you watch this video below just put yourself there for a minute, for a moment in time and think of what you would do if this happened to you. This was swift and unimaginable and honestly, it will probably get worse for most people before it gets better. My heart breaks and my words move often today for God to show His face in this disaster, for Him to make himself known. Maybe He makes himself known in us, maybe it takes things like this for us to tap into the relationship with Him that we need.

Please continue to pray for Nashville families and businesses and homeless and churches that unity will bring us all together and that God will be glorified through this tragedy somehow. If you can help financially, please send to the red cross.

We have checked a few times and as far as we know, this door (and the house attached to it) is safe. This door makes my heart smile and gives me hope. It makes me aware that I will be there hand in hand with my neighbors through the summer and beyond, restoring a city to its beauty and wonder.

It's the door that will welcome us home when we get to Nashville in June. It's the door that many will go through for bible studies, cookouts, sleepovers, fellowship, yummy cup cakes and love. I am excited to share more behind this door with you but that will keep for another day. Just keep our friends and neighbors in your hearts and your minds and Keep Him First Always.

Blessings,

Shelly

Loss

2010-04-27T23:22:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I get tired of how I blog. I get an idea stuck in my head and it won't go away until i put it here, for you all to read. This week has seemed to be surrounded by loss both in the positive and the negative. Loss seems to be all around me & since I cannot escape it, I will blog about it.Honestly, I feel like shouting right now about the goodness of God in my life. I am sure that would scare some of you to death to see me shoutin', but God has been so good to my family through loss. If I had an aisle to run right now, I would be dangerous. . .

About a year ago today, I lost some of my best friends and that was a sad loss for me & my family. Today as I revisited some of the reasons for this loss, I came out with the understanding that sometimes you have to lose those things you held most dearly in order to grab a hold of what is most important. Wow, even in saying that, I am amazed at where God has moved my life. God is so amazing and His plan is so definite that if we just let go and lose all the things around us that seem so important and hold onto Him, He won't let us fall. In fact, it is more than likely His idea for you to let go of those things in the first place.

See, today I trust God more, because I know He leads me. Today, I hold my husband more tightly because I know how the enemy tried to destroy our family. Today, I am aglow with pride because my kids are sensitive to God and I can see His purpose being fulfilled in their lives. Today, I am thankful that my Pastor seeks God's face and brings the Word with passion and intensity because God led us to a wonderful church home.

If I had never let go and experienced the loss and pain I would most likely not be experiencing the greatness that is in my life right now. The Bible teaches us about counting it joy when we are put to the test. I love how 'The Message' depicts James 1:2-4 ~ Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

As the trials and pressures of this life swell around us, let's count it all joy. It is because of the joy I have in my life that I am not as discouraged as I could be about my weight loss (or lack thereof). It is through this joy that I see God growing our business in His time and not ours. It is through this joy that I hopefully can speak peace into the troubled life of a friend or has experienced a loss of their own. It is through this joy that I choose to move forward and take the losses and turn them into wins. God is developing something in you right now and you don't even realize it. Just hang in there through this loss in your life and give Him time to show you what it was about.

Blessings,

Shelly

Rough Patches are for Sanding

2010-04-24T22:32:00.002-05:00

I've been going through a 'rough patch' in my home. By definition a rough patch is to experience a lot of problems in a period in your life. I would say that pretty much is dead on for me right now. Maybe 'rough patch' is too harsh really, maybe its just a period of adjustment that has me thinking this through so much.

I think that in this time of crossroads where Brad & I are working together now, building our business, getting ready to move to Nashville, getting the kids' their school interviews for fall, being in Nashville, on average, three days a week, trying to balance that and our quality time is really not working. This transitional time has been pretty hard on me because although I am excited about the changes going on, I don't always deal with change well and right now, everything is changing. Everything!

So many changes, so many concerns, so much to budget, to juggle, to decide, to discuss, to manage, to figure out, and taking no time to enjoy glancing over the top of our plates at a dinner table or a quick hug as we go out the door. People have always picked on Brad & I for our lovey dovey ways and honestly, I have always had a great sense of pride in the fact that we are best friends and that we do always have that spark with each other. Over the last little bit, the spark has gave way to comfort and being so used to seeing each other 24/7 that we haven't had time to miss each other or be excited to see the other person arrive. We wake up together, work together, eat together, cook together, look at houses together, etc. You get the idea.

It made me sad last week as I thought about it and I told Brad, "This is no fun, I feel like, for the first time in six years, we are old married people". This is not who we are, we have let ourselves become this way the last 5 months because we are stressed, over worked and tired and this has made us lazy about one of the most important aspects of our lives, each other.

Today, the scripture, Phillipians 4:6 came to my mind about our situation "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." Our marriages are, besides our relationship with God, the most important relationships on this earth. With our marriages we show the world around us what an example of a christian marriage is, we teach our children how to be parents and team mates, we show each other the value that we truly have. I have renewed sense of awareness that my marriage will not fall by the wayside of bills and decisions and problems that just won't matter in two weeks. I will cherish how lucky and blessed I am to be married to my best friend and instead of complaining about our life being to boring, find ways to make it not.

Rough Patches are good, because they help us realize that something needs our attention before it's too late. Rough Patches are God's way of saying, Hey, Look over there and sand that down and get back on a smooth path. I am so thankful that He allows me to learn lessons through everything I go through and that He cares for our souls so much!

Blessings,

Shelly

A lesson from the Water

2010-04-17T09:09:00.001-05:00

I did some research this morning on freezing and thawing ~ it is so strange to me that we as people completely buck the process that God designed.

I remember being a newlywed and our freezer did not have self defrost, much less an ice maker. Stacking those ice trays ups and checking them way too often would be so frustrating to that 17 year old girl. What was even more frustrating is opening the freezer and there being ice trays in there with no ice and no water at all. Refilling ice trays was not my strong suite. I wish I had known about $5 bags of ice from sonic back then. Anyway, my research today showed me that four typical ice trays put into the freezer at room temperature take 10 hours to freeze. As the molecules of the water get colder and colder they expand and grow larger until they are those chunks of ice.

That typical piece of ice, though, takes on average less than 2 hours to thaw. I don’t know the science on this, but in view of life events I find it interesting. God in all His wisdom made water to thaw faster than he made it to freeze. Can we humans take a lesson from the water? It seems that God has used water for ever to try and teach us lessons.

Genesis 7:17-19 ..and it continued forty days upon the earth; and the waters increased, and bore up the ark, and it rose high above the earth. The waters prevailed and increased greatly upon the earth; and the ark floated on the face of the waters. And the waters prevailed so mightily upon the earth that all the high mountains under the whole heaven were covered."

Exodus 2:5-6 "Now the daughter of Pharaoh came down to bathe at the river, and her maidens walked beside the river; she saw the basket among the reeds and sent her maid to fetch it. When she opened it she saw the child; and lo, the babe was crying. She took pity on him and said, "This is one of the Hebrews' children...And the child grew, and she brought him to Pharaoh's daughter, and he became her son; and she named him Moses, for she said, "Because I drew him out of the water."

Exodus 7:19 The LORD said to Moses, "Tell Aaron, 'Take your staff and stretch out your hand over the waters of Egypt--over the streams and canals, over the ponds and all the reservoirs'--and they will turn to blood. Blood will be everywhere in Egypt, even in the wooden buckets and stone jars."

Exodus 14:21 states, "And Moses stretched out his hand over the sea; and the LORD caused the sea to go back by a strong east wind all that night, and made the sea dry land, and the waters were divided." Verse 24 says, "And it came to pass, that in the morning watch the LORD looked unto the host of the Egyptians through the pillar of fire and of the cloud, and troubled the host of the Egyptians."

Exodus 17:4-5 4 Then Moses cried out to the LORD, "What am I to do with these people? They are almost ready to stone me." 5 The LORD answered Moses, "Walk on ahead of the people. Take with you some of the elders of Israel and take in your hand the staff with which you struck the Nile, and go. 6 I will stand there before you by the rock at Horeb. Strike the rock, and water will come out of it for the people to drink." So Moses did this in the sight of the elders of Israel. 7 And he called the place Massah and Meribah because the Israelites quarreled and because they tested the LORD saying, "Is the LORD among us or not?

Matthew 14:22-33 Jesus walks on the water

John 2:1-5 1 Now on the third day there was a wedding at Cana in Galilee.89 Jesus’ mother was there,90 2 and both Jesus and his disciples were also invited to the wedding. 3 When the wine ran out, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no wine left.” 4 Jesus replied, “Woman, why are you saying this to me? My time has not yet come.” 5 His mother told the servants, “Whatever he tells you, do it.

John 4:14 "but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst; the water that I shall give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to Eternal Life."

What has been amazing to me is that when God controls the water there is a lesson in it. When we experience hurts we freeze automatically, we don’t take 10 hours to puff up and let our hearts get hard. It is as instantaneous as the water was turned to wine. We have an automatic icemakers in our minds and hearts and when we experience hurt it is much like that magic shell chocolate we used to use a kids. It hardens around us immediately and is unyielding.

But our thawing process is slow and tenuous. It takes prayer and understanding and hugs and friends to let those guards down. God forbid we get hurt while we are thawing because then our hearts and minds become the human version of the frozen tundra. Layers upon layers of frozen fears and hurts and scabs just pile onto the old ones until we wonder where the first frozen layer even is. Our only hope is to let the God of heaven thaw us from the inside out, to let the miracle of him control our ‘water’ like He has done so aptly since the beginning of time.
As I watched in awe and somewhat horror (just being honest) as my husband smiled and shook someone’s hand yesterday that had brought much pain to our family, I was witnessing a thaw. A thaw of hope and a thaw of mercy that created a thaw of it’s own in my heart. I had never been more proud to say my husband was a person of character and someone I can call my rock and my strength. I pray that God continues to thaw us into what He wants us to be and if you have ice around your heart and your mind, just take it to Him and ask him to THAW you out; that is my prayer today. Let’s be like the ice and be easier to thaw than to be frozen. Let’s be who God desires us to be.

The Lion is Weeping

2010-04-03T21:50:00.002-05:00

There is a story about some friends who shared a bond that not many others had shared with them. I am thinking of these friends today. These friends were 'forever friends' ~ friends who at one time meant the world to each other. Whether they were talking about ants in their eyes, or eating dinner from a grill where the cook singed his eyebrows, these friends knew how to laugh and supposedly, how to love. These friends used to belong to me and today, I miss them, today I am sad, today, the Lion is Weeping.

When I let myself get sad for friendships lost I have to remember that Jesus, the ultimate Lion of Judah was betrayed and hurt and killed for the love He had for others. He made the ultimate love sacrifice and the Lion wept. Ultimately the Lion conquered sin and was raised from the dead to give us life eternally and when I think of this sacrifice, it makes my sacrifices and hurts and trials seem so trivial. How do I still miss the friends who betrayed me? Jesus, the true Lion of Judah is in my heart and He guides me through this sadness and brings me to the hope of the resurrection and lets me know that my suffering and shame are going to be trivial as I conquer the sin in my life and draw closer to Him.

It has been almost a year, a crazy, unpredictable, year since these hurts started and tomorrow as we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus I am determined in my heart that this Lion will weep no more, I will forget those things which are behind me and run the race that God has set before me.

Blessings,

Shelly

A God Shaped Hole ~ Only He Can Fill It

2010-02-18T23:58:00.002-06:00

Today we were invited to share our ministry or our story through Kelly’s blog and I decided to put it all out there. Many times I have wondered how my situations and circumstances can help others and what these times have meant to me as a person and how these things could possibly help others.

I truly believe that God uses our circumstances and situations for His good when we let Him. I was born in 1973 to a very young mother who got pregnant out of wedlock and got married because she was pregnant. When I was almost 2; my mother was murdered and my whole life changed. My dad was young and irresponsible so my grandmother got custody of me.

Thus should have become my happy ending. Young girl raised by her grandparents, right? Um, No ~ My grandfather molested my cousin and me for years when we were kids and then when we finally told my grandmother; she got us family counseling but never divorced him. Every day I lived with my abuser and felt like I was not important enough to make the choice to not live with a child molester. Every day I wondered why my life was this, my search for being good enough led me to seek love from a very early age.

By the age of 17, I was married and still the void was there. There was this part of me that was always looking for more, but not knowing what it was. My beautiful babies came in 1993 and 1995 and the is love was different, a love I had not known before; a love that was different than any other love. But even still, there was a deep unhappiness in me that could not be explained.

I guess by now I should have already said that I grew up in church; I grew up always knowing about God, always hearing about God, always thinking I was a Christian, always wearing the title but never really knowing God, knowing Him in the glory of His power and in the beauty of his wonder.

In 2004, as my marriage fell apart I blamed God. I blamed him for the abuse, for my mom dying, for an unfaithful spouse, for all my shortcomings in life. I turned completely away from Him because I felt He had failed me in every way possible. I decided I could do just as well on my own as I had with God; not knowing that I really had not experienced Him for myself.

I met a great guy, who became my best friend and my love. I knew then that my life was complete. I knew that now I needed nothing. Except that there was a missing piece still, there was a hole that could not be filled. There is a great song out right now and one of my favorite lines goes like this. . “there is a God Shaped hole in all of us”. See that was my problem; I had this hole that only God could fill and it took me 30+ years to realize it.

The last six years have been the best of my life even though we have faced so many financial and emotional hardships but everyone of those have brought us closer to God. The day that I realized the God shaped hole could only be filled by God was the best day of my life. As you read through my other blogs you will see the path we have walked the last few years, struggling to find employment, walking through bankruptcy, suffering through hurt in ministry, having been victims of identity theft. All of this that we have went through I can see now is for God’s Glory and for us to be a help to those who are facing those same situations today and to let them know that as you let God fill that hole in your heart He can walk you through any fire.

Blessings,

Shelly

FIFTEEN YEARS AGO

2010-02-09T19:14:00.004-06:00

FIFTEEN YEARS OLD

It is hard to believe that it was a year ago that I wrote this here.

Kids grow so fast and it is amazing to see what a year brings. My baby will be 15 years old tomorrow and is a Freshman in high school. It seems like yesterday when I could feel his little feet press against the inside of my belly so hard that you could see his foot print on my stomach.
It seems like about an hour ago that his chubby cheeks would pop as his smile showed the first four teeth he got and that, even then, he was flirty with all the ladies.

As I read back over the post from last year, I realized that Logan really is growing up ~ he is singing in the choir at HHS and has a solo in the spring concert. He continues to play the piano some but has found he likes the guitar better. The noises from his room actually sound like music so that is a good thing.

Although he is growing up, he still has those boyish tendencies that really never go away. He has the aptitude to make me laugh, cry, smile and curse in about a 10 minute time frame and is quite proud of that. He is a button pusher in the largest way, especially toward his sister. But when push comes to shove, he has her back and she knows it.
So happy birthday to my pride and joy, the one who makes me shake my head in amazement and frustration and makes me proud to be his mama.

Blessed ~ Beyond Measure

2010-01-26T17:29:00.001-06:00

I know it has been a while since I have blogged and all I have to say today is that I am blessed beyond measure to lead the life I have.

Be a blessing and have a blessed day~

Shelly

Growing Up, Moving On. . .

2009-12-09T01:41:00.003-06:00

With the holidays behind us, I think back on what they meant to me growing up. Because of my extended, dysfunctional family, there were more Christmas celebrations you could count on one hand.

There was Memaw Bertha's house which reeked of turnip greens on the stove and there were always a ton of presents under her tree. It didn't matter that most of them came from Woolworth and they weren't on 'your list' ~ Memaw Bertha always had something for everyone that came in her door. The food there was not the best so we always went right for Papaw Wallaces red velvet cake, which he made with his pipe sticking out of the left side of his face. This was the house where we could get by with just about anything and if a grown up fussed at us, well Memaw would say 'leave those babies alone'. We always went here on lunch on Christmas Eve because it was her birthday and because it fit into the many places we needed to go.

Christmas Eve night was spent with my Meme's family. We either went to Meme's or out to Aunt Lindas and here the food was the best. Deviled eggs, ham, fresh fruit, cheese log, german chocolate cake and as I mentioned about Thanksgiving, Meme's chocolate pie. Usually she made three of them and there was barely any left. Here, us kids drew names and we usually stayed up late playing games and just being stupid in general.

Christmas Day always began at home with whatever 'Santa' left under the tree. See, there were the unwrapped 'santa' gifts and then there were the wrapped gifts. Way too much stuff under the tree and so spoiled and we did not even realize it.

That afternoon I would go to with my Dad to Granny Millie's. She had been up cooking since 5am and the ham was to die for although the canned biscuits were always burned. Granny Millie got stuff off our list and tried to make sure we had whatever we wanted.

These days all of us kids have grown up and with Memaw Bertha and Meme gone on to be with the Lord, the family has splintered into so many parts that it is hard for us all to get together. I know this, Christmas for us, is being together as a family. Whatever that means.

This year; it meant having Christmas on December 23rd with my exhusband Bill, my Mom, the Kids and us at my moms. The kids were so excited to spend Christmas with both of their parents and we were happy to do it for them.

Christmas Eve was a drive by to Granny Millies for the kids to get their gifts on our way to Illinois to Brad's family's where we spend Christmas Day and came back home on the 26th.

On the 30th; we had our 'Meme's Christmas' pretty much food and hanging out at my moms.

I love the holidays but I am always glad when they are over. I am working on a year in review post and some goals for this year. .talk to you soon.

Shelly

Seriously? You laugh at what?

2009-11-26T23:31:00.001-06:00

Thanksgiving with my family seems like a version of the movie groundhog day. Every year is the comfortably the same with the exception of us each growing older every year. There is always some little ones running around; older ones bossing younger ones; the sure fire family fight (this year was between me & Nick over putting butter on corn); guys watching football; and us reminiscing about years gone by.

My Meme was famous for her Chocolate Pie and since she died over five years ago we have never really had anything like it grace the kitchen. Oh, the German chocolate cake was still a guarantee and there are always cookies and pies and more dessert than should be legal, but the chocolate pie was missing. I have scoured the nation and ordered chocolate pie after chocolate pie to no avail. No One makes pie like my Meme. My cousin Tracey read a poem at her funeral and the chocolate pie was mentioned several times. It is one of those traditions that we loved about our Meme. She was a grouchy lady for the most part and always had a smart remark but we would fight over the last piece of her chocolate pie. Well, surprise upon surprise, Peggy (who is not known for her cooking, not being rude, just being honest {she knows this}) got the recipe and tried her hand at it this year. It is crazy how a taste can be a memory but it is. I could not believe that we were having Meme's chocolate pie, but there it was the buttery crust in my mouth, the meringue mingling around it dancing with the taste of the gooey chocolate. I was 10 years old again bullying my cousins and running through the house in my sock feet. I was immediately seeing that face with the twinkling eyes and curly white hair standing over the stove in one of her 'jogging suits' ready to smack the hands getting in the ham before time to eat. Kudos to Peggy for those memories and for the two pounds I gained eating WONDERFUL chocolate pie.

As we savored the pie my cousins and aunts and I began to talk about how fast our kids are growing and how apparently, Lori and I are now middle aged. Ugh, I am refusing to be middle aged. I am going to live to be 100 so I will not be middle-aged until at least 50 so I have 14 more years. . . LOL ~ The table is always filled with laughter and some of the same stories year after year. Sometimes we remember things not talked about in years like how we thought the grownups were dumb when they hid the easter eggs in plain sight in Meme's yard and they laughed and said, well we wanted it to be easy so it would be over quick.

Somehow we ended up talking about our family faux paus. We, well some of us, laugh at funerals. We have had to separate ourselves at funerals to not laugh and two of my aunts had to leave a funeral once because they could not quit laughing. I remember one funeral when we were glared at and we tried to contain ourselves. Why do we do this? We have no clue, it's a nervous thing. So talk moved to what we were going to do when my mom passes away. We all have to sit on the front row and that will be pretty bad to be sitting in the front row of my mom's funeral laughing at some point. I say this because I know I will be crushed beyond belief because even after 36 years, I am a Mama's girl. She makes me mad, she makes me laugh, she makes me cry, but no one can compare to who she is to me. As we laughed about this tonight, mom said, "In front of everyone, I give you all permission to laugh at my funeral" which was funny in itself. I told her we would just make buttons or stickers to hand out at the door that say "we laugh at funerals" so no one will be surprised or offended. . . . seriously, though, laughter is the best medicine.

Over laughter Nichole and I made up over our butter incident. Over laughter, we discuss disciplining our children, meeting our life's goals and memories from childhood past. Today was about laughter and memories and thankfulness for those we hold near and dear and don't tell them nearly enough.

Feel free to share some of your Thanksgiving Memories.

Show us Your Life ~ Pets

2009-11-20T01:24:00.005-06:00

Kelly is doing Pets this week on Show us your life and I could not resist this one. . .

We have, of course, two human babies that are 14 & 16 years old.

We have had hunter since Cait was 7 or 8, so he has been part of our family for over half her life and most of Logan's. He is the Alpha Male in this pack and sometimes needs to be reminded that we are actually the pack leaders. He is happy to lay on the couch or snuggle between me and Brad in the mornings.

Hunter loves to lay around, like, all the time!

Baleigh has been with us for about 8 months. She is around 10 months old and crazy as Hunter is calm. She is a lab/boxer mix and her affection for all things garbage related can sometimes be quite irritating. But her loving demeanor soon wins you back over and it is hard to stay mad at her.

Baleigh has a slight underbite (well not so slight) but she is too cute

Just when life seemed good in the dog department, I got stupid. Okay, I am a sucker for a pretty face anymore. I used to not be a dog person but apparently this has changed. Little Zoey entered our home about 3 weeks ago at age 4 weeks. She had to be taken from her mom early and was headed to the pound and when those brown eyes looked up at me, I was a goner. The family soon succumbed to her wiles and she is our baby.

Could you resist this face? Not me . . . .

We are not planning on adding to the dog family anytime soon, but who knows what this old sap will do. Stick around and read some blogs, I would love for you to follow our family as we walk this crazy journey through life.

Much Love,

Shelly

and again. . . .

2009-11-15T19:39:00.004-06:00

One of my favorite things about God is that we can always begin again. . . . and again. . . . and again.

Pastor's message today dug at my heart. He talked about what our purpose is for the kingdom. I think that I am finally letting God back in where He wants to be because for the last six months I have leaned on God, I have held onto God, I have relied on God, I have been this pitiful small person before the Lord and in that, I forgot my purpose not only in the work of God but also in my personal life. In the wanting to shield my heart, I quit making myself available to God like I needed to. I leaned on Him but didn't allow myself to invest in anything except for my husband and kids and a few close friends.

Days have went by without doing anything at work but playing games or hanging out on facebook when I should have been working. Days have went by with no laundry being done or supper cooked. Not everyday, of course, but enough days that it is noticeable. Enough days that my work suffers and that my husband has to say, Hey Honey, "Let's catch up on laundry tonight" or the kids get excited because I am actually cooking and not doing Wendy's or the Chicken Strips and Fries that our FryDaddy cranks out on a regular basis.

I cannot remember the last time I cried so hard before God and the only words I could say were "I want to be different but I don't know how" "I want to work with a purpose but I don't know how" "Please fix me, Please change me" "I want to be different but I don't know how". All I know is that when I got up from the altar I felt like it was one of those again moments. I know that tomorrow God is going to once more, again, help me to find my purpose in the natural and the spiritual.

What do you need to begin again today? Is it with your family? Is it at work? Is it in your time of worship and prayer? Whatever it is, God is an again kind of God and He loves us, again. . .and again. . . and again.

A Fine Line

2009-11-11T11:28:00.003-06:00

I walk a fine line. A line between moving forward in the wonders and majesty of what God is doing in my life today and how He is blessing me right now and how I know He is blessing my future versus not being able to forget the past hurt because it comes up almost daily in some shape or form.

As we prepare to go to court again on November 18th there is that part of me that dreads to see the face of the man who for all intents and purposes, was my family. The man who stole my identity and and destroyed my email accounts without a single thought to what that did to our family. The man who did everything he could for three years to isolate my family and turn friends against us. Then there is the part of me that likes to face it head on, knowing no matter what the outcome that God is still on the throne and that all will be revealed and dealt with in His time frame, not mine. The part of me that can walk in that courtroom knowing whatever happens, God knows the hurt and God knows the situation from the inside out.

Walking in forgiveness for myself is easy most days. Walking in forgiveness has freed me from the chains of hatred and bitterness that tried to form around my heart. The hard part of forgiveness is not even toward Shane but toward the situation and the fact that there are people who actually believe this guy, in his unrepentant state, can still be a leader for the Kingdom of God.

I know this is going to be controversial to some but the Bible says in Luke 17: 3-4 "If thy brother trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in the day turns again to thee saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him." Those are the words of Jesus, the words of our Savior. How could the brother forgive if he had not been repented to and asked for forgiveness?

When the prodigal son returned to his father he said Luke 15:21"Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy site, and am no more worthy to be called thy son." This father was not left to wonder what was in his son's heart. There was repentance there. Romans 3:23 says "All of us sin and fall short of the glory of God." The fact that sins were committed is not the issue, the issue is that there are one of two scenarios in place here:

1. The person in question is under a spirit of confusion and does not realize that they were wrong.

2. They refuse to acknowledge the sins they committed and feel justified in their actions.

My deepest prayer is that people turn to God and not to a man in this day we live in. Belief in a man, a building, an earthly kingdom full of flattering words and empty promises will not get you one step closer to where God intends for you to be. Please pray that you are not deceived and that God reveals the truth for all to see before you are like Proverbs 26:11 " As a dog returns to his own vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly." Or as us regular folks would put it, Fool me once, Shame on You; Fool me twice, Shame on me.

I know this is not a pretty blog, but today it's who I am, it's how I feel and somewhere, someone is reading this feeling the same way and sometimes its just good for someone to identify with you for a minute. To know they too have walked your path. I am encouraged to know that others walk this line too as they walk through grief or divorce or loss of job because it means we are all human. To love a God who didn't heal the sick as we expected or to love a God who did not prevent a divorce or to love a God who did not prevent job loss astounds some people. But see when Job's wife told him he should Curse God and die he replied in verse 10: But Job replied, "You talk a foolish woman. Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?" So in all this, Job said nothing wrong. God is a God of love but sometimes he puts things in our paths, hurdles to cross so it will glorify Him in the end and help us grow as individuals.

Dear God, Help me to put the past to rest and walk each day in forgiveness and continue to bless those around me with discernment for the situations they are facing today to your promise will hold true because your word says in Matthew 6:33 "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."

What time is it?

2009-10-27T11:18:00.004-05:00

Embracing the winds of change are not always easy. Sometimes it is easier to stay in the rut we are in then to step out into the change that will make us grow. It has been beautiful the last few weeks as we drive back and forth to our church home in Nashville. It is lovely to see how the trees are starting to change and to see the occasional small tornados of leaves as wind hits the trees just right. It seems like everywhere I look and everywhere I read people are talking about fall and winter which although beautiful in their own way are also wet, cold, bare and dark. But these wet,cold,bare and dark days are what makes us enjoy spring all the more.

I think our life is like that. When we see a new job opportunity or lose a job, when we get married or become single, when we graduate or start school, when we move away from our family; these kinds of events are so changing to us. Some are exciting changes, some are scarey, some are lonely, but all these changes make us grow.

Pastor preached about the process of sowing and reaping on Sunday and how the seeds we plant in our life will be the harvest we face whether that be good seeds or bad seeds. Trust me, I've had my share of both seed sowing and the good seed is definitely better than the bad seed. The scripture also comes to mind from Ecclesiastes 3:1-9

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.

A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.

What is your season today? Is it time for you to turn away from what you are doing and move on? Is it time for you to embrace what you have and appreciate it? Is it time for you to tear down the walls you put around you? Is is time for you to be quiet and seek the face of God for your future? Is it time for you to speak up for yourself? Is it time for you to grieve for the what if's in your life and rejoice in the good memories that are mingled in that grief? Is it time for you to heal your heart or your mind today?

There is a time for something in your life and when the winds of change blow your way don't second guess or debate or throw a temper tantrum because winter has come in your life in a cold and barren way because after the winter has passed, spring will come and bring with it the joys and the renewals that life always does. Just pray God shows you what 'time' it is for your life and then run with it, because no matter what, you will learn something from your 'time'.

The Plans I Have For You

2009-10-17T10:19:00.004-05:00

Flashes come to me this morning. Snapshots of my life that I never really understood.

There is the me I dont even remember. The me who lost her mother to the hands of a murderer when I was not quite two years old. The me who was embroiled in a custody fight that my grandparents eventually won. The me who never remembers her mother's face and did not have a relationship with her father until she was 10 years old.

The young six year old that hoped against hope that I could make it outside to play before before my grandfather wanted to 'play' with me himself. Dreading seeing the chain going on the door knowing I was on the wrong side of it yet again.

The teenage me rebelling and wanting someone to love me because I never felt worthy after the abuse that occured in my younger years, the despair of knowing that my grandmother chose to stay with him after she found out about the abuse only increased the thought that I was not enough. Wondering and wondering why if I prayed hard on Sunday and went to church every Wednesday night then why did I still fill so empty most of the time.

Being a newleywed and fighting over nothing but knowing deep inside that it was about control. The knowing that NO ONE would ever control me again. NO ONE would put the chain on my door and leave me on the wrong side of it. Developing a seed of bitterness against each other that became an environment of animosity and failure.

Feeling crushed, and again, not enough to find my spouse had not only been unfaithful, but with one of my best friends. Why on earth was Shelly not enough? Why on earth would I worship a God who could not fix my pain.

The descent into a darkness I never knew existed. Trying to find love in a marriage relationship that was doomed because all the parties have to want it for it to be successful. The anger toward God for 'not fixing' me or my husband to make us have our happy ever after. Was this God worth serving? I had wasted 1/2 my life with a man who would not love me and loved a God who would not fix it. So, I walked away from God for some time.

As I found my way back to Jesus, the confusion would still hit me from time to time. Why had I and others endured such heartache. What good came from it? When would I find my happiness? As my relationship with God grew, I found that a real relationship with Him ends the emptiness. He was a real God who really loves us. He doesn't always answer our way but one day, we will understand the whys.

I now look back with understanding because of this scripture:

Jeremiah 29:11-14 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

Now I am going to read this another way; a way my cousin Nichole did a blog the other day. This has changed my life, seriously. Put your name where the you's are

Jeremiah 29:11-14 "For I know the plans I have for Shelly," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper Shelly and not to harm shelly, plans to give Shelly hope and a future. Then Shelly will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to Shelly. Shelly will seek me and find me when Shelly seek me with all her heart. I will be found by Shelly," declares the LORD, "and will bring Shelly back from captivity. I will gather Shelly from all the nations and places where I have banished Shelly," declares the LORD, "and will bring Shelly back to the place from which I carried her into exile."

See, I have been in the place without a hope or a future. I have been banished and exiled before but the Lord has brought me back. He has given ME a hope and a future. He has allowed me to marry my best friend. He has given me a church family and pastor that is truly home. He has put friend in my life that I know I cannot do without. He has used my pain to help other people.

So as we go through things, and we will, we always will in this life. Cling this scripture. Know that weeping may endure for a night, but JOY will come in the morning because God has a plan for each of us. The beautiful thing about this scripture is that it is not just for Shelly. It is for Stephanie, it is for Nichole, it is for Lisa, it is for Brandi, it is for Jina, it is for Brittany, it is for Brad, it is for Pastor and Sis. Livingston, it is for Breanna, it is for Jason, it is for Robbie, it is for Tina, it is for Candy, it is for Dawn, it is for Joseph, it is for YOU

Put your name in the scripture and wear it when you face adversity and struggle.

in love,

Shelly

Entertaining Angels. . .

2009-10-05T08:43:00.001-05:00

Chicago has been amazing so far. Just watching the faces of our kids as they experience this city has been worth the whole trip already. Saturday after we arrived and got settled we went to Ed Debevic's and for those who have never been, it is a 50's style diner where the waiters are rude to you on purpose. It was a hoot, the kids had a blast and my mom just laughed and laughed.

Sunday morning we walked over to Palmer House and picked up our Go Cards so we could get in the museums and what not. Then we hit the grey line open air trolley for a tour and got off at Michigan Ave so we could eat at Giordanos Pizza and do some window shopping on the Million Dollar Mile. We were talking and lauging as we entered the Pizza place. Emily and Cait were getting on my moms nerves so she separated them as Brad and I went up to pre-order our Pizza. Logan and Lacee were taking pictures of everyone and Brad and I were updating my phone. Everything was normal for Team Deason.

All the kids and my mom were sitting on a ledge at the window and Brad and I were standing. Out of nowhere, Brad told Logan he needed to sit down so Logan scooted out of the way and Brad sat down. Immediately I asked him what was wrong and almost instantly he was just about incoherrent. At the same exact time, they called us to our table. I told mom and the kids to go ahead to the table and we would be there in a second. Brad tend to have low blood pressure sometimes and it always passes in a few minutes so I was sure he would steady himself and we would be right up.

Things did not go up from there. Brad became unresponsive and I could barely get him to focus on talking to me. I started to panic for a second, my thoughts ran from I need to call our pastor to what am I gonna do in the middle of chicago to please dont completely pass out because I am not sure I can hold you up to oh, Jesus I cannot do this. Collected, I got out my phone and called Cait back down to where we were. I asked her to go to the counter and get Brad some Orange Juice and seeing my face and seeing Brad she went right away. Normally, she hates approaching people and asking for anything but she jumped right in for that one.

On my left, I noticed a lady sitting on the ledge my mom had been at just minutes ago. I never saw her come up and she said you need to call an ambulance. I said, no he has low blood pressure sometimes and I think he just needs a minute and something to drink. She looked at me so serious and said, don't take chances with your husband. I reiterated how since Brad's surgery he tends to get light headed sometimes and he would be fine. She said, I lost my husband 3 months ago, you need to call someone.
I looked at Cait and said, call and ambulance. She went to the counter and had them call.

As Brad went from normal countenance to white to ashy to greenish gray, my mind was just blank. All I could do was ask him to talk to me and he was not responding to me hardly at all. The lady said, Brad you have to stay with her, you have to stay with her. I thought, how does the lady know his name? It struck me as odd because I had not said Brads name. Then a man approached and asked medical questions and I asked him if he was a doctor and he told me no but he had medical training. He started to take Brad's pulse but could not find it so he called over a friend who was a nurse as the waiter brought the orange juice over. By that time, I could barely get brad to drink the juice but I got enough in him for it to start to work. The nurse had a hard time finding the pulse either and as the nurse and his friend worked on him, I talked with the lady. She was amaziningly calm and she just kept saying, dont' take chances with your family and I told her that I would not.

The paramedics arrived and by that time Brad was responsive but still having tingling in his hands and as they came in I looked for the lady and she was gone. I looked all over and could not find her. Brad went to the ambulance with the crew to be looked over and I went and updated my mom and the kids and let them know he would be fine but was getting checked out. I continued to look for the lady and never saw her again. It crossed my mind that maybe she was an angel, but I dismissed the thought. Then when Brad and I talked, I knew that I was wrong.

His memory of the lady was quite different than mine. He remembered her reaching toward him and saying stay with us baby, stay with us. He remembered seeing her shoes but she never stood beside him, she never even was close enough to touch him. Whether she was a human angel or one that God sent to us we are thankful.

Thankful that my husband is fine. We just have to keep juice and some snacks for him to eat every two hours like he does at home/work. Thankful that I kept my calm through the situation. Thankful that they called our table so four kids and my mom were not there to go through that experience. Thankful that no matter what, I know I will not take chances with my family. Love your kids and your moms and your husbands. Hold them tighter every time you get a chance. Don't take anything for granted. Live life to the fullest, start right now.

Shell

Nothing Shall Separate Us. . .

2009-09-17T23:40:00.003-05:00

Romans 8:38 & 39 Says ~For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. ...

This scripture burned into my mind today and I started to think back on the last year and what God has done and what He continues to do. I think of the way the devil has tried to not only separate us from the love of God but also from each other. I think back to conversations spoken and where someone either spoke or implied things to try to make me doubt myself, my husband, my faith and my God. I am so thankful that the love of God which is in Christ would not allow that to happen. God sees our hearts and knows when to put that hedge of protection around us and knows when it is something we can handle ourselves. He always steps in when necessary; just not always as quickly or in the manner we would prefer.

I always find it interesting when some people speak of 'once saved, always saved' to imply that once we are serving Jesus we can never be in danger with our souls. I find it funny that those same people will say of someone who was saved and then turned from the Lord, if they ever knew the Lord they would not have turned away. I find this all to be so untrue. Sometimes we get tired or bitter or just plain stupid for a while and turn from Jesus. As this scripture says, nothing can separate us from the love of God but it never said we couldn't separate ourselves.

The reason God created us was for us to have a choice; if that choice is to not serve Him, then His choice is to not let us in Heaven. The Bible says it rains on the just and the unjust and sometimes we that believe think that is unfair. We have to keep ourselves in check and make sure we dont' separate ourselves from God because no matter how dark the night, or how hurtful the situation, God has a plan and He has a reason for what we are going through.

I love what the message says for Romans 8:38&39 ~ None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing - nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable-absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

Let's determine in our hearts that nothing separate us. . If you have a situation that was rough but you came out the other side and saw that God knew what was best, please feel free to share it. What you have to say may really touch someone's heart.

Feels Like Home

2009-09-07T18:38:00.002-05:00

Man our weekend away was wonderful. We packed so much into those 2.5 days we felt we had been gone for a week. We laughed, cried, got lost (multiple times), enjoyed a God-Centered wedding, met new friends, shopped for Drums, made out good at the Goodwill, decorated wedding cakes and cupcakes, met with a pastor friend for some guidance on our future, went to the Eklipse yard sale (was accosted by Devon and King and sold a fountain that does not work), pulled over by the police (for not wearing seat belts) and just all around enjoyed ourselves. Believe it or not, I did not take one picture.

Upon our Saturday evening homecoming we were greeted by our four kiddos, human and canine with great happiness. Except for our smallest human, who was sound asleep.

Sunday we arrived at Point of Mercy about 5 minutes late because we were pulled over before we left Hoptown for, guess what, not having out seat belts on. . .we were again overwhelmed by the welcoming spirit of the congregation, the annointed singing and a really timely and God-sent message by Bro Livingston. With all the confusion of the past six months it was just nice to feel like we were home. Walking in Point of Mercy on Sunday morning was much like coming home on Saturday night, less the canines.

We continue to seek God's face to make sure we are landing in the right place but it already says so much when it already feels like home. For all of you who have been following our journey and have lifted us up, thank you. I know it wont' be long until our footing is sure again because God has shown us that He is taking care of our situations, spiritually, physically and financially.

The Light in Your Eyes

2009-09-03T22:34:00.002-05:00

Do you ever look into your husbands eyes and see him like it is the very first time you knew? That you knew he was your soul mate? That he was your best friend forever and ever?

Today we left home after work on a mini-vacay. . Just down the road in Nashville our friends are getting married on Saturday. We are doing their wedding cakes as a gift so the kids and puppies are squared away at home and we have left for some Brad & Shelly time. Our time is going to be filled with friends and laughter and wedding plans but we are also carving out Brad & Shelly time.

Finding love is just part of the marriage equation. Keeping love is another thing all together. There is nothing that makes me happier than to look at my husband and to see that light in his eyes, to hear him say I Love You without saying a word. It is those moments when I know I am the most blessed woman in this world. To be loved wholey and completely just because I am me overwhelms me.

This makes me think about the fact that God loves me more than Brad ever could; God loves me with the love of a father, a husband, a friend, a confidant and so many other ways. I can't wait to get to heaven and look at his face, to see the light in his eyes when he sees me and that I made it home safe. I pray that daily I grow more like Him so that others can see it and they can make a decision to follow Jesus too so that one day they too can see the light in his eyes.

Just Wait Til' Next Month

2009-08-31T20:08:00.002-05:00

Those words are a mantra at the Deasons. Seems whether it is money, health, family situations, etc; we are always waiting til next month for things to be better, for things to 'turn around'.

Next month must be here now, and being I am not the superstitious type and that I let the Lord lead me in my life to the best of my ability; I can honestly say that God has laid it on my heart that this is our time. This new season we are entering starting right now is a season of growth and a season of blessing. This season is one of stability and faith and reconnection with who we are in Christ. This season that we are entering into will be one where we are blessed coming in and going out. This season the Lord will restore what the Locusts have stolen from us.

The Word of God teaches us to pray the scripture over our lives. Isaiah 40:28-31 is so beautiful: "Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the Lord, The Creator of the ends of the earth, Neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the weak, And to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, And the young men shall utterly fall, But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint."

When you really think about these words over our lives, have we not known, have we not heard? Do we not realize how BIG our God is compared to everything else in this world? He created EVERYTHING and he knows our todays and tomorrows and as long as we wait on him, we will be as the eagles, soaring where He wants us to be, running through this life with faith and mercy by our sides.

I am so excited for who He is and what He is doing in my life and what He is going to do through our family. God is opening doors that no man can shut and our path is being made clearer by the moment. So if this is just the beginning. . . Just wait til' next month.

Reflections

2009-08-17T15:54:00.004-05:00

I was so moved today by an artist I have never heard of. The song is "Painting Pictures of Egypt" by Sara Groves. She has a unique storytelling approach to her songs and the sincerity of the lyrics ring true. I will be listening to more of this for sure.

As I just celebrated my birthday, it made me reflective of where I have been and where I am going. It is amazing what we outgrow and change to as the Lord continues to mold and shape us; it is amazing that until we stop and reflect we don't even see the differences in who we are.

I am so thankful that God lets us grow and evolve in His time instead of ours and that His agendas are not human to hurt or cause confusion. God's timing in all things is perfect.

Today I have an amazing thankfulness swelling inside me that He chose me to be His child. Somedays I think I take that for granted. I take for granted that I have Him as my guide. I take for granted that through all the past mistakes, failures and hurts He carried me down this path for this season so that I could be a better light for him.

Thank you Lord for who you are and thank you that while we remember our Egypt's; we don't ever have to go back to them

It's Just Weeds

2009-08-03T17:26:00.005-05:00

I've talked about my backyard lately, how I want God to help me love this community that He has called us to be a light in. I have talked about the negatives I see all around this yard. Maybe the big problem is that the only thing I am seeing is the weeds and not the beauty around or below the weeds. I see every crack in the concrete that has scraggily grass trying to weasle it's way through the hard ground and rock to make it's way to the light.

Maybe the problem with this city is the weeds try to get bigger and bigger because they are growing in effort to find the light. Maybe the people here just want to find the light and they don't know how to act without it. So then are the weeds the problem or is it me? Is is my perception that I want to live in a wonderful community of fellow believers but am unwilling to pull the weeds toward the light? Well, now, that's just crazy. If I want to see the weeds to give way to beautiful growth I have to let them see the light. I have to be the light that Jesus wants me to be.

Brad preached an awesome sermon yesterday about sin and my favorite part was that sin astranges us from God. What astranges us from God more than not following His word that teaches me to love my neighbor as myself? I absolutely don't love my neighbor as myself and I know it. I pray that God helps me grow in this area. How can I love my neighbors as myself and I don't even know their names. I've never walked up and down the street and introduced myself or invited them to our bible study. How is that being a light to the world? I have a lot to learn about evangelism and love, don't I?

Yesterday we were going to lunch and we saw 4-5 very small children sitting on a street curb. In my mind I flashed forward 10 years. Would these kids be in a gang or a youth group? Would they be ditching school or teaching others about God's word? So much of that relies on the decisions that their moms or dads will make in their immediate future. Those parents need a light to guide them so that as the weeds are removed their children can bask in the light.

I am going to strive this week to get into the word more and to lovingly pull the weeds around me to give way for the area to become beautified for His glory. Whether that be my neighbors weeds, my weeds or maybe an actual weed in my sidewalk(that part is the most unlikely but hey, you gotta have goals, right?) ~ I am going to make an effort to involve myself and to invite others to share what the Lord is doing. Maybe then I won't be just another weed taking up space shoving others out of the way as I head toward the light.

Blessings,

Shelly

Whew~

2009-07-27T13:44:00.003-05:00

That's all I can say today, is Whew. My mind is a whirlwind of thoughts and feelings and I thought just maybe if I could write for a bit I could sort it all out so for those faithful readers "here I am throwing up on paper"

Today I am thankful for my health and the health of my family. I awoke several times in the night with Jennifer and her sweet baby Stellan on my mind. Please pray for this baby as he has been airlifted to Boston this afternoon. There are days when my kids just get on my nerves but I am stopping today to be thankful for them and their arguments and their faults and their sweet sweet hearts.

Today I am overwhelmed with work. My business is taking an upward turn right at a time when I have virtually no help. When I get here in the mornings I feel like I am just treading water and hoping not to drown. I have a few people to interview this week and need someone who is a good fit for a growing business. I cant offer the world yet, so it is going to be hard to find that certain person but I know that He knows and will supply my needs.

Today I am tired of being fat. Today I am sad that my weight loss journey is at a stand still. I am sad that I don't feel like I am what I need to be physically. I need to get moving and I just am unmotivated to do so, I am so unmotivated to go to the gym or push back the cheetos or Dr. Pepper. So I guess on this front I am wallowing in self pity, so I guess I need a cookie ~ LOL

Today I am hopeful for the future. Financially, we are still squeaking by but we are in a better place than we have ever been. Sure we screw up, we buy junk we don't need or go out to eat too much. But we aren't eating at Mortons every night either. (although I wish we could go ...oops that is me lapsing back to being fatter) We are gaining our footing and that is a good thing.

Today I am proud. I am proud of my husband and the weight he has lost. I am proud that he is a man of integrity and truth. I am proud that as he walks closer to God, I can see him walk tall as the spiritual leader of our home and our church. There is a peace in knowing that your mate is there for you in every moment in life that cannot compare to anything else in a natural relationship. The covenant of a true God led marriage is a joy to be part of.

Today I am ready. I am ready for what God has in store for us, I am ready for tomorrow, I am ready to build this church in Hopkinsville to the glory of God. I am a willing vessel to all that God has for me and for my family and for the family of God that He is raising up in this day to make a difference.

Whew ~ I feel like I can breathe just a little bit now, thanks for allowing me to ramble.

Blessings

Shelly

My Own Backyard

2009-07-19T17:30:00.002-05:00

We went to Lowe's yesterday for a something to try and keep Hunter from jumping the fence and to keep Bailey from trying to go under it. Between the two of them, they are determined to find a way out. I, apparently, am a lot like my dogs. I have been convincing myself that this backyard is too small, that this town's mindset is just too narrow, that God has put our heart in Clarksville to make a difference in that city and to get out of this one. This city where it seems there are more bad neighborhoods than good anymore. This city where education is lacking in our high schools and teenage pregnancy is rampant. But this is not the city God wants us to affect for Jesus, right? He wants us in Clarksville, that is where our hearts and ministry has focused for almost three years.

As we have began the journey with forming Bethesda House we have coupled with a wonderful family, Dewey & Rebecca Edwards and we have been having Bible Studies in Hopkinsville and Clarksville for some weeks now. Our first nudge came from a conversation with Dewey as he said he really saw us ministering to the city of Hopkinsville. Surely I misheard him, or he misspoke because Clarksville is our destination. With great confusing Brad and I talked about it and thought that is crazy, we are Clarksville bound. Then three days later Brad was speaking with a prayer warrior friend of ours and she said that she would help us as we started in Clarksville (where she lives) but she knows our ultimate ministry is in Hopkinsville. Okay, God, are you trying to tell us something? Are we listening? Probably not. . .so I guess He has to say it over and over again. Talking to my friend Becky she laughed and said, Don't be like Jonah and get swallowed by a whale, and we joked about that for a bit.

Brad and I were like what is up with this and then in the past week we have had people we know from Hopkinsville start popping back in our lives for no apparent reason; but we know by now that's not true. God always has a reason. So today, the last Sunday before we officially launch Bethesda Ministries we go visit a local church. The Pastors Message: "When the pivotal places in your ministry happen, what do you do?" Do you respond by 1. Fear 2. Fleeing 3. Hiding 4.Negativity or 5. Faith ~ As he spoke about Jonah I was amazed that Jonah felt pretty much about Nineveh as we have felt about Hopkinsville. We hate it here; it really has nothing to offer as far as family entertainment and there is more bad than good. So God knows we hate it here and it is still His plan for us to be a light to this city. It is still His plan for us to reach out to a place we aren't quite sold on. God give us a love for this place that you have destined us to be.

When we were at Lowes we decided the best thing for the back yard would be a privacy fence. Hunter can't jump over it and Bailey and go under it. It will hide our dogs from the dogs in the 5 backyards that butt against our one yard. It will let us look out our back deck and pretend for a few hours that we love 'our backyard'. So we have given our backyard to the Lord and have surrendered to His will and will start walking in the direction of winning souls in this city. Hopefully now, we can heal our scratches from trying to jump this fence and get the dirt off our noses where we have been trying to dig our way out. Let us be a light to those around us so that God may be lifted up.

Blessings,

Shelly

Lean Not

2009-06-22T09:38:00.000-05:00

Why is it so hard for us to believe what God says? I think that we because of this world we live in we say with our mouth that we believe, we say with our mouth that God can do anything, but alot of times it's just lip service. We don't let Him bring the wholeness and healing that can only come from Him.

I have spent the last week mostly sad, sometimes angry at my current situation. What are we doing? Where are we going? When is God going to show us what to do? I want answers as quickly as the questions hit my frontal lobe. I am a right now kind of girl, God should know that, right? He created me and since it is my nature to be inpatient, He should respond in kind, shouldn't He?

My problem is that I want to understand the hows and the whys of what is going on in my life and to be honest, there really are not answers to a lot of the whys and hows right now. God has shown clearly over the last year in my life that his timing is perfect, even though I don't usually see it until I am well past the situation.

My friend and I were talking yesterday and some of our words were "I just want to know where to go" "I just want to know what to do" "I know that God has a plan but I wish I was in on it" God gave me a scripture this morning that flooded my heart with peace.

Proverbs 3: 5-6 says: "Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." (King James Version)

"Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track. (The Message Version)

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take." (New Living Translation)

See, God knows I don't understand every circumstance in my life. He made me that way on purpose so that I can "lean not on myself"; there fore I will lean on Him. Do I think that bad situations and circumstances are put on us by God, not always.

Our live are alot like those mystery books I used to read as a kid. You know the ones with the options? You would read four or five pages and then at the bottom of the page it would say "If Timmy should enter the cave and chase the burglar go to page 47, If Timmy should turn around and find out where the cave ends go to page 63". God has a plan and a path and and ending that He desires for our lives, but we make the decisions so sometimes it take much longer to get to page 63 than it should. Sometimes we want to explore the cave and thus we fall into a trap or a hole that then causes us to 'lean' on Him.

What would we pick in our books today. Would we go the long path and see the 'sights' and fall in the holes or would we run to the end to where God wants us to be? Honesty, I would go the long path because for me, in my life, that is how I grow. If God made me who he wanted to be, completely and wholly today, would I really value what He had done in my life? I would hope so but I do know that through the storms of this life, it has brought me to a leaning place where I know He is my strength and my rock and my salvation. So today, I am going to lean on God and learn that He is directing my path in His time on His terms.

Blessings,

Shelly

Rug Burn ~

2009-06-15T17:44:00.004-05:00

God is funny sometimes, He really must have a great sense of humor that I just don't get sometimes. He lets us believe the fantasies we build for ourselves and just when we are feeling really confident about those; the rug is pulled. Today it is hard to be thankful for the rug burn.

Brad & I have felt so prayed for and so lifted up through this truly hurtful time in our lives that we have almost become 'immune' to the fact that we have been so emotionally hurt and violated and used. Yesterday brought that immunity to a crashing HALT. We went to visit a church in Nashville with some friends. The church had most of the boxes checked on what we want in a 'new church home'.

Friendliness ~ Check
Non Judgemental ~ Check
Lively and Annointed Music ~ Check
Timely Message for our Hearts ~ Check
Close to Home ~ not so much check (it was an hour away)
People we know ~ Check
Strong Teen Ministry ~ Check

So what was wrong with the church, nothing, it was us. The message from Nehemiah 1:3 was like a bullet to the heart. It spoke directly to the hurt we have felt over the last 6 weeks and let us know that God knows where we are and that we are hurt and that he wants to heal our minds and our hearts. It talked about although the Isrealites had been released from the captivity of Egypt their minds and hearts were damaged and that caused them to be unable to repair the walls of the city or rebuild the gates.

It made me realize that we have just been in shock for the most part the last month or so. We have walked around with our hands and feet free but our minds and hearts are still hurt so much ~ and that is kinda crappy. In fact, it's alot crappy. I think I have not let myself feel the anger of the betrayal very much because I was concentrating on helping others who were hurt. I have seen my husband bury his emotions because that is easier than facing our hurts. I know that God wants us to go THROUGH this and not pretend that we are living in this rosy world of "all is well" and "we are fine" because today, we are not. We are tired, we are sad, we are on the floor with 'rug burn' on our faces and on our knees and elbows and on our hearts.

As a victim of a "white collar crime" I am coming to the realization that the violations that we encountered feel alot like being abused as a child. You feel unsafe at every moment and you trust no one. Until this person was put into jail I did not feel safe. I had to check my email every five minutes and my website for my office just as often. I spent hours in my workday going over every electronic device i have checking for bugs and keyloggers. My business suffered from my lack of 'really being at work'. Oh, I was here, but I was either talking to detectives, gathering evidence, copying files, not really working. I used to think that it was silly to worry when someone hacked your computer but until it happens to you, you have NO IDEA the magnitude it impacts your life.

As we take the steps toward healing, we get pulled back because the next arraingment or pre-trial hearing, or phone call reminds us where we are trying to move away from. Every phone call of, "hey what's the news?" makes me more tired. A story told too often becomes a tale of woe and now we are just tired and with the trial still months away, I know that it wont stop anytime soon. So how do we do that, how do we heal and move ahead and still have to be bogged down from the past. I have had to bog others down that have been hurt by this same individual and have tried to move past as well. I have had to reach out to these folks because only they know the pain and the anger and the frustration that come with this kind of betrayal.

Please continue to pray for us as we go through this journey ~ because I am going to serve notice on anyone and anything that thinks that this will beat us, IT WON'T ~ because He who holds our broken hearts and our hurt minds knows He is walking with us and when we have a day like today and we are just 'over it' ~ He will see us through to another day and when the 'rug burn' is stinging He will help it scab over and soon we will forget we were flat on our face crying into the rug. We will pick each other up and brush each others knees off and wipe tears of each others face and turn and limp into another day because we are a team ~ teamdeason has seen some bad days and some good days and the good outweigh the bad.

I once had a friend who had a tattoo that said simply W>L ~ our wins are greater than our losses. Our blessings are more than our trials. Our love is more than the hurt we feel today. It is just a little rug burn.

What if. . .

2009-06-03T12:06:00.002-05:00

What if things turn out the way we always want. . . . we could never appreciate it.
What if things always went wrong. . . . . We could never have hope
What if our dreams are just in front of us . . . . and we never took the steps.
What if life was passing us by. . . . and we were too busy to notice.

The what if's have plagued me lately. What if I had noticed more? What if I had asked more questions? What if I had demanded to get to the bottom of things? What if I had not waited so long?

When my mind starts going there I have to turn to the word of the Lord. Proverbs 16:9 tells us "We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps." My plan was to grow a church, to reach a city for Jesus; I shut a blind eye to the destructive spirits that were surrounding me, making excuses because I was not soul searching each aspect of my life. So, I could not notice more until I prayed more. I didn't pray more because I was comfortable. I didn't ask questions because maybe I was starting to see the answers already ~ God had to put a burr in my boot so to speak. He had to make me uncomfortable, he had to make see start to see my surroundings for what they were. Then and only then, did I start talking seriously to God about the things that should have been a priority from the start.

I have to realize that God knows my heart and my mind and He had to get me to place of readiness. A place where I didn't care if there was egg on my face and and a place where I would stand for what is right, no matter the cost. I told Brad just Saturday, we are rebuilding our lives, we based all of our friendships and activities around our best friends who we considered family. Now that we know the truth and have walked away, we had successfully made ourselves friendless. But we are okay with that, we are building a new circle of friends (some old ones we've renewed and some new altogether). But we had to be at a place where God got us ready for that. We all have a place of readiness and we all have a section of What if's that run through our mind.

Brad taught an awesome lesson about Darkness and Light this past Sunday and this scripture really lifted my spirits:

Psalm 126:

1. When the Lord brought his exiles back to Jerusalem, it was like a dream!
2. We were filled with laughter, and we sang for joy. And the other nations said, "What amazing things the Lord has done for them."
3. Yes the Lord has done amazing things fr us! What a joy!
4. Restore our fortunes, Lord, as streams renewed in the desert.
5.Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy.
6. They will weep as they go to plant their seed, but they sing as they return with the harvest.

We have wept as we've began to plant a new life for ourselves but we know that joy is coming with the harvest. We have cried for the friends we have lost; but rejoice in the new ones to come. We have regret that things never could have been different, but we are excited about the future.

"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning" Psalms 30:5

So for today, what if we lived like it was our last day and we approached each situation and each person as such? What if we loved unconditionally? What if we prayed without ceasing? What if we let the light of Christ shine through us? Those are the What if's I am going to try and concentrate on today, how about you?

Joyfully,

Shelly

Even when I'm unsure. . He is here

2009-05-27T08:20:00.004-05:00

Today I am unsure. There are so many things on the horizon and so many choices to make and so much to do with work and with family and with church. Is this the right time for this? Is this the right time for that? Are we moving too quickly in this direction? Should we stay still here for a while? I have battled doing a blog for days because with this too I've been without direction. When all else fails, read the instructions, right?

Well the instruction manual says in Psalm 46:10 "be still and know that I am God" I always thought this meant to keep in one place, to wait on the Lord so I did some interwebs research today and found:

The word still is the hebrew word raphah,(raw-feh); a prim root ; to slacken, fail l(be) faint, be (wax) feeble, abate ,forsake, idle. (be) weak, cease.

slacken-lacking diligence, to become less energetic, not under any tension.

abate- to reduce, to do away with, to grow less.

feeble-lacking in energy or strength, weak lacking in character or intelligence, lacking in effectiveness, unclear.

So this scripture could say ~...Be weak and know that I am God,or Be without strength and know that I am God. How can that be okay with God? For us to be weak, for us to need to lean on Him for so much? Because the Bible also says that "His strength is made perfect in our weakness". Through our weakness and humanity He can show through us ~ so to be still, to be weak, to be in need of a Huge God who loves us so much, that is what He wants! Wow, I guess today I am right where he wants me..LOL.

What comforts me in this moment is that it is okay to be unsure. It is okay to be weak. It is okay to lean on God and let Him lead us down the path of His choosing.

Blessings

Shelly

Who Am I?

2009-05-18T22:58:00.005-05:00

Who I am that a King would bleed and die for me? Who am I that He would climb Mount Calvary?

Those lyrics keep running through my head. I think since we stepped into the calling of God to build a church for His glory that I think, why us? How are we worthy of this job? But I think that if God had a job description for soul winners it would go like this:

Help Wanted:

Heaven needs someone who loves people and isn't afraid to get their hands dirty. Someone who will lend an ear, a helping hand or an uplifting prayer for their fellow man. This job does require life experience and the ability to utilize your past to help others in the future. Please apply by talking to God daily and letting Him guide your steps. Only serious God Chasers need apply.

When I think of all my past hurts (even recent ones) I am honored. I am honored that God has put Brad & I in a place where we can understand the hurts of people who are living life the best they can and just need a better road map. I am honored that the things we have endured almost feel like they were tests we were passing along the way so that we could be the principals of this 'special school'. This school helps people who have failed miserably, who have been hurt physically and emotionally, people who have hit bottom and are coming back up or still just hovering right above the ground, and people who do not know where to turn.

Now that we have moved past the hurts of separation from our old church, it is time to start reaching the people that no one has ever even considered. It is time to be the church. It is time for Bethesda House to open: the house where healing begins and where hope abounds.

Who am I? I am a child of God and He delights in my happiness. I am a woman who loves with all she is and all she has. I am a wife who follows her husband and he follows Christ. I am me, and for God, that's enough.

Blessings,

Shelly

Annibirthary ~ I love that Matt Caudill

2009-05-13T10:18:00.010-05:00

Today is two fold in the Deason House ~ today is Brad's 43rd birthday and it is our 3rd anniversary. Our friend Matt Caudill has deemed this an Annibirthary ~ which I love.

Brad Deason is not only my best friend, he is a man after God's heart so he definitely has mine. The crazy things we have been through and done and endured through the five years we have known each other seem like a lifetime of memories. Three years ago today we officially started our journey as husband and wife. Wow ~ what a great life we have.

I heard this joke about an officer who stopped a speeding driver. He told her, "I've been waiting for you all day" and her reply was "Officer, I got here as quick as I could". . . It may have taken us the first thirty years of my life for these soulmates that God created for each other, but I got there as fast as I could. It was well worth the wait.

I walked down the aisle three years ago to my husband reading this poem that I want to share with you all ( i wanted to put it on here with the music but I am uncapable of that; anyone who could help me out music wise and I will post it):

I always knew you would find me,
no clock needed to remind me that it would happen,
I planned on it, worked it out, hid in plain sight every day.
Knowing you would pass, that way or this;
come along, Go by, pausing, moving to here or somewhere
It did not matter, you would arrive

It kept the heart alive and thriving in the clatter of times traveled
To know you would turn and see me, and not turn away.
You Here, or Coming, Unraveling the Puzzle,
Kept me whole and safe and traveling toward this day.

When evenings, like forever, started fleeting; going fast;
I could see you in some distance, disappearing in the midst.
In the mass of fondled faces, one amasses in a lifetime;
Yours was there, just out of grasp.

As you fluttered in my future, fled throughout my life-longs past,
I expected every spring to bring you to my arms, to my side.
When autumn started coming; thick and firm and fast,
I never once gave up believing you would come with winters passing.
You would be here as the moon fell.

As the sun rose, we would clasp hands at first,
then bodies closing up that awful gap that life without a life-long
partners leaves between noon and the night line.

Did I falter in my faith? Once or twice perhaps,
But never long enough to leave you in a dream that wasn't mine.
Because I always knew you would find me.

I was blessed with growing knowledge.
Something whispered:
Do not worry, it will happen, it's been planned.
Nothing here is happenstance, do not hurry
Do not pause to catch your breath, so it was I always knew.

Lessons learned, prizes earned; but not always given.
Paths I've paved; paths left unpaved.
The rest of what I have to offer,
the little things this life's amassed.
For you, for you , It was for you:
I saved the best for last!

We had a wonderful anniversary and spent some time alone and also with the whole Deason clan and ended the day with a lovely meal at our favorite restaurant. It has been a great three years and our love and our friendship seems to get better every single day. My wish is that everyone who is not married, find your best friend to share your life with and if you are already married, make you husband or wife your best friend. There is nothing like it in this world.

Brad, Happy Annibirthary baby!

Shell

Catching up. . .

2009-05-13T09:50:00.003-05:00

I have wanted to get on here and just catch up with my own thoughts. We have so much going on that it is overwhelming sometimes. God continues to give us strength through the storm and we are so thankful. I have to let everyone know what has been going on.

We were part of a start up ministry since fall of 2006. For almost three years, we poured our hearts and our souls into trying to build something for Jesus. We poured our time and effort into a pastor and his family to be a support unit to them. This Pastor has such charisma and charm and when annointed by the Lord, it is amazing how lives are touched. We were just honored that God had led us to be part of the work of God that we knew was going to happen.

As time passed, Pastors flaws became apparent, but hey, we are all flawed people and God loves us just as we are as long as we are striving to be more like Him every day. I equated my Pastor to David of the Old Testament, flawed but loving God, mistakes abounded but the repentance did too. This was enough for my family to stay even when literally hundreds of people came in and out the doors never to return. Our hearts were confused on why these folks didn't have enough strength or perseverance to stay and see it through. Little did we know that God would use this as a tool to show us the truth when the time was right.

Around six months ago, God started tapping on my hearts door and letting me know that we would break away from this ministry and begin our own work for the Lord at some point. I think this is God's love shown forth because if I had not started to break away emotionally all those months ago, I would be so hurt by the last few weeks that I would not be able to function. It is God's divine grace that has sustained us through it all.

Two months ago, my husband told me, God is telling me we need to stay here. "We are staying here and supporting Pastor and his family until God makes it clear that this door is shut and that another door is opened." In loving (okay sometimes not so loving) submission, I waited on God and my husband to confer about the appropriate time-line. God's time is not always our time, but He is always right on time.

Three weeks ago this Friday, the poo hit the fan, so to speak. It seemed like out of the woodwork people began to tell us things that hurt our heart so badly that I would not put them on a blog for anyone to read. Our Pastor had basically said untrue things about myself and my family and that was our final straw. That was the door shutting in our face and though it hurt like you know what, it was a relief of sorts. I was so spiritually tired of trying to be a help to a ministry that was built on falsehoods and I was so relieved that I could breathe again. It seems like it had been six months since I took a really deep breath.

So much has been unearthed in the past few weeks, our email accounts have been attacked and compromised and our facebooks hacked and mine even deleted. Even my work email has been violated. The vile and hateful attacks of the enemy during this time have not dampened our faith, have only strengthened our resolve to move forward for Jesus. I said sometime ago that people hurt people, not God or Churches.

There are only about three families left at my old Pastors church and I pray for them everyday, that they will have the strength and that they will hear the still small voice of God when he shuts the doors for their families. I remember when families would leave and they would say to us, you need to leave, this is not where you need to be and we would say, this is where God wants us to be. And that was true - for the time we were there, God wanted us there, whether it was to expose the enemy for who he was or just to learn how to be better when our leadership time comes, whatever it was, it was God teaching us something to use in the future.

I miss my Pastor and his wife, or at the least the people I thought they were. Today is mine and Brad's third wedding anniversary. My pastor married us, that was one of the most awesome days of our lives and they were there, front and center, sharing that with them. It is my prayer that this family really find where things went wrong and get back on the path God wants them on . It is my prayer that everything comes to light so that their true healing and redemption can begin. Someone once told my pastor that to be truly used of God, you truly have to be broken before him. I sincerely hope that this is how he views this time, that he finds where God's direction should be leading him and his family. Most of you don't know this family, but they need your prayers. While we are hurting, we do have others around us lifting us up, we have a body of believers who are standing united together. This family does not have a strong support system and greatly need prayer. Please pray for them because if through this, they can come to repentance, that is the heartbeat of God.

I know this is quite lengthly but it has been in my head and heart, a jumble of emotions and prayers. We are thankful that as we start our new work as a body of believers who broke away, we had 45 people at our service last Sunday for mothers day. I am thankful that people are choosing forgiveness over bitterness. I am thankful to be a part of the Kingdom of God that refuses to let human pain paralyze us spiritually.

Pray that God leads our church body as we pray about leadership and about board members. Pray that our focus at Bethesda will always be what Bethesda means (healing waters - house of grace). Pray that we get so much of Jesus in us as a body of believers that others are compelled to ask about the God within us. Brad taught on Sunday about how Mary birthed God ~ literally. He talked about how she was moved as God moved within her. That is my prayer for our church body. As God grows within us, help us to move where he moves. . . .

Blessings.

Shelly

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-10T15:18:00.001-05:00

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY ~ THE DEASONS
Brad, Shelly, Logan, Caitlin, Hunter & Bayleigh

TeamDeason's Living Room

2009-05-08T21:54:00.005-05:00

well, somehow my blog got messed up so here are the living room pics.
Our "D" welcomes you into the Living Room

The Wall of Crosses ~ Love These!

Cait's Artwork from Middle School

My moms antique table with our fam. picture and flowers i carried in our wedding.

We got this on our honeymoon ~ framed it at Hobby Lobby.

Wall of Crosses / Reading Nook ~ Baileigh in the floor

Our Great Big Comfy Couch

Our New Flatscreen & Some lovely Hobby Lobby Pictures

The inspiration piece for these rooms ~ the famous checked Chair. . .

Our family sand ceremony momentos

Picture as a wedding gift, over our wedding momento table

Just put one foot in front of the other ~

2009-05-08T16:28:00.003-05:00

That is the plan. Just put one foot in front of the other and walk in the direction that God leads. This is what our family has been doing and God is opening so many doors and we are already seeing so many people starting to have their hurts healed and their hearts full of the tenderness of God. As we left our old church, it was our greatest fear that people would begin to walk in bitterness because of the hurts we experienced there but we serve a gracious and good and mighty God who kept us there for such a time as this.

Ephesians 6: 11 - 18 says ~

¹¹Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

¹²For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

¹³Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

¹⁴Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;

¹⁵And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

¹⁶Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.

¹⁷And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:

¹⁸Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;

Verse 15 is near and dear to my heart because although we as a church, we as a united body of believers have walked through a bunch of junk to get to where we are now, our constant prayer is that our feet are shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace ~ peace that passes all understanding.

When God showed us it was time to go and to begin again a new work at Bethesda (meaning house of mercy, grace & abundance also meaning healing waters); we were in awe that this was His plan. It is truly our desire to see people faith in others restored and to live the life God had for us. Please pray for our family as we take on this new endeavor. We had 32 people at our first church service last Sunday and Brad taught on the healing power of God for our lives. We are thankful that God has surrounded us with mature loving Christians who are working and praying along side us in this endeavor.

Please pray that many come to know Jesus in the power of who He is. .

Blessings,

Shelly

16 Candles

2009-05-05T16:09:00.006-05:00

Caitlin ~ today the blog is all about you

Today marks a milestone in the life of my first born. Sixteen years ago today she brought into my life a love I never knew existed. The love of a mother and child. Thinking back through the years at how she has grown and matured and how she has turned into my 'mini-me' is bittersweet to say the least.

The once shy girl who would hide behind her mothers skirt when strangers said hello and peek around to smile with those big blue eyes is on the verge of becoming a woman. She has set goals for college and career and now that the big 16 has arrived ~ she can start dating. This seemed like a great age to allow that when she was ten years old. Not so much today ~ today I want to change the age to 18 ~ I want her to grow and want her to stay the same but we can't have that now can we.

On Sunday, we celebrated at El'Bracero Mexican restaurant with family and a few friends.
Here are a few pictures from the party:

I am thankful that God has given me such a great daughter: she is compassionate and kind to others (if you don't count Logan) and she has a true love for Jesus. She is not easily swayed by the people who surround her and she stands up for what she believes in. She is stubborn and hardheaded when she knows she is right (and sometimes even when she's wrong). She is beautiful and quirky and her smile lights up the room. She faces responsibilities without (much) complaining and does really well in school. What is not to like about that? Happy birthday baby girl ~ Mama Loves You~

What doesn't kill us. . .

2009-05-02T10:57:00.003-05:00

There are days when you wonder what in the world did I do to deserve what is going on? Ironically, or not so ironically, I just recently posted about the friction of rocks and how it ultimately smooths our lives. Well as much friction as we have had in the past seven days, we should be smooth as a baby's bottom after a good dose of Johnson & Johnson.

See, like I've said before, God knows the outcome ~ He knew where we would be last Friday, He knew I would be sitting here this morning wondering how to put into words what I am feeling without seeming discouraged (because I am very encouraged because I know I walk in the Favor Of God) without seeming petty (because sometimes hurt comes across as whiney), without being ugly (my flesh feels ugly but my spirit is just saddened by the actions of others) but while proclaiming that Jesus is Lord of my life and that I am still chasing God through all this junk.

Because this is a lesson for good ol' teamdeason. A lesson long time coming ~ we have learned we can't take our eyes off of God and we learn that we can't stop seeking His face or listening to His voice ~ if we listen to anything else ~ we could be in a world of hurt.

For those of you who read my blog, alot of this might not make sense, but it does to me and to other families that are in our situation who have been hurt by the ministry. I told my husband just the other day this is why people quit church and never go back. But we have to always remember that People hurt People, not buidlings or assemblies or God. People hurt you when you allow them too and when you are seeking God's face and you get serious about your walk with Him, in God's time it will be revealed. God is always on time even when we feel like he is way overdue to show up for our situation.

God is with us and God is for us and we are so thankful that we have a strong army of believers lifting each other up in a time of need. Pray for us as we pray for you and God willl lead our paths. More to come . . . .

Blessings,

Shelly

Rocks ~ Part 3 ~ Its all about the Friction

2009-04-17T10:55:00.006-05:00

There are those earth-shattering things that happen to us that bring us to our knees. Divorce, abuse, death, loss of job, the list could go on and on, right? Sometimes we put the real weight of what changes our life on those things but I want us to look at something small that changes us quiety, slowly and profoundly.

Its Friction ~
Webster Defines Friction as:

1.	surface resistance to relative motion, as of a body sliding or rolling.

2.	the rubbing of the surface of one body against that of another.

3.	dissension or conflict between persons, nations, etc., because of differing ideas, wishes, etc.

Today is Sunday and I started this post (what you see above) on Thursday and couldn't get direction on how to finish. I had so many things in my head to say but I really knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God would show me when and how to continue.

Well he has. My heart was really on definition #2 The rubbing of the surface of one body against another. It reminds me of when you stop and put your feet in a cold stream and those smooth stones are beneath your feet. God didn't create them smooth but allowed them to be smooth by the friction of one rubbing against the other and rubbing against the current and rubbing against the feet of youngsters playing in the water. God puts things in our lives to smooth our edges. To enable us to be able to move into the next level of what he has for us.

I say this a lot, but each life situation we face helps shape us for the next one IF, if being the word, we learn something and put that to work in our life.

My family is facing a huge change, good change but huge which I will write more about as time and wisdom and God allows but I look back on the last three years and know that the people and places and lives that I have rubbed against is what will enable me to make this next step in my life and in the life of my family.

I love the Lord so much and am so amazed by His timing. My timing is never right, but his is always right. If we set our clocks to 'jesus time' we will never be too early or too late. . .

Blessings

Shelly

Rocks ~ Part 2 ~ Upon this Rock

2009-04-17T10:53:00.002-05:00

I take my salvation very seriously and one of my favorite scripture readings is as follows:

Matthew 16:18-19
Jesus Speaking "And I say also to you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build My church, and the gates of Hell shall not prevail against it. And I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in Heaven."

When we fast forward to after Jesus' ascension we see the believers praying in one mind and one accord in the book of Acts waiting for the comforter that Jesus promised would come.

Acts 2:2-4 says:
"And suddenly there came a sound from heaven, as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled the whole house where they were sitting. Then there appeared to them cloven tongues as of fire, and sat upon each of them. And they were all filled with the Holy Ghost and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance"

As the promised comforter began to dwell in these believers the people around them knew that God was working because there were many travelers in the city that day for the Feast of Pentecost and as the believers spoke in tongues, they understood it in their native languages. They knew that these Jews did not speak their language and that something supernatural was taking place.

Acts 2:37-38
"Now when they had heard this, they were cut to the heart, and said to Peter and the rest of the apostles, "Men and brethren, what should we do? Then Peter said unto them "Repent, and let everyone of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins; and your shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost."

Now these are the keys that Jesus told Peter about. The keys to salvation: Repentance, Baptism and infilling of the Holy Ghost

Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever so this is not some idea that is come and gone.

Recently someone told me that to believe is enough ~ well the Bible tells me that the demons believe that Jesus is Lord and I am pretty sure that they are not saved.

I want everything that God had for me and I want to continue to read and pray and study His Words so that I can continue to Build my life Upon this Rock

Rocks ~ Part 1

2009-04-17T10:38:00.002-05:00

Rocks. Deep subject, those rocks. Really, think about it.

Rock of Ages, cleft for me, let me hide myself in thee ~ that stanza is one that almost anyone can quote ~ but do they know what that means?

Jesus is the foundation of what we need in life ~ He is the author and finisher of our faith. Hebrews 12:2 "Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God." If he has authored our faith then He knew when it was going to begin and as the finisher of our faith, He sees us as we complete our journey in life. It is so reassuring to know that He sees it all, front to back, beginning to end.

He was there when as a small child my mother was killed.
He was there when I laughed as a child.
He was there when my grandfather molested me.
He was there when I met my best friend.
He was there when I was betrayed by the one I loved the most.
He was there when I nursed my babies.
He was there when I went through the motions and thought I was really serving Him.
He was there when I was on top of the world.
He was there when I was lonely.
He was there when I met my true love.
He was there when I fought from Hell and Back for my kids.
He was there when I went back to school.
He was there when I cried myself to sleep.
He was there when I let someone else cry on my shoulder.
He was there when my car was repossessed.
He was there when I got engaged.
He was there when I got fired for the first time.
He was there at the wedding of TeamDeason.
He was there when I really fell in love with Him for the first time.
He was there when I found my life's calling
He was there when I started to seek his face for my life.
He was there when I needed encouragement.
He was there when I wanted to give up.
He was there when I fell down and laid there for a while.
He was there when I dusted off my knees.
He was there when I started to lean on Him, really lean on Him.
He is here with me now.
He will be with me tomorrow.

See, a rock can do a lot of things for us ~ the bible says in Psalm 61:2 "From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I."
That is the person I want to be, the person who leans on the Rock. . . I have more to come about rocks ~ but I can't post it all at one time, now can I?

Blessings,

Shelly

Ouiser Boudreaux

2009-04-15T08:30:00.000-05:00

This is proof that God has a sense of humor. . . I don't take a lot of facebook surveys and I can see why! I took the "which steel magnolia actress are you?" quiz and you guessed it, I am Ouiser. Here is what the survey said:

You are Ouiser. You are confident, self-reliant, and comfortable speaking your mind. You may have cared what other people thought of you in the past, but you're over that now. As you say, you're "not as sweet" as you used to be. (Perhaps you've been hurt in the past, so you have told yourself it's better to protect yourself than be hurt again?) You're comfortable in your own skin, and often say what everyone else is thinking, although they'd never dream of saying it aloud! You're witty and can be brash and sarcastic, but deep down you're a real softy! You are used to showing a hard outer shell, but sometimes you don't know what to do when life crumbles around you. It's during these times, you need to lean on those girlfriends to get you through. And once you're feeling better...you can bounce back to your rare form we all know and love! (P.S., we all secretly admire your confidence!).

This is, me in a nutshell ~ scary huh? I guess my friends know what I will be like when I am 60 ~ poor them. What is the spiritual application of this ~ what kind of growth can be gleaned from knowing you can identify easily with someone that people 'love to hate' but those who love you 'love you for who you are'?

Much like Ouiser, I will be tough and when my close friends and family call me to vent or to just need a friend, I will be bound and determined to find something funny about their situation. Laughter is medicine and last night I had such an incident. A friend called about how an old 'friend' was dating again and she was sure the girl was nice. I convinced her this girl had black roots and platinum blonde highlights, buck teeth with one missing right in the middle (which of course she never brushes), this girl never shaves her legs or has matching shoes let alone socks. My friend laughed and laughed at me but now when she thinks on this girl, I know she is not envisioning Jessica Simpson on the arm of her man.. More like Amy Winehouse~ That my friend, is what friends are for~

I think this ~ The bible says we are fitfully and wonderfully made so the Lord knew there would be these aspects of my personality and that he would find a way to work through them despite my humanity. I am slowly coming to the realization that if God loves me then I should love and embrace me too. Maybe I should learn to talk softer and carry a much smaller stick but still be who God made me. I am thankful everyday that God is putting more and more people in my life who are striving to be who HE wants them to be so we can glean from each other.

Let's glean all we can from each other ~ blessings!

Shelly

Makes me Want to Shout

2009-04-03T08:00:00.003-05:00

If anyone knows me well, they know I cannot sing. At all! But the Lord gave me a love for singing. Last night in our bible devotion the question was "What helps you fellowship with God the most?" and my quick answer was song ~ there is a connection with the spirit in song is just so intense I can't quite describe it.

There is a great little song by Francesca Battistelli called "Free to be Me" and I love to sing that song! Logan asked me to quit singing in the car the other day but as I told him, the lyrics of the song say ~ I'm Free to be Me, You're Free to be You ~ that is the joy of serving God.

We can still be us and be Christian's too! So many of us try to change the DNA God gave us to 'fit' into someone elses view of what makes you a Christian. I have a friend who I love dearly but she cracks me up because she is always asking me about situations and then she inevitably ends with this question ~ Do you think that is a sin? My favorite answer is that we need to draw nigh to the Lord and let him lead our hearts. One of my friends put on their facebook today "Those who lead well(in business, home, ministry, w/God) are those who are led well. I want to be led so I can lead!". That is what I want, my life to be a life of leading in the Lord. Leading others to the knowledge that life through Him is always worth it. I wish it were through song but that was not in the cards for me, I do believe my worship is contagious and when I am in service I put my all into the worship. But realistically, I can't outwardly worship the Lord all day, every day. I have to work, and eat and shop (sometimes thats a necessity) and do the day to day things of this life. So how can lead people with the Spirit of the Lord? I am discovering I can always be singing and praising in my heart even if I am not belting out a song in the middle of Wal-Mart. God forbid, I am sure the police would be called because people, the voice is not pretty.

Don't feel sorry for me, I'm okay with the fact my voice is really bad ~ I am tone deaf, I can't hear it. If you want to feel sorry for anyone, feel sorry for my car. . . it gets the brunt of my unwavering singing at the top of my lungs. I belt those words out to the Lord as if I were Carrie Underwood singing "Jesus Take the Wheel" ~ this morning was a great time of fellowship for me and Jesus. Right now (being the last two days) my favorite worship song is "When I Think About the Lord" which is on the playlist for church this Sunday. . . man I can get some praise on with this ditty.
Here is one of my favorite versions:

I hope you have a praise filled day and that you let the Lord lead you in His way.

Blessings,

Shelly

Coming out of the Abyss

2009-03-21T11:18:00.002-05:00

Hey Everyone,

It's been a minute ~ I know. I come back to you a new person, this a new day of a new chapter in the life of Shelly Deason. It is hard for me to come back here because I feel that I am not ready share my recent struggles with anyone but to say I have been through a spiritual attack and am clawing my way through it is about all I can do. But I know that this is the place where I get my strength. When I write; that is one of my closest times with God. I don't know if it is because alot of times these are open prayers for me or if this is where I open myself up the most to what is going on inside of me and that allows God to speak to me.

I walked away for a few weeks, I really did. I didn't set in my mind to do that; not at all. I don't think we ever do. All the while, my smile remained to everyone ~ even Brad. But alone ~ I was truly alone. We talk about putting the past behind us, about putting things under the blood of Jesus but then we pick them back up instead of turning to God in a time of aloneness (not a word, I'm sure) and when we are desolate it seems the crutches of this world are easier to lean on then God. Why is that? I don't have the answer. I just know that as more time passed; i became more and more miserable. These last two weeks have been some of the worst I have experienced in many many years. Trying to hold your head up and smile when you feel like you are living a lie and waiting for everyone to see your mistakes is not fun.

I am clinging to the thought that God sees me as I will be one day, not who I am now. I am clinging to His promise that He will never put on me more than I can bear. I am in a better place today than I was yesterday because I chose to step away from the bad and cling again to the good. I have a wonderful husband who loves me and lifts me up with his prayers. I am thankful to be coming out of the Abyss.

What is your abyss? Come on out of it, I am!

Shelly

Day 13 ~ Making the Most of It

2009-03-09T07:59:00.002-05:00

Day 13's scripture, 5:16 is a pretty clear that is can apply to us today with no problem "Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days."

In a day where parents kill their children and children shoot others at school and where drugs are out in the open, we must make the most of every opportunity. The days are short and the coming of the Lord is close. What have we done over the last week to amplify Christ to the world around us? What have we done to show love to our family and friends? How have we shown our boss that we are good workers?

Let's make the most of every opportunity this week.

Blessings,

Shelly

Catching Up ~ Breaking Through

2009-03-09T07:47:00.002-05:00

Hey all ~ the promised Sunday post didn't happen but here I am bright and early to catch it all up. Besides a great church service yesterday, the Spirit was so thick you could reach out and touch it, yesterday did not go well for me. Lack of sleep, stress and who know what else (most likely being too much in the flesh and not near enough of the Spirit) caused me to have a 'lose my mind moment or two' around 10:00pm. Why is it easy to take things out on the ones we love when we are stressed? Anyway, this is a new day and I am going to get in these scriptures with you and hopefully we will both learn something.

Day 9, 10, 11 & 12's scriptures actually go together so I am going to do the whole passage first:

Ephesians 5: 4-11

⁴ Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God. ⁵ You can be sure that no immoral, impure, or greedy person will inherit the Kingdom of Christ and of God. For a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world.

6 Don’t be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins, for the anger of God will fall on all who disobey him.

⁷ Don’t participate in the things these people do.

⁸ For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light!

⁹ For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true.

¹⁰ Carefully determine what pleases the Lord.

¹¹ Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them.

Sometimes, after reading a passage, I like to put it in the message translation. The Message, is not really a translation but it is a summerization of the scripture in today's language. I thought this one was really good. Thanks bible.com

Ephesians 5: 4-11

^{3 -4}Don't allow love to turn into lust, setting off a downhill slide into sexual promiscuity, filthy practices, or bullying greed. Though some tongues just love the taste of gossip, those who follow Jesus have better uses for language than that. Don't talk dirty or silly. That kind of talk doesn't fit our style. Thanksgiving is our dialect.

⁵You can be sure that using people or religion or things just for what you can get out of them—the usual variations on idolatry—will get you nowhere, and certainly nowhere near the kingdom of Christ, the kingdom of God.

^{6 -7}Don't let yourselves get taken in by religious smooth talk. God gets furious with people who are full of religious sales talk but want nothing to do with him. Don't even hang around people like that.

^{8 -10}You groped your way through that murk once, but no longer. You're out in the open now. The bright light of Christ makes your way plain. So no more stumbling around. Get on with it! The good, the right, the true—these are the actions appropriate for daylight hours. Figure out what will please Christ, and then do it.

^{11 -16}Don't waste your time on useless work, mere busywork, the barren pursuits of darkness. Expose these things for the sham they are. It's a scandal when people waste their lives on things they must do in the darkness where no one will see. Rip the cover off those frauds and see how attractive they look in the light of Christ.

As children of God, we need to be aware of everything around us and surround ourselves with people that are walking the same path we are. We were once in darkness 'walking through murk' but now we are in the light and we should walk in that light proudly, abstaining and removing ourselves from situations and people that do not nurture our new walks.

Blesssings,

Shelly

What a crazy last few days. . . .

2009-03-07T12:39:00.002-06:00

Sorry everyone that I have not been posting our 21 day Breakthrough scriptures. I will get caught up tomorrow after church.

Please pray for my mom. She fell doing yard work yesterday and broke her right wrist. She, of course, is right handed. So, we spent the majority of yesterday in the ER and are going to see a orthopedic surgeon the first of the week. My prayer is that God will heal her to the point where when we see the ortho he will tell her no surgery is necessary or even better, the break is gone. God can do exceedingly abundantly more than we can think or ask, so please pray for this because at her age and with her having fibromyalgia and osteporosis, a surgery will be hard on her body.

She is staying with us right now so just pray that we get a good result the first of the week. She is very independent and doesn't like to be away from home.

Blessings

Shelly

Opportunity's Knock

2009-03-05T15:14:00.000-06:00

Sometimes when we start something we know how it will end. When we get up to turn a light on, baring the bulb has blown, we know light will emit from the room, right? We know that when we turn the key, our car will start. There are somethings we know to be true because they happen everyday. We don't really need faith for that, in fact, we tend to take these things for granted and not only are they not things we need faith for, they are things we expect.

What if we did that with the unkown, the unseen? What if we pursued a job expecting something great to come of it? What if we loved our spouse with all we are expecting to have the best relationship we have ever known? What if we, as my cousin has recently done, put our house on the market in this down economy expecting a sold sign to pop up any day? What if we just expected the best to happen and then is does? That is how we can grow our faith today! Expect greatness from God and even when the answer isnt' clear or the one we expected.. find GOd in it.

Blessings,

Shelly

Day 8 ~ Keeping it Clean

2009-03-04T16:33:00.002-06:00

Day 8 ~ Keep it Clean

Our scripture today is pretty straightforward: "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people." Ephesians 5:3

Isn't it funny how Sexual Immorality is lumped into the same category as impurity and greed? It shows us that God sees sin as sin. Whether we be liars or promiscuous or greedy, all these things are "improper" for God's holy people.

God please cleanse our minds today of every evil that sets forth to make us stumble or that makes us a stumbling block to others. I have a friend that once clearly separated herself from wearing a particular item of clothing. I thought it was very odd but when she explained, when I wear that it takes me back to my partying days, it makes me want to be that again.

This is a clear example of someone putting impurity away from themselves. Let's look at what we do or see or say that may drive itself between us and God. Maybe its a book we read or an outfit we wear or words we let escape our lips. My prayer is that I am 'proper' in the eyes of the Lord, even in my shortcomings, I know He is helping me to grow daily in Him.

Blessings,

Shelly

Day 7 ~ Walking in Forgiveness

2009-03-03T13:09:00.004-06:00

Day 7 ~ Walking in Forgiveness

What does it mean to walk in forgiveness. Does it mean never being angry or hurt? No, of course not. Walking in forgiveness is forgiving others as Christ forgave us. As it shows in our scripture today:

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Eph. 4:32)

I have a true story you are not going to believe today. I promise it is true ~ I know these are the facts ~ this story is about me and my friend.

Around 20 years ago I met the person who would for all intents and purposes, be my soul-mate friend. You know the kind of friend who knows you inside and out and loves you anyway. The kind of friend you can tell your deepest secrets too and vice versa. Our friendship was so strong that miles could not touch it. We talked weekly even over 1,000 miles apart. We planned four day weekends for our families to get together at least twice a year and as soon as we hugged it was if we had seen each other yesterday.

This friendship was destroyed by betrayal in the utmost form, within the blink of an eye. I went from loving this friend to never wanting to talk with them again. Never wanting to see them again. This was almost 10 years ago, back in 1999. After about a year, the Lord dealth with me to forgive this friend and what they had done to me. I called and talked to the friend and let them know that God had been dealing with me on forgiveness because, really forgiveness is for us. Unforgiveness is a weight we wear around our neck and it chokes the life out of us everytime that person comes to mind or we see their face or someone mentions their name. So, I forgave said frend and told them that while I forgave them, I did not want to be their friend. I did not want to maintain contact with them or hear from them. This forgiveness was for me and I walked away feeling like I had forgiven.

Flash forward to 2004, Brad and I are dating and one day my friend comes up. I guess I laughed at some memory and then became pretty sad and said "I miss my friend". With Brad's encouragement, I called said friend and told them, I love you and miss you and although I don't know if things can ever be the same, I want you in my life and I truly forgive you. There was a weight that just fell off of me during this moment. The friend and I started talking again and people around me were amazed that I was friends with them again. It wasn't what was in me, it was God in me trying to fix some things.

See, I came to realize that my friend did hurt me, yes. But I also came to realize I gave them occasion to do so. If I had been caring and aware and the friend I should have been, this hurt may never have taken place anyway. I left doors open for the hurt to happen and that was my responsibility. I remember just like it was yesterday, my friend invited me to come to their house, around 6 hours away. I was traveling to see some colorguard show that was in the vicinity so I thought, why not? Let's see how this goes. It was three am when I got there, tired and road weary, and I walked into what felt like home. We hugged and laughed and like always, it was as if we had seen each other the day before.

We are soul-mate friends once again. God can restore what the enemy means to harm us. This friend was at our wedding, we have been as a family to visit them and they have been here to visit us. There have been times when my friend has asked me if I would like them to revisit the hurt and try to get it out in the open and my honest answer has been, I don't really care anymore. Because I don't . . . while that hurt ran deep it did things for me that nothing else could do, it opened my eyes to who I was and what I wanted in life and gave me a determination that God wanted more for me than I desired for myself. Through those hurts God created Joy and Love and Compassion for others. I am thankful for my friend and every situation we have walked through.

My friend called me just this Saturday and is walking through some situations of their own. I told them it is so hard sometimes to feel like you are walkig your path alone but God knows where we are walking and He sees where our path leads so there is no reason to be discouraged, even though as humans, we can't help it sometimes.

I think of all that I would miss out on in our friendship if God had not taught me how to walk in forgiveness. Some people say it is stupid to forgive and move forward, that you are just asking to be hurt again. When we place our faith and our trust in God, we don't have to worry about being hurt by people, because God always holds us through every circumstance. Let God lead you to walking in forgiveness today. It's interesting, when we talk about forgiving like God forgave us, we sometimes forget that God doesn't even remember our sin. The following verses show how much God does when He forgives us:

Isa 43:25 I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins.
Heb 8:12 For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more.
Heb 10:17 And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more.

How can you do that if you feel like you can't forgive. It is so simple; Just tell the Lord you are tired of caring around someone elses junk. Ask Him to take that junk and put it away from you and that everytime hurt and unforgiveness rears its head, speak to it and tell it, Hey, I gave you to Jesus so go away! It takes time, but keep walking forward in love and God will give you the ability to have your heart healed and restored.

Blessings,

Shelly

Day 6 ~ Giving it to Jesus

2009-03-02T14:41:00.002-06:00

Day 6 ~ Our Scripture is:

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice." (Eph. 4:31)

Giving it up to Jesus is how I look at this day. I would like to think that I am really strong in this area but I have thought on it quite a bit today (hence the late blog) and I realize that I am really strong for periods of time, if that makes sense.

I am going to use my ex-husband as an example (sorry Bill). Mostly, I am so over the hurt and pain of our divorce. I am married to the most wonderful man ever and God made he and I for each other. We are soul mates. Bill and I get along good these days and can even laugh and joke and plan things such as birthdays together. But in those small moments of time, when he makes me mad over something he says or he gets the kids upset, I am often (but not always) pulled back into those memories of hurt and anger immediately. I am not longer angry over the present but over the whole of our relationship. Some will say, this is, "being a girl", which I will admit, we are wired that way generally. But some of it is our flesh just not being what it should be. Just like I am not the person I was 5 years ago, neither is Bill. And while I do not want him to compare me to 'that Shelly' I am sure he does at times.

So today, my goal is to get all that hurt and pain under the blood of Jesus so when he does something to make me mad (and I assure you, he will at some point), then it will be about that day and that incident only and not something that happened in 1992 when we were young, stupid newlyweds whose idea of communication was to throw things and scream (me) or to just ignore and not talk (him).

Blessings and prayers for getting rid of bitterness and strife and unforgiveness in our daily relationships.

Shelly

Breaking Through ~ Day 5 ~ Grieve not the Spirit

2009-03-01T14:03:00.002-06:00

Today's scripture for Day 5 is as follows:

"And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption." Ephesians 4:30

Today we must maintain focus on cleaning out from ourselves anything that would grieve the spirit of God. Think about that, what do we do that makes God sad? I can think of so many things I should do differently that would make God happy and proud to have me as his child. Pastor Shane spoke this morning and one of the thing he equated to the natural man and God is the way we love our children. Like God, our children can't do things for us to love them more or less but they can do things that either make us proud of them or embarraseed that they didn't make better choices. Let's make the choices today that will make God proud and not grieve His spirit.

Church was awesome today, God really gave me a revelation in an old hymn I had not heard in quite some time. The lyrics are:

Through it all, through it all

I’ve learned to trust in Jesus,

I’ve learned to trust in God.

Through it all, through it all

I’ve learned to depend upon His word.

The words of this song hit my heart this morning. No matter what we go through, no matter the challenges we face, the hurt we have endured in life, through it all, we need to learn to trust and depend on God. I cried out to God this morning and said "God, I have walked through some dry places and I have had hurt but if the reason for it all was to learn to trust in you, then it was worth it. Put me through what you need to for me to trust you, for me to depend on Your Word. I surrender to Your will"

We got home about 10 minutes ago and I sat right down to look up this song.. The verses were amazing to me (the chorus was played at church) and so I wanted to share the verses as well:

Verse 1

I’ve had many tears and sorrows,

I’ve had questions for tomorrow,

There’ve been times

I didn’t know right from wrong;

Oh, but in ev’ry situation

God gave me blessed consolation

That my trials come

To only make me strong.

Verse 2

I’ve been to lots of places,

And I’ve seen a lot of faces,

There’ve been times I felt so all alone,

O but in my lonely hours,

Yes, those precious lonely hours,

Jesus let me know

That I was His own.

Chorus

Through it all, through it all

I’ve learned to trust in Jesus,

I’ve learned to trust in God.

Through it all, through it all

I’ve learned to depend upon His word.

Verse 3

I thank God for the mountains,

And I thank Him for the valleys,

I thank Him for the storms He’s brought me through.

For if I’d never had a problem,

I wouldn’t know that He could solve them,

I’d never know what faith in God could do.

Today, let's thank Him that He has been here, Through it all!

Blessings,

Shelly

Day 4 ~ Kindness Update

2009-02-28T21:45:00.000-06:00

All in all ~ a really good day. I really focused on what I was going to say before I said it, so I am proud of me......How did you do today with this challenge?

Day 4 ~ Breaking through with Kindness

2009-02-28T11:54:00.003-06:00

Our scripture for today is. . . .

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Eph. 4:29)

This is such a challenge for me, not only today, but everyday. Sarcasm is part of my daily conversation ~ it is 'how I talk' to pretty much. So today I am going to focus on watching every word that comes out of my mouth and make sure that what I say is only for the building up of others ~ It's kind of like what Thumper's Dad says "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all."

I will update later today and let you know how sucsessful I am . . . . hoping and praying for a good one!

Day 3 ~ Breaking Through and Showing Kindness

2009-02-27T21:53:00.002-06:00

All day long today I actually looked for ways to reach out to people. Brad and I both took the day off work (except for a few calls that I had to tend to) and we went TV shopping. I mean shopping. We went to three pawn shops (who were cleaned out because it is 'tax time' and military payday weekend all in one); HH Greg, Best Buy, Target, Sears, Electronics Express, Sam's Club, and Essex and didn't find the deal we were looking for. What a day! We drove a whole tank of gas out all over Clarksville from 1pm until 7pm when we rolled back into town to eat dinner with Chris & Leigh and Mom and Maude. We decided to go look 'one last place' Hopkinsville's very own Wal-Mart. There were some other families looking at TV's too and we found just the one we wanted in our price range. Well the other family wanted it too, and you guessed it, there was only one. We told them to go ahead because we would be fine, they were so excited that we let them have the TV. Brad & Chris decided to go ahead and drive back down to Oak Grove (around 20 minutes) to see if their walmart had this TV..The lady in electronics overheard this and called the walmart and they held the same TV for Brad. He is gone to pick it up now. That family thanked us over and over. We were so glad to give that TV up for them. It really felt good.

I was also able to pray with one of my clients today and tell him that I would continue to lift him up to the Lord. He is a great guy and has every bad thing happen to help him get his medications. He has an advocate before me that screwed his meds up and then his doctor sent the wrong prescription so instead of having a 90 day supply of meds, he only got a 30 day supply. Now he is down to six pills and may run out. Pray that he gets his meds on time because he really can't be without them

Excited for what Day 4 will bring, hang in there with me,

Blessings,

Shelly

Break Through ~ Day 2 & 3

2009-02-27T07:46:00.002-06:00

Of course, yesterday was Day 2 but I was really still focusing on day one, which in retrospect is ironic because Day to was so simple and if I had followed it yesterday as was planned, I may not have had so much trouble.

Day 2 focuses on Ephesians 4:25 "Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body."

I will do day 2 and 3 today so if you are following along, sorry for throwing so much at you. Basically, speak the truth be remember we are all one body, so we need to talk to others the way we want them to talk to us, right? Sounds easy huh? It is when we focus on it but not so easy when we are angered by others.

Day 3 is Ephesians 4:28 "He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need."

Remember how we talked about how this is written to people who are already Christians. Surely we don't steal from Wal-mart or Old Navy. If this is a struggle, we need to ask God to put our desire where they need to be. However, I think Paul is talking about something far different than that. Do we rob God of our time, do we take our time and use it to further His kingdom? I know I am guilty of this so many times. I use excuses as to why I don't do more for God. Let's lay aside our excuses and work for God so we can share His love with those in need. How can we do this? All it takes is a smile to a person we are in line with at Wal-mart, a simple nod of the head can start a conversation that may brighten that persons day. Maybe God will open a door at a restaurant to share your faith with a server or you can offer to pray for someone who you know is in need. Let's open ourselves up to the opportunities that lie in front of us today.

I am confident in the Lord that I will have a testimony today of showing God's goodness to someone else.

Blessings,

Shelly

EPIC FAIL

2009-02-26T15:46:00.003-06:00

Okay,

So why did I think that breaking through would be easy. Just this morning I was writing about the new man and becoming righteous and I was tested beyond my bounds today.....as my kids would say EPIC FAIL. I did not beat it, I let the enemy get to me. I was right but my attitude was wrong, so now I have to pray for God to make me better at putting on the new man because today I did not have on the new man ~ the old one was roaring pretty loud.

So now, with a sinus headache, a new puppy, excited children (because of new puppy), and a day of not much accomplished I can assure you that when the old man wins out, there is no righteousness or true holiness in that!

Praying for my old man to go away and my new man to emerge

Shelly

Breaking Through

2009-02-26T07:38:00.002-06:00

We had a great church service last night. We, as a body, are doing 21 days of Break Through. We have a scripture everyday that we are going to pray over our lives and over our families. I invite you to join me on this journey of breaking through the walls that hinder our walks with God. I am going to try and post all 21 days which in itself is a challenge for me. I pray that God gives me words for each day and that you and I can break through together. I never do this, but today I encourage you to share this blog link with your friends and family because I really feel this is going to be a good three weeks for us all.

So Today's Scripture is: Day 1 ~ Ephesians 4:24 "And that you put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness"

As we go through these scriptures in Ephesians keep this in the front of your mind. Paul was writing to Christians. He was writing to the church at Ephesus. These books were not written to the unsaved, they were written to the churches of Paul's day to admonish, correct, and build up their faith in their Savior.

Many of us would look at this scripture and see Paul talking to a sinner "put on the new man" become "righteous and holy". . . but no, these scriptures are for the person who has already believed in Jesus as their Savior. Sometimes we are guilty of trying to 'preach' to the unbeliever some scripture that is not for them. Just like you wouldn't feed a baby a piece of steak, there is 'meat' in the scripture that is for people who are further in their journey walking with God. I'm not sure why I got off on that but anyway. . . .

Putting on the new man for me is praying today for God to help me be the person he sees as my 'finished product'. God doesn't just see me today, as the flawed person I am, He sees me as He has perfected me over time, and He knows that the path I am walking today will bring me where He intends for me to go and for who He intends for me to be. The person God intends for me to be has so many facets but by this scripture I know that in that will encompass righteousness and true holiness.

According to Websters, Righteous means ~ Acting in accord with divine or moral law; free from guilt or sin; morally right or justified; genuine; excellent.

Help me today Lord to act according to your law. Enable me to read your word with clarity and understanding so that I will follow your path more closely. Keep me from letting sin or guilt from past sins creep into my mind because if I dwell on these things, I am moving away from your righteousness, not getting closer to it. Help me to be genuine, most of the time, I feel like I am true to who I am, no matter who I am around. Help me to not lose that but to temper it with love and excellence.

I almost didn't talk about 'true holiness' and that was purposeful. . Growing up, holiness was taught to me as wearing dresses, not cutting your hair or wearing make up. Holiness was for lack of better words, a doctrine of the church I was brought up in. I had a skewed opinion of what God expects of us through our relationship with Him. I am not bashing people who believe that way, I believe there are alot of 'holiness standard' people who love God and serve Him. I also believe that folks that just follow what they are taught without convictions of their own, are just skimming through life and don't know the true joys of knowing God in a deeper way.

There are two kinds of Christians and I saw them both at Wal-Mart on Saturday; I went to church with both these ladies as I was growing up. The first lady I saw in the produce aisle gave me the biggest smile and is always ready with a hug and wants to know how my family is. I am able to share with her my walk with God and I am so blessed that while we don't dress the same or go to the same church, this girl knows I love Jesus and she not for one minute thought to herself, this girl is not ready for heaven because she doesn't dress like me. Not for one minute did her eyes or her heart judge me.

Three aisle over, as I was exiting the canned goods aisle, a buggy bumped into mine. I looked up and gave the same smile for a different lady. This lady glanced me up and down and said in the first two sentences, "So are you going to church?". . Wow, see, I shared the same events with this lady and I could see the whole time she was thinking ~ "well, your not saved like me". . . but I have news for her. Holiness is something you should see on the outside. You should see it on someone's countenance that they are sold out to their Savior. You should see in them that God is in the middle of all their circles and that they are at the center of His will. You see God's holiness on someone's spirit, not their clothes.

I have come to love 'true holiness' because that is when we allow our relationship with God to lead us in the path that He wants us to go. True holiness gives a liberty in Christ that we can't find anywhere else. To know that a Holy Savior bled and died on a cross so that I might be saved is such an awe inspiring thing. The dictionary tells us that Holy means~ exalted or worthy of complete devotion as one perfect in goodness and righteousness; divine; devoted entirely to the deity or the work of the deity. This last one sums up where I want my walk with God to be; Devoted entirely to the deity or the work of the deity. If we are putting on the new man, God will chip away the old one for the new one to immerge victorious over the things that keep us from being devoted entirely to Him.

I'm gonna be real transparent hear and talk about something I have seen God change in me over the last two years. I know I have a long way still to go, but hey, we need to show some progress.

Two years ago, I had a bad habit of what my family and friends call, the F Bomb....yep, I said it alot! Alot, Alot! I actually cussed alot in general, but the F Bomb was my go to word when I was really angry. As my walk with God increased, I found myself using it less and less. If I found myself using it more, I knew I had not been seeking the face of God like I should. Why on earth would I tell you I used to love to cuss? Because we all have struggles. We all have those things that no one who knows us on the surface would expect of us. Who knows you yell at your husband and kids or that you are addicted to pornagraphy or that you struggle to get up in the morning because you are so depressed or that you eat normally in front of folks but go in the bathroom and throw up afterward? Not many people know the things we keep hidden but God sees it all and He knows it all and the best part is, He knows we can change for the better because He sees the perfect us, that we will be as we continue to put on the new man, to pray and become closer to him, to be more righteous and walk in true holiness.

Blessings,

Shelly

Purposeful or Perfect?

2009-02-25T07:27:00.003-06:00

What do I lives really matter in the big scheme of things. What purpose are we here for? Of course, for me, our ultimate purpose as Christians is to show forth Christ through our lives and lead others to him.

But what does that really mean? For me, that means being myself but letting God shine through that, which is not always easy for Him to do because I still have too much of me and need more of Him. Too many people, just as I have before, put on a 'the christian walk', we act like a christian for certain people and are truly ourselves with other people. God wants us to be who we are, but striving to be who He is. Then, even when we are not perfect, others can still see Him and know that God takes imperfect people.

In Matthew 5:6 Jesus says, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, For they shall be filled." It is so important to strive after perfection but it is a just as important to know that we are not! Paul was talking to the Phillipian church when he said "I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus". (Phillipians 3:14) Paul knew that he wasn't perfect, but that didn't keep him from striving in that direction.

If non-believers only see the 'perfect' Christians, how are they going to feel comfortable being one. They know they are not perfect so why would Christ accept them? It is not our job to be perfect. It is our job to show the love of Christ to a sinful world so that they are drawn by that. This then will open doors to share what Jesus has done and is still doing in our lives. There is a tired saying "we are the only Jesus some will ever see" but it is true. There are some people who would never step in the door of the church so when we bump their cart at Wal-Mart and apologize with a smile, that may be the only church they see. When we are waited on in a restaurant and the waitress overhears ALL of our conversation, did she hear Jesus in any of it? Or did she just see people like her?

Let's take a minute and remember today what our purpose is in this life. Sure, we want to provide more for our kids than we had. Sure, we want to be comfortable financially. Sure, we want to get a new puppy. These things are all good and wonderful but our real purpose is what matters in the end. Not that we appeared 'perfect' but that we walked with a purpose.

Blessings!

Shelly

Frustration and Inner Struggle

2009-02-23T11:45:00.000-06:00

Have you ever had a day that no matter what you try to accomplish, things go awry? That is what today is like. So, I headed to the Word to settle my spirit and be able to focus on my day. .

Frustration is by definition ~ A feeling of disappiontment or defeat at being unable to accomplish one's purpose

Why does this happen? Looking back on my morning, I know I did not start with the vital tools to make any day a success. The kids missed the bus and I had to run them to school and I never settled back in for time with Jesus before my day got it's start. For me, there is such a difference when I don't start my day with the Lord. What does that mean really? Does that mean 45 minutes of prayer? Does that mean reading 2 Chapters in my Bible? No, not at all.

It is so simple. Waking up and just talking to God and thanking Him for another day, talking to Him about what is happening in your world today. Does He know this stuff already, sure He does. But what matters is that we take the time to include Him.

How much do we want to help someone else when they don't include us? How much time do we have for others when they have time for all their other friends, and shopping and internet but none for us. How is God different from that? Sure He is a God of love and of mercy but the Bible teaches us He is also jealous of our time and our love and our hearts. Some times frustration comes about just so we will stop and realize what our priorities are so we can refocus and go the direction our hearts need to go.

Phillipians 4:6,7 Says : Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Jesus Christ.

So, now, this moment, at noon instead of 8 a.m. I am reminded that these last four hours of frustration could have been avoided by simply relying on the one who wants to "keep my heart and mind"; I am reminded that if i 'bring everything to God in prayer and with Thanksgiving that He will hear me and give me Peace".

So, today, this is my prayer:
Jesus, give me peace for this day and give me direction for my feet and help me to look around and see this sudden growth as a blessing and to implement ways to nurture it and help me to not go crazy in the process because Your word says in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, " plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Allow me to rely on your words and not my own. Thank you so much for your love and patience with a silly girl who puts too much stock in herself sometimes and thank you for my wonderful supportive family you have blessed me with. I know from the scripture in Jeremiah that you see my future so I have no need to worry over, so forgive me when I do, sometimes I am just not quite there yet in my faith, which I have learned, breeds frustration. Talk to you soon!

Shelly

God is in the middle of the Circle. . . .

2009-02-20T11:34:00.000-06:00

Today I find myself thinking about circles, don't really know why. I think my life sometimes I feel like I circle the same situations over and over again until I get them right. In society, there are so many thoughts about circles.

We talk about "may the circle be unbroken" when it comes to tradition and to our closeness with family and with God.

We talk about "breaking the circles" of addiction, of abuse, of broken homes, of being uneducated.

We talk about coming "Full Circle", which to me is for all things to be right again as they were before.

When we have a day that is not productive we feel like we are "going in circles" spinning around and never getting any where; yet when we have a great day "we are running circles around the competition"

We have friends that are in our "inner circle"; those we trust and confide in more than others; those we would stake our lives on the fact that they will be our friends to the end.

What is most important about our circles, no matter how big, how small, how broken, is that Jesus be the center. When He is the center of the circle we can stand when it grows, when it shrinks, when it comes apart at the sides. The Bible says in Isaiah that he "is the wheel in the middle of the wheel" he is the focus because as the wheel turns, so do the tire around it. Let's put God in the center and we won't veer off course today!

My Baby Boi

2009-02-10T08:46:00.000-06:00

Today my baby turns 14. I think about how much he has grown and matured over the last few years and laugh about how far he still has to go but doesn't realize it yet.

My greatest joy in Logan is his sensitivity to the Lord. He can run amuck at home and torture his sister to no end but when we get in the presence of the Lord you can see on his face how much he loves Jesus. A few weeks ago we had a really moving service and Sara was singing "The More I Seek You". I was at my pew, hands raised in worship and I felt this little arm go around my waist and Logan singing along with Sara. He began to weep and cry out to the Lord and as a parent, there is never anything more precious than that.

For his birthday, we got him a keyboard because he wants to teach himself to play. Before the night was over last night, you could start to recognize "Here I am to Worship". . .I am thankful that my son is all boy when it comes to being dirty and grimy and playing video games and I am thankful that he still has a sensitive heart for the Lord. We are going to continue to encourage his gifts and see how the Lord uses him in the future.

Back to the Heart of it All

2009-02-05T09:15:00.000-06:00

Today I am introspective. I have so many things on my plate that I should be doing, but none of it seems to get done. I appear busy but am unaccomplished in my goals. I want to write my goals down here and be accountable because I know that I can do these things if I just push past my flesh and start taking the necessary steps. I am really wanting to throw up instead of put my goals out here for all to see (the 4 people that read my blog- well ya gotta start somewhere, right?)

Anyway, here I go: (I will bold the entries as I complete them or feel I am really being consistent)

Pray Daily ~ Seeking God's Will for my life and business
Enroll 5 new clients per week
Reach 100 clients by August
Hire a part-time person to help grow the business
Get out in the community and make new contacts weekly
Get moved into new office and have it finished by Saturday afternoon
Don't give up on myself when I screw up ~ persevere
Laugh More ~ My family says I need to chillax
Make a to do list each night for the next daily
Maintain Focus
Limit Facebook and Twitter Usage
Be thankful that God gave me this opportunity and ability

That's all for now ~ goodness that was harder than I thought it would be

Shelly

Suited Up

2009-01-31T22:11:00.001-06:00

He cleans up well, huh?

What a Hottie!

Milestone ~ Brad Update

2009-01-31T11:17:00.001-06:00

YAY FOR MY HUSBAND (yes, I am shouting)

As of today, he has lost 100 lbs. Down to 316...way to go baby!

Before:

After:

Icy Day

2009-01-27T16:35:00.000-06:00

Well, today the ice is heavy and there are many in my city without power. Please pray that we don't have more power outages. We are supposed to get 1-3 inches of snow on top of the ice later and that in and of itself could cause more outages.

The ice on the trees is beautiful, as if they are made of glass. A simple thing like ice can make these large creations fragile in just a matter of hours. There are trees down everywhere across Hopkinsville and my son said upon return from his Dad's in the country that you could stand outside and just hear all the trees in the woods popping as limbs succumbed to ice.

Sometimes our lives are like that. . . we are rock solid, feel like we are an example of what life should be. Then a storm comes and sticks to us so fast and so hard that we begin to break into pieces and start falling apart. We had no idea that even those who are strong are sometimes no match for a storm.

At times like this, we need to put God first, and let him help us pick up the pieces that are broken. Give it all to Him and He can fix what the storm has broken. We will be more beautiful in His eyes because sometimes the storm prunes things away that didn't need to be there in the first place, we just thought that they were intregal to our lives, but God knows best.

Consequences

2009-01-21T13:02:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking alot about consequences today. Sometimes we make bad choices and have to face 'the music'. . . what is 'the music' really? It's the results of decisions we make.

Sometimes the best intentions are not good enough and bad decisions are a result. I made a bad choice, although it was with the best of intentions. Somehow on the other side of the choice, that doesn't seem to matter to my spirit. My spirit is broken and sad and even apprehensive because I know that 'the music' will be well deserved.

I think about being a mom and how I have had to make my kids 'face the music'. As early as yesterday, Logan was officially informed he has no cell phone or teen center for at least the next three weeks. The smartest boy I know got 2, count em', 2 D's on his report card. Not for lack of intelligence, not from poor understanding of the subject manner, but from the sheer fact of not planning effectively. Brad told him just the other night, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Maybe Brad should have had that conversation with me as well.

We are never too old to learn that consequences mean something. Here at 35 years old, I can show my kids, even grown-ups are stupid sometimes. . . . .

Just pray for me today, because the music is coming soon and although I am sure I won't like the song, it has to be sung, and I have to listen to it. . . . . .

Photo Update - Brad & Shelly

2009-01-19T15:49:00.000-06:00

Brad has now lost 90 Lbs and I am still stuck at 23 Lbs.....

Before -October 1, 2008:

After - January 18, 2009:

Boy, I need a tanning bed, huh?

A tale of two plumbers. . . this is good

2009-01-14T17:11:00.000-06:00

I have saved our adventure from the weekend for a few days so that I could have something good to blog about tomorrow but now I am sharing it today anyway. . .

Our water has been draining slow for a few weeks. Last Thursday (Jan 8th) I called our regular plumber to see if they could come on out to our house. I did not get a call back on Friday so I thought, well, let me give it the weekend and see what happens. . .PS....Bad Idea.

Saturday night Logan went to take a shower and called out that the water was draining slow. Only to find out when I went in there later, it did not drain at all. It looked like he had taken a soak and not let the water out at all. It took several hours for it to drain so we knew that we would have to be quick on the shower Sunday morning.

Sunday morning was of course, worse. After Brad had his shower, not only did the water not drain, but the lines started backing up into the tubs and let me tell you, it was not a good thing. We called our plumber at 7:30am and got nothing, the next guy we called, nothing. We finally called "lester ellis plumbing" that has advertised extensively in our area. It has actually been bought out by "Hiller Plumbing" and they told us it would be $70 for a Sunday service call but at this point, what were we going to do? Well, waiting would have been better. Brad met the guy at the house while I was still at church and the guy determined that to fix the line, he needed to remove the toilet in the kids bathroom and he attempted to snake the line from there. Obviously we are not plumbers so we did not know this was not normal. He then proceeded to tell brad we did not have outside access to the line and that we would need to put in a piece outside or it would not drain properly to the tune of...you better sit down, $1700.00. . we put the brakes on right there and told him we would get some estimates and get back with him. So basically, he did nothing and charged us $266 for taking off our toilet and putting it back on, not to mention there was 'muddy water' all over the bathroom that 'guess who' got to clean up. It was everywhere

Monday morning, Bruce Orton Plumbing (Bruce gets a star in heaven from me) came out and lo and behold found our outside drain in 4 minutes, had the drain fixed in about 10 minutes and said there was no way that the guy should have done anything in the house. The kids toilet is now a little wobbly so I am sure Bruce will have to come back and fix it. Needless to say, we called Hiller and let them know we were stopping payment on the check. They should be thankful I am not suing them for having to clean that nasty bathroom after they got done 'helping' us. . . so, a word to the wise, never wait until you really need the plumber to find one, or at least don't make it on a day when Bruce Orten is out of town, it could cost you a bundle (or at the least some really yucky elbow grease

Have a good one!

Shelly

Palms 2

2009-01-14T09:17:00.000-06:00

I am trying to have some time of reading and reflection each morning to help me keep my mind on the Lord throughout the day. I was struggling with frustration a few weeks ago and opened up my Bible and there it was in Psalms 61:2-4". . . . when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For thou has been a shelter for me, and a stronger tower from the enemy. I will abide in thy tabernacle forever: I will trust in the covert of they wings." This helped me to realize, no matter what, when I am confused or overwhelmed I just need to turn to Him because is my rock and my protection.

So this started me thinking about the book of Psalms. I knew in general from earlier teachings that Psalms was mainly written by David, who although flawed, had a heart for the Lord. Most of the Psalms were written as songs of worship and they show that out of our joy, out of our sorrow and confusion that God can put a song in our hearts.

I decided that for the next little bit, I will read on Psalms and while I won't go through every Psalms with you, the ones that really say something to me will get a blurb for sure. I love when I read the Bible and see something I haven't seen before. When there is a confirmation from previous messages or thing the Lord has already put on my heart.

Psalms 2 talks about being anointed of God and what that means for us. It speaks of how ungodly rulers and kings rage against the Lord but he just sits in heaven and laughs. He sits in heaven and laughs? God know that He reigns so he doesn't worry about when folks come against Him or say that He is not real. He just laughs! That makes me want to me more like Jesus. I wish I could just sit back and laugh everytime something comes against me, and if I want to be more like the Lord, I need to move to that direction of thinking. If I am His child, I possess His inheritance, what is His, is mine. So I can laugh at the enemies attempts to trip me up, to make me feel inadequate, because I am the Lord's child.

The other part of this passage that really spoke some confirmation to me was verse 8 "Ask of me, and I shall give the heathen for thine inheritance, and the uttermost parts of the earth for thy possessions." Brad and I have been prayerful and discussing selling our home and moving into a brand new community in Clarksville for some time. Over the past few weeks it looks like the doors are starting to open for that to happen. Not tomorrow, or probably next week, but at some point in the close future. Sometimes we wonder to ourselves, is this ever going to happen, does God want this for us. . but today when I read "and the uttermost parts of the earth for thy possessions" I felt a real peace about where God is taking us. If I am willing to give up my possessions (my time, my prayers, my love, my money) then He is going to give me the uttermost parts of the earth. We don't have to worry about the hows, the whens, the whys; we just have to wait and see and continue to give ourselves to Him and He will show us the path.

Have an awesome day!

Struggle

2009-01-09T10:46:00.000-06:00

I am struggling with my job. I can't seem to maintain the focus I need to take care of my workload. I am going to go to the doctor; maybe I need some ADHD medicine ~~~~~~~I am going to find out though because I know I can be successful and don't want to be a disappointment to my family or myself. I have declared here publicly that I am going to overcome this roadblock.

"I can do all things through Christ. . . . ."

Shell

What are you ashamed of?

2008-12-30T14:54:00.000-06:00

Shame. . . it is a word we all know.

What are things we are ashamed of?

Our Failures
Our Past Mistakes
Our Parents
Our Children
Our Jobs
Our Spouses
Our Financial Standing
Our Decisions
Our Abilities

We go through life with regrets and things that we wish we would have done differently. These things, as I have discussed before, define us really. Without the actions of yesterday, we can't take actions today. In my bible study today, I read the following:

1 Phillipians 1:20 & 21 KJV
According to my earnest expectation and hope, that in nothing shall I be ashamed, but that with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ should be magnified in my body, whether it be by life, or by death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

1 Phillipians 1:20 & 21NCV
I expect and hope that I will not fail Christ in anything but that I will have the courage now, as always to show the greatness of Christ in my life her on earth, whether I live or die. To me the only important thing about living is Christ, and dying would be profit for me.

1 Phillipians 1:20 & 21 The Message
I can hardly wait to continue my course. I don't expect to be embarrassed in the least. On the contrary, everything happening to me in this jail only serves to make Christ more accurately known, regardlesss of whether I live or die.They didn't shut me up; they gave me a pulpit! Alive, I'm Christ's messenger, Dead, I'm his bounty. Life versus even more life! I can't lose.

This scripture setting is when Paul is in jail and he is essentially saying, you may imprison me as a person, but you cannot imprison what God has done in me and will do through me. We can't wait until someone 'imprisons' us before we really look at what it means to proclaim Christ and what he means to us.

What this says to me is that I am to be ashamed of nothing, especially my relationship with the Lord.

Isn't it easier to talk to people about the new gift you got for Christmas, how your kids are doing in school or where you are going on vacation than to tell someone about the love of Jesus. People who don't know Jesus as Savior don't mind telling us their stories of how they live their lives and the personal choices they make. So, while we should not shove our beliefs down the throat of others, we should look for openings in conversations to be able to share our relationship with Christ and the difference it has made in our lives.

In the book of Acts, when the Holy Ghost, came to dwell in the believers, it gave them power to proclaim who and what God is. Acts 1:8 "But you shall receive power after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you; and ye shall be witnesses unto me. . . .and unto the uttermost parts of the earth"

We should never be ashamed of the blood that Jesus shed for us, without it , we would be not only miserable inside, but lost for eternity. I am so thankful, and I pray that in the coming days, that God give me a boldness like never before to share what He has done in my life. I am thankful for repentance, for baptism in Jesus Name and for the infilling of the Holy Ghost. Without Him, I am nothing!

Blessings!

Shelly

My crazy life...

2008-12-23T20:50:00.000-06:00

What a Wonderful Weekend. . .
We are such a blessed family. We have incredible friends, an incredible church and an amazing family. Our weekend started off so full of fun. We received a gift of a night at the union station hotel in Nashville. It was spectacular. We ate at J Alexander’s downtown, which was awesome! The only complaint (which is my complaint only, Brad was excited about this part because apparently, I am a bed hog) is that the bed was so big I felt like I was sleeping alone. I missed my husband…

Saturday morning I had planned a surprise from Brad. We met an old friend (and a new one) for breakfast and it was a great time sharing what the Lord is working in our lives. We ended up spending three hours together and I am thankful that God has re-introduced these folks into our lives for this time of growth and strength to each other.
The rest of the day, we spent the day finishing some Christmas shopping, meeting the Pastor and family for some lunch, and watching the movie “7 Pounds”. This movie was hauntingly sad but really showed love and compassion that I’ve not seen in a Hollywood film in a while. I would recommend it to you for the simple fact of it makes you think about what you have and that we should treasure it.

Sunday morning we had an awesome church service. I have included some pictures of where the Carter’s decorated the place for Christmas. It looks so pretty and the work they put into it shows.

Sunday afternoon brought the first Christmas celebration to our home. Chris and Leigh and Marlena came down and we had ham and meatloaf, mashed potatoes, corn, green beans, pretzel salad and chess cake bars for lunch. Present time was a blast, as always. We truly realize how blessed we are to have family that loves and cares for us. Seeing the kids get a ton of neat stuff was fun to watch.

The kids played video games all afternoon and then we watched Wall-E, which is now a family fave.

So, our weekend was good. . .and it was a good thing, because Monday was yucky for the most part.. but the ending was good. We took the fam to O'Charleys and I did the photo shoot seen here despite the non-cooperation of my family. Brad finally put his hand over his face so I would quit taking pictures.

"A Long Winter's Nap"

2008-12-17T18:44:00.000-06:00

Well, somehow I lost two hours while on the couch this afternoon. Maybe it was the greyness of the day, or the warmth of the throw but I was out like a light. It is so odd to drift off to sleep and then awaken in the dark and think, just for that second, where am I and how did I get here. That little jog back into reality gives you cause to look around the house, make sure the kids are good and the doors properly fastened. Of course, I discovered Caitlin is STILL shopping with her friends and Logan is still at the computer and Brad went back to work after his lunch, so all is well in the castle we call Deason. No need to let the dragon out to slay something in the moat, all is well, all is well.

It has been a while since I blogged and I have missed it. Some mornings I sit down to do it and so many thoughts go through my head, I am not sure which one to go with, not sure if the emotions I am feeling should go on paper (i.e. the internet) for the world to see. I can't imagine blogging and then going back two hours later to try and delete a thought and hope no one read it yet. I have figured out something great about blogging that I am sure my husband prays daily I will apply to my oral communication. Be careful what you say, your words mean something. It is easier when we talk to not care if we mean something, but when the words are in stone, it feels different.

I was mad at my husband this morning. Usual man stuff, just not 'helping' me the way he should, in my so humble opinion. I didn't want to like him, I did love him though. As the day wore on, the anger faded and I found myself almost disappointed, do you ever feel that way? Like you want to be mad and maybe pick a fight to see if you can win it? That is the mood I had on this morning. So we were instant messaging and he said something funny and I told him, "Quit trying to make me like you" to which he has some witty, stupid comment and before I knew it, not only did I like him again, but I was laughing and wishing that our morning had been better. That was a 'piece of life' that I can never get back as my husband likes to say. Was it worth being mad and not communicating and spending time together? No. . This same husband whom I fell asleep on during his lunch break, instructed Logan"Let your mom sleep". Now I am going with this was done in love and not in hopes that after a nap I would be more pleasant to be around..LOL

I've included a picture from last Sunday, December 14th. We are starting to look smaller (especially him). He started before the surgery at 416 and last Saturday(weigh day) he was 341 so he is down 75 lbs. now. Which is awesome and crazy at the same time.

Also I have included, as one of my friends calls it, (thanks stu) a shameless plug for the sermon Brad preached on Sunday. The message can be found here at http://www.churchofchampions.com/current_series_at_church_of_champions.html

As I have discussed before, I know I am not the poster child for preacher's wives, nor do I think I want to be. I think that those of us who have a relationship with Christ need to grow and accept people for who they are and not what we think they should be. For those who don't know Christ, is important that those of us who don't quite fit the mold of 'Sunday school teacher' ' pastor's wife' 'sanctified sally' can show the world the Love of Christ and let them know that it takes loud mouths and people who are not perfect to round out the posse for Jesus. I am proud of who I am and I have grown and learned a lot in the last 4 years. I have learned about who I am and who I want to be.

My husband said on Sunday, when you say you want to be a God Chaser and you sincerely mean it, then God is going to start cutting the things out of your life that keep you from putting Him first. This was my favorite thing. I am excited that I can look at my life and see the parts that God is cutting out and filling in with His plan for me.

I hope everyone has a wonderfully blessed Christmas and a prosperous New Year, just in case I get lazy and don't blog before then.

Much Love!

Shelly

For Brad. . . Be Still and Know Part Deux

2008-12-03T11:02:00.000-06:00

Crazy Kids

Loving Boy

Our Party... Gotta love em'

Love this one!

Today this is for Brad. If no one else read it, that's okay. Brad you are the love of my life. You are the steady rock in my storms. I know that today is rough but I also know that as always, we will face this together. I dug out some wedding pictures and have been sitting here laughing about that day. Smiling at the joy on our faces and laughing at some of the photos of Stephen and Jeri Beth, man are they crazy! I just wanted to post a few pics from that day and brighten your spirit with them. We are still going to do as always, Be Still. . . .

I love you!

Upon this Rock. . . I will freeze my toosh

2008-12-02T07:31:00.000-06:00

We have this rock at church. It is outside the building and is huge. I love to take pictures on it. So much so that one church goer told me last week he is going to put a sign up that this rock belongs to the Deason's. Kinda like a designated parking space. Anyway, this rock is where we took our first picture for our weight loss journey which at the time was a great idea. . . well now, it is time to take pictures again and I have discovered that every 6th Sunday the rock seems to get a bit colder. Oh well, I have about three more times of that before it starts to warm up, right? LOL

This is our first picture - October 2008

November 20, 2008 - Not mad - just cold booty. .

November 20, 2008 - Thinking warm thoughts

Thanksgiving!

2008-11-28T08:53:00.000-06:00

My Wonderful Family!

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving yesterday. The kids went with Bill to Central City around 9am and I headed down to Brad's moms to help cook. It was wonderful for me and Leigh and her to just hang out and cook in the kitchen together. The food I snuck while 'cooking' was pretty amazing as well. My favorites at 'Gran Gran's' house are the Pretzel Salad and Deviled Eggs. I had plenty of both.

Here is Brad with his Turkey Portion....Just Kidding, he got more than that

We had eaten and cleaned everything up by 1pm so you know what I did, took a nap. I love me some naps on Thanksgiving Day (well, everyday, but this day its traditional for me)

Me and my buddy Hunter napping after lunch. . .

Several friends and family stopped by throughout the day and we had a great time catching up with everyone. We left there around 4 and we headed home to get ready to go to my cousins for the Dinner meal.

We headed to Cadiz around 6pm and got to visit with all my aunts and cousins I don't see as often as I would like. My mom's famous german chocolate cake and some really awesome ham topped my list of favorites in the eats department. As we always do, Lori and I got to reminicing about how crazy we were as kids and how much our kids are going to be just like us. . . scarey. We got back home around 11pm and I pretty much called it a day! I am so thankful for the blessings we have and am so proud of my husband and kids!

Monday Morning Blah Blah Blah

2008-11-24T07:47:00.000-06:00

Sorry, today is going to seem like I threw-up on paper. That is how my head feels anyway. I have so many thoughts and feelings churning up here that I cannot imagine that this will even make sense. So, I started to write nothing. But then these thought would churn all day and I would be way less productive.

I have been very busy lately and some of that is real and some of it is because I don't prioritize well and then I get stressed and then I get testy.. you can see how this, after a few weeks of going in circles, can end badly. Well, yesterday, it did. Brad and I got in an argument (on the way to church, of course) that lasted all the way through church. It was over something really stupid and all it resulted in was hurt feelings and us both feeling inadequate as partners in this team. Yesterday for teamdeason it was a swing and a miss...several times.

Here are some things I am trying to learn:

Get your work done when it is work time, then you won't be stressed so much at the end of the day
Be thankful for the little things, they really do mean alot
Don't expect others to read your mind, heck, most of the time I have a hard time understanding my crazy ideas. . .
Enjoy the down time, don't make it so complicated
A good book and a nap can do wonders for your stress level
So can a bubble bath
Never underestimate how being tired affects your decision making
Love your family and your friends, they are the ones who put up with you all the time
If you feel overwhelmed by your workload - break it down into sections and tackle it one section at a time
Watching a kid movie in 3-D makes you smile (and jump sometimes)

Thanksgiving is Thursday and this is a short work week for me, so there is a ton to do. . I am going to try and take the advise from a very wise and Godly man, the apostle Paul. Colossians 3:23 And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men. . .

I am going to try and do everything this week as unto the Lord: my work, my home, my cooking, my patience, my love . . . wish me luck and say a prayer!

Have a great week!

Breakfast with Brad

2008-11-20T09:35:00.000-06:00

This morning Brad & I went to breakfast at Holiday Burgers. We only do that about once a month, mainly because Brad works second shift and is usually up late and wakes a bit late. There is something about having breakfast with just the two of us, that makes the day go better. I so enjoy when we connect on this level, that is when we seem to talk about our hope and our dreams and our successes and our failures.

It is so odd for us to go out to eat now that he has had his gastric bypass. He ordered one egg, scrambled and had 1/2 a piece of my bacon and part of a piece of toast. It is so strange when the waitresses look at this big guy and he orders one egg. You can tell they want to say, are you sure sir? but they don't.

We split a kids meal at O'Charley's the other day and asked for an extra plate. The server gave us a look that cracked us up after she left the table. We usually explain and then this light bulb goes off inside that you can just about see. . . judgement is such a strange thing.

I think sometimes our judgement of others keep us from seeing just how big God can be. How do we rank or judge people. Is it their clothes, their car, the way they talk?

Do you see a girl with a nose ring and automatically decide she is a rebel and loves heavy metal music? Do you see a tattoo and automatically assume that person drive a harley and drinks alot of beer? Do you see a bi-racial couple and cringe? We shouldn't - see these things are not sins - these things are things that society has put out there as acceptable or not.

The Bible teaches us in Luke 6:37 "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." Sometimes we want to look on the outside of a situation and put our judgement on it. Maybe that girl with the nose ring is a grad-student who will make a difference to our country one day. Maybe that tattoo has a significance to that man that gives him hope everytime he sees it. Maybe that family has more love in it than you could ever know and if your mind were more open, would be happy to share it with you.

What about the other side of judgement. Do you see a man in a business suit and assume he has his life together? When a family is walking down the lane with a stroller and a five-year old on a bike, do we automatically go, "Awww, how sweet". ? Do we look at preachers and teachers and elected officials and automatically assume they should be 'perfect' people?

See, judgement can be negative even when we think we are being positive. Maybe that man is crook and stole from his employer today. Maybe that family is on the brink of divorce because of infidelity. Maybe that community leader is just a person like us with faults and needs.

When we judge people either positively or negatively we take away God's ability to give us discernment into how to pray. If we take off our judges cloak and ask God to show us people's hearts and intentions, then we can pray for them as God would want us to.

Galations 2:6 says "As for those who seemed to be important—whatever they were makes no difference to me; God does not judge by external appearance . . ."We should not have agenda's when we bring something to the Lord. We should be asking him to help us to see past our human weaknesses and to pray for our family, friends and neighbors just like he would want us to. . .

In 1st Corinthians 4:5 we read "Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God." See, God does not need our help in deciding who is worthy of His Love and His Salvation. It is our job to show forth His love so that people want to know more about him.

One of the most interesting scriptures I found brings me to my final point. Why don't we judge ourselves with the same yardstick we do others? Are we easier on ourselves or our kids or our husbands that on a family down the street? Let's read 1st Corninthians 11:31 "But if we judged ourselves, we would not come under judgment." How is that for God telling us like it is. . Let's remember to judge others as we would judge ourselves and to seek God's discernment about all situations and He will give us the answers we are seeking.

Have a blessed Thursday!

Shell

It's a Girl! > > > LOL

2008-11-18T19:44:00.000-06:00

Well, if babies without move able parts that cry on cue and only coo 'if' you bounce them for exactly 12 minutes count, then I am a grandmother.

Logan brought this thing home for the 'baby think it over' project in school. I am not a fan of said project but it was the baby or a 500 page report and he really wanted to do the baby instead. So, here it is. . . my granddaughter Dawn (he named her after my middle name, how quaint) and my son Logan...He is very attentive at the moment but just wait til she cries for the fourth or fifth time at 5 am. . .

Wow....What a Day!

2008-11-18T13:48:00.001-06:00

Today, is not a good day. My online faxing is not working and everything I set to do is going wrong. My work phone is on the fritz and I cannot get anything accomplished work-wise.

I had a melt down before Brad went to work and even threw my stapler across the room (not at anyone, of course, just so frustrated). My wonderful husband shooed me away from my computer so that I could go get a bite to eat and veg out while he got things fixed. I went to the fridge and as I opened the door, stuff just starting falling out, out rolled 3 cans of Dr. Pepper and 2 bottles of Gaterade. . I just left them on the floor and walked to teh living room with my garlic bagel chips. See, now that I am writing this it seems funny. Funny was not how it felt three hours ago.

So, Brad found me a new fax service which is awesome and after having my carmel dipped green apples, I decided I would come on back and give work another shot. Alas, yes alas, that is a good word for my day. . . now my phone wont hold a charge and I can't get it to come on. I know I probably have 15 messages (that's no joke) from clients checking the progress of their cases and my hands are tied until I can get my phone back up and running. I am going with God had a different purpose for me today instead of being buried in paperwork, or he has at least wants me to find humor in the irritations of this day.

In the midst of it all, my husband sent me the sweetest, most loving email. In thie middle of this horrible day, my friend was here for me! I am so lucky!

This afternoon, I am probably going to be a 'grandmother'..LOL. . .Today Logan is supposed to bring home his 'baby think it over' . . He is stoked about it. He has names picked out and everything. . . I hope he is as excited when it wakes him up at 3am. . .because I'm not getting up with it. . I will fill you in on that later.

Where We've Been / Where We're Going

2008-11-18T08:07:00.000-06:00

Update on Brad:

Pre surgery Weight: 415

Surgery Weight: 400

Weight today: 361

Here are some before and aft pictures too.

This Picture was two days before Surgery, October 20th

This picture was taken October 31st

And this last one was on November 14th

Be Still and Know

2008-11-17T16:35:00.000-06:00

Sometimes circumstances happen and we cannot, as my husband is fond of saying, see the forest for the trees. Sometimes things come at you so quickly you don't know how or why and for us, as women, we tend to react the wrong way. That is one reason I am so thankful to have a strong husband. Brad is such a God-Sent man in my life. To imagine my life without him in it is unspeakable, unfathomable.

When Bill and I divorced the Summer of 2004; I thought my life was over. I had prayed and cried and begged God to fix my marriage. I had made mistakes and so had Bill and I could not for the life of me figure out why it would just not be fixed. Needless to say, it didn't fix, so there I was, scared and confused, alone for the first time since I was 15 years old, I had spent 1/2 my life loving one person, 1/2 my life as a wife.

What was I supposed to do now? Blame God, that was the answer. So, I blamed God and decided marriage was not for me. I had tried it and it had failed miserably and now, I would just be alone, forever. . .

With that decision firmly in place, I began to date and 'enjoy' my new found singleness. I made a new friend, this guy named Brad, who was crazy and funny and ran a non-profit group for kids. He was a hoot! My girlfriends thought he was hilarious, my co-workers said he was smitten by me. I just said nah, he's my friend. And he was, for a long time, as a matter of fact, he is still my best friend today. He is there in every moment of struggle and when questions haunt my mind. He is my rock and he is steady in every storm.

Of course, we became more than friends and on May 13, 2006, we started our life as TEAMDEASON. . . That is what we are, a team. We make decisions together, we laugh together, we cry together, we pray together and we raise our family together. We have fought storms together: child custody battles, bankruptcy, job loss, loss of friends, career changes and car repossessions. We have also had many victories together: renewed relationships, new jobs, promotions, new friends, and blessings that cannot even be explained.

Recently we were so blessed for someone to give Brad the funds for him to have is Gastric Bypass surgery. He had his surgery on October 22nd and as of today, he has lost 39 lbs. I have never been so proud of him or for him. He is doing the right things with his food and his workouts and he is taking full advantage of this tool he has been blessed with. As our Pastor said Sunday, with great blessings, come great challenges.

Just one day after we returned home from Brad's surgery, I was hit with a very spiritual attack. I was not sure what was up or down. Where I should be or what I should do. But you know what my rock said? "Be still, God has got this" "We just have to wait and see what He says, not what we say". .

So, reluctantly, I listened. And fervently, we prayed. "Please God, show us your path." "Please God, show us your face." "Please God, we want Your will, not ours. "

Not overnight, not the first week, but gradually we have begun to see the light and that we were in the right place and that God's timing is always perfect. Sometimes I think God puts things in our path that we don't necessarily like to see how we react, or how others react. Sometimes I think God allows things in our path so we can get on our knees and really seek him. The bible teaches us "Seek Him while He may be found". God is not lost, but a lot of times we are.

On the hardest day of this trial I was in the prayer room at church. As I cried and prayed, I said Lord, I feel lost. Not unsaved, just lost. I feel like I have no direction and You have to show me the way. The way was to be still and be attentive and to know that we are in the palm of his hand.

I am thankful that God helped me through this hard time and I am ever so unworthy of the wonderful husband that He sent me. I have been re-reading some books by Stormy O'Martin where she really emphasizes praying into your life using God's Word. It is a powerful thing! We can pray for our families this way and see real change come forth. I remember when I first started asking God to create a desire in Brad to be a true spiritual leader. That was hard for me, because I am not a follower for the most part. Past hurts have caused me to want to control situations for the protection of my heart.

God began to answer those prayers and then I was not sure I wanted Him to. I soon realized that for Brad to be the leader, I had to be a follower. God works all things for the good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose, so I knew that I must put my money where my mouth was and not only trust Brad, but trust God.

I am so Glad I Did!

Comfort Food

2008-11-14T16:52:00.000-06:00

It seems that fall/winter is the time for comfort foods. Last night I made a batch of Wassail and tonight we are having our friends over for homemade potato soup and ragin' cajun sandwiches. I thought I would share these recipes that have been shared over our dinner table in the past and forever more in the future...ENJOY

Wassail: Makes enough for 20 people - you can also freeze half of it and use later if you have a smaller crowd.

1 Gallon Apple Cider
24 Whole Cloves
4-6 Cinnamon Sticks
1 Quart Orange Juice
1 Cup Lemon Juice
1 Large Can Pine-apple Juice
1 Cup of Sugar

Mix all ingredients in a large pot and simmer on low-med on the stove until warm. you can also crock pot this to keep it warm and soothing.

Home Made Potato Soup: This makes a good sized pot. Now honestly, I don't do too much measuring so, just use your best judgement. . .

10 Lb. Potatoes
1/2 Gallon of 1/2 n 1/2
2 Lb. Velveeta Cheese
1 Large Onion
1 Stick of butter
32 Oz. Sour Cream
Shredded Cheese
Chives
Bacon Bits

Peel and dice potatoes. Boil potatoes and onions until they are done but still have some firmness. Drain all the water but enough to cover the potatoes and onions. Throw the stick of butter and about 1/2 of the half-n-half in and stir. Put on the stove on low. stir often but don't mash up potatoes, be careful.
In a medium sized bowl, take the cubed velveeta and 1/2 cup of the half-n-half and put in microwave to melt (over the years, I have discovered this works best and cuts scorching down tremendously) (You can also melt down in a double boiler if you wish.)
After cheese is melted really well in to a cream state (you may want to add some more half-n-half) add the mixture to the pot of potatoes and other ingredients. Stir well.
Take the sour cream and mix a bit at a time in a side bowl with the remaining half-n-half until it is creamy and ready to add to the pot. Add the rest of these ingredients to the pot and mix together well.
Warm on low or put in a crock pot or double boiler to prevent scorching. Dress with shredded cheese, fresh or dried chives and bacon bits....YUMMY!

Ragin' Cajun Sandwiches: My friend Mandy and I created these when I had a little restaurant/catering businesss and they are a hit with the soup or alone.

Shaved Cajun Roast Beef (found in Deli, you can use regular if you cant find it)
Swiss Cheese Slices
Peppers (Green or Red)
White Onion
Jalepenos (if desired)
Hoagie Rolls

In a skillet take 1/2 stick butter (or Pam if you are healthly minded) and saute the sliced onion, jaelepenos and peppers (red is prettier but green is fine cuz they taste the same and are cheaper..LOL).
While this is melding together, cut the hoagie rolls in 1/2 and butter. Toast in the oven under the broiler.
Remove bread from oven and place 2-3 oz. of roast beef on each roll. Top with the sauted mixture. Put a slice of swiss cheese on top and then the top bun. Wrap in aluminum foil and put in oven on warm for about 5 minutes, or just put back on baking sheet and watch closely.
These do great cut in half with a large bowl of soup. Another option is to do ham or turkey with this cheese or pepperjack.

Sweet Treat brownies:

make brownies according to package directions
Take 1 small jar of marshmellow cream and 1 bar of cream cheese and blend together. Spread mixture over brownies.
Top with fresh cut strawberries.

Everyone have a great, food-filled weekend

ENOUGH ALREADY!

2008-11-13T10:02:00.000-06:00

Have you ever said that? Enough Already! I know I have! I've said it in the heat of arguments, I have said it when my kids are fighting with each other, I have said it to the Lord when I think I cannot take another minute of a trial or a test. Usually we say "Enough Already" in frustration. Laying in bed this morning, the Lord brought the Chris Tomlin song "Your Grace is Enough" to my mind. Chris wrote this song based on II Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness".

So today, as I feel a little laggy and actually overwhelmed by the work on my plate (thank you God for blessing me in my job) I have to look to Him and realize that I have "enough already". I have to really rely on the fact that his 'grace is sufficient' or 'enough'. . that in my weakness (ADD and the want to do nothing because I have so much to do) His Strength can find perfection in that. That is overwhelming to know that God knows our weakness and wants us to say, you know, I have enough already. Enough Grace, Enough Love, Enough Strength, Enough Reliance on God - to get through this day.

I promise I did not intend for these blogs to seem like devotions, but that seems to be the theme right now. Maybe these blogs are my communication with the Lord and I just happen to be sharing them with you, the reader. I just know that I woke up with this today and couldn't shake it off, so I thought if I'd just type it out, it would help me get my day going in the right direction.

Speaking of right direction, I lost another pound today..WOOT! Since my biggest, I have now lost 23 lbs and went from size 20 pants to a comfortable 16 (and a not so comfortable - some 14's). . anyway, I'm gettting there, slowly but surely. . and that's enough already!

Coming up to breath

2008-11-12T21:34:00.000-06:00

Okay, So, we have been going to the gym since the first week in October. We have walked and worked out in the pool and really noticed it working us out. Well, tonight was like the boot camp of all boot camps. Our gym guy, Raymond, kicked my butt..well actually my arms and abs and then forced me onto some cardio. I still can't breathe well and it is twenty minutes later.

He started Brad on some weights for his upper body and he was so toasted he couldn't lift his arms when he was done. We are so out of shape that it is not even funny. The one good thing about going to the gym is that we go as a family. Logan runs around the gym (like he needs to work out) and plays basketball or gets on the treadmill. Cait favors the stationary bike.

I, favor laziness, which of course, is not a God Chaser kind of thing to be. So this is a growth area for me, I can see right now. I literally prayed for about 5 minutes of my cardio just to get through it. I hope as we go through this weight loss journey that I can embrace this with motivation and strive to be in the best physical shape possible.

Please pray with me regarding communicating with my daughter. It seems like she is more like me daily, and we get along less and less. I know some of this is to be expected, she is fifteen years old, but there has got to be room for harmony in this as well. I pray that God gives me the patience and the understanding to communicate my love for her in a constructive way. It is such a huge task to be a mother and to try to impart responsibility and love and loyalty and understanding to a teenage girl. I didn't learn these things until way too late in life and i don't want her to struggle like I have, but I guess to some extent, we all have to find our own path in our own time.

"God, please help me to be all that you want me to be, to my family and friends and help me be a light to others. Please let them see Your reflection in me!"

Good Night

God Chasing

2008-11-12T19:24:00.000-06:00

Well, today I took the plunge into blogging. I really have to thank my friend, Jen Henson for this. I have been playing with the idea of it all but until I saw her take the leap, I had been holding back. If you know me at all, which I'm sure you do or you won't be here, you know I never cease for things to say. Sometimes I have good things to say and sometimes it is just ramblings.

However, I am at a point in my life where I love it. I love how I am watching God move in my life as I seek Him more. My blog is Psalm 105:4 which says simply "Seek the Lord, and His strength: Seek His face evermore." It is my belief that if we do this, truly do this, He will show us the changes we need to make in our life. It is my belief that God created us with the desire within to serve Him with all we are. Some of us get lost along the way, caught up in a variety of things: family, love, work, friendships, school and even religion.

See, religion is not a relationship with Jesus Christ. Religion is a set of ideals that people profess to believe, and truly, probably all religions have good points in them somewhere. It is not my desire to be religious. It is my desire to seek God's face in my life, so that other people can see Him when they see me. I read a quote once that said - "Don't worry about what others think of you, only worry about what others think of Him when they think of you".

Many people reading this have known me in stages of my life, so to some of you, I say sorry. I am sorry you knew me when I did not have this outlook on life because you knew a way different me than I am today. For those who have watched me change, I say thank you. Thank you for being in my life when I was the metamorphasis of my life. There are many things I probably should have done different, but that is in the past. For those who just know me now, I say you are lucky. The old me was not near as fun and way more high strung (if you could imagine that). Very quick to anger and opinionated to the point of being irritating.

I am thankful that God has seen fit to bring me down the path of life He chose for me. The mistakes of the pasts help to shape my decisions for my future and I am thankful for Every scar and every hurt that have made me who I am today, these things have made me. . . . a God Seeker.

Have a blessed day!